Glad They Nipped That One In The Bud, Part 2

| Portland, OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(A client shows up for an appointment to remove ticks from her dog.)

Coworker: “How many ticks does he have and where are they?

Client: “Six that we’ve counted so far.”

Coworker: “Wow! That’s a lot. Where have you been lately?”

Client: “I know, it’s really weird. They’re on his belly and they’re all symmetrical.”

(The client starts to roll dog over to show us belly. Stunned silence follows.)

Coworker: “Nipple, nipple, nipple, nipple, nipple, nipple!”

Client: “But he’s a boy!”

Coworker: “You have nipples, don’t you, sir?”

Related:

Glad They Nipped That One In The Bud

There Is Mushroom For Improvement

| USA | Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(A client left a message on the answering machine that her dog needed his ‘portabello.’ I call her back.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] calling from [Vet]. We got your message about setting an appointment for [Dog].”

Client: “Yes, he needs his portabello for the kennel.”

Me: *trying so hard not to laugh* “Yes, he is due for his bordetella, as well as the rest of his vaccines. When were you looking to make the appointment?”

Client: “No, the kennel said he needed his portabello!”

Me: “The vaccine is actually called bordetella, ma’am. Portabello are a type of mushroom.”

Client: “Well, the kennel said portabello…” *grumbles*

(We set the appointment, and the minute we hung up, I nearly died laughing.)

But What Does The Fox Say?

| UK | Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(A family bring their cat in for a check-up, concerned about a puncture wound through her lip. They say the cat was outdoors for longer than usual and then came home with this wound. I examine the cat:)

Me: “I think she might have been hit by a car.”

Owner: “No, she can’t have been. She’s still alive.”

Me: “Well… see her claws here? They’re all scuffed? That’s very common in cats after a road traffic accident.”

Owner: “She has a hole in her lip; I think she was bitten by a fox.”

Me: “I’m not sure about that; she has a lot of other wounds as well, and they don’t really fit with being attacked by a fox.”

Owner: “She has a bite wound in her lip like a fox got hold of her.”

Me: “Yes, she does have a wound in her lip, but see how some of her teeth are also chipped, particularly her canine teeth? Look, the hole looks like it lines up with this top, broken canine tooth. If she had been hit by a car, it might have caused this damage to her teeth.”

Owner: “She can’t have been hit by a car. Our other cat was hit by a car and we found him dead by the side of the road.”

Me: “Well, if the car was going slower it could have hit her without killing her.”

Owner: “Cars don’t drive slowly down our road. If she had been hit by a car she would be dead. It must have been a fox.”

(The owner wouldn’t let me treat the cat until I said the damage was done by a fox.)

They’re Pure-Bred Ignorant

| TX, USA | Pets & Animals

(I’m waiting in the lobby at a vet’s office, and I overhear this conversation between another dog’s owner and the receptionist. Note: Maltipoos are a cross between a maltese and a poodle.)

Owner: “I’ve just brought my dog in for a checkup.”

Receptionist: “Oh, she’s so cute!”

Owner: “Isn’t she? She’s a purebred Maltipoo.”

(The receptionist looks like she wants to correct the owner, but at first she says nothing. The owner keeps bragging about her dog and how she wants to get it registered with the American Kennel Club and show it.)

Receptionist: “Er, ma’am, I don’t think the AKC will allow her to be registered. They only accept pure breeds.”

Owner: “But she IS purebred! A purebred maltipoo.”

Receptionist: “Ma’am, maltipoos are mixed breeds. Maltese and poodle. Malti-poo.”

Owner: “Oh, that’s ridiculous. I can’t believe they’d hire someone who knows so little about dogs! She is a PUREBRED. MALTIPOO.”

(At this point the vet comes out front. The maltipoo’s owner storms up to her.)

Owner: “YOU! Tell your idiot secretary that my maltipoo is not some mutt! She’s a purebred!”

Vet: “Ma’am, a maltipoo is by definition a mixed breed. There is no such thing as a purebred maltipoo. They’re a cross between maltese and poodles.”

(The lady screamed in rage, picked up her dog, and ran out of the office.)

It’s The Prescribed Law

| OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

(One of my coworkers is relatively new and often sounds unsure when repeating information or instructions. Clients tend to try to take advantage of that, and my coworker isn’t confident enough to know when to put her foot down.)

Coworker: “Can you help me with this call? [Client] wants a prescription refill for [Patient]. I checked with [Doctor] and she said we need to do an exam since we haven’t seen [Patient] in so long, but [Client] isn’t liking that answer.”

Me: “Yeah, sure.” *picking up phone, to [Client]:* “Hi there, this is [My Name]. [Coworker] said you had some questions about a prescription refill for [Patient]?”

Client: “Yes! I need a refill of [medication] for [Patient], but the other girl said that [Patient] needs to be seen first! She HAS been seen!”

Me: “According to our records, we haven’t seen [Patient] in almost 18 months.”

Client: “No, no! I took her to a vet in [State]! She HAS been seen!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, pharmacy law states that in order to write a prescription we have to have physically seen a patient within the last 12 months.”

Client: “That’s ridiculous. I can’t believe that!”

Me: “I apologize, but the law is the law.”

Client: “Well, what am I supposed to do, then?!”

Me: “I can either set up an appointment to get [Patient] seen–”

Client: “But she HAS been seen!”

Me: “—or you can contact the vet in [State] that saw [Patient] to see if they will send over a prescription.”

Client: “Can’t you call them and get the visit history?”

Me: “I could, but that doesn’t change that we need to physically see [Patient], here, in the office, for an examination, before one of our doctors would even consider writing a prescription.”

Client: “I just don’t understand why you won’t write a prescription!”

Me: “Because it is illegal. You are asking us to break the law.”

Client: “Well, you’re useless, aren’t you!?” *hangs up*

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