Have You (Bapho)Met?

, , , , , , , | Right | January 13, 2018

(I wear a pentacle necklace with Baphomet, the “Satan” goat, every day. Today I’m in a craft store looking at nursery fabrics. I visit this store a lot and I know the basic layout. Two middle-aged women wearing crosses approach me.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, where are your Velcro strips?”

(I don’t work there. I’m wearing jeans, a Slipknot t-shirt, and arm warmers with belts on them. It couldn’t be farther from the store’s uniform.)

Me: “Oh, do you see the big racks with the big rolls of foam on them? The Velcro should be on a shelf right across from them.”

Customer #1: “Oh, thank you, sweethea—” *notices my necklace, crosses herself and the forehead of her companion, and shuffles away*

(I ignore them and continue looking at the fabric. The manager is manning the cutting counter a few feet away and I overhear them talking to him.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, ma’am, but I want to file a formal complaint about your employee over there.” *points to me*

Manager: “Uh… Which one, ma’am?”

Customer #2: “That one, right there! The fat one!”

Customer #1: “She’s wearing the ugliest, most sinful necklace. She’s obviously a heathen that’s going to burn in the deepest depths of Hell, and I refuse to shop here while a servant of the Devil is here.”

(The manager stands there, confused and disturbed.)

Customer #2: “Are you just going to stand there staring at her or are you going to tell her to leave?”

Manager: “Well, ma’am, she… Uh…” *pause* “Well, if you continue with your shopping, we’ll handle the situation.”

Customer #1: “Good! I would expect that from a God-fearing Christian.”

(The women moved on happily and I never heard a word from the manager, even after having him cut some fabric for me. The cashier even complimented my necklace!)

Unfiltered Story #102211

, , , | Unfiltered | December 30, 2017

(I am a door greeter for a lesser known home improvement warehouse. We cater to contractors, and try to have relaxed rules to keep them happy. One of those relaxed policies is that we allow any and all dogs in our store. It is my first week, and I’ve noticed a customer walk in with a dog.)

Me: “Hello, welcome! What a cutie!”

Customer: “Aw, thanks!” (To dog:) “We were complimented!”

Me: (To a coworker) “We allow dogs right?”

Coworker: “Yeah. It’s not like they ever cause any trouble.”

(Hardly five minutes later, a man comes in with an overweight, sickly looking weiner dog with crusty fur.)

Me: “Hello!”

Customer: “Euh, hey.”

(The man and his dog barely make it past the registers before the dog defecates all over the floor, much to the horror of everyone nearby. The man cleans it up with a paper towel, then hands in a small item to our cashier.)

Customer: “Just this.”

Coworker: (practically gagging) “Uhh.. o-okay.”

(after the customer leaves)

Me: “What’s wrong? I thought he cleaned it up!”

Coworker: “He did.. but didn’t wash his hands.. and he got crap on the scanner!”

(It was a miserable time for everyone. Thankfully, nothing that gross has happened since! We still allow dogs!)

Gas Station Aggravation

, , , , , | Right | August 15, 2017

(I am waiting for my tank to fill when I suddenly hear yelling across the aisle and see two women at two different pumps.)

Woman #1: “Move your d*** car! I want to get out of here!”

Woman #2: “I can’t move my car; it’s still fuelling up. You can easily move around my car.”

(She gestures towards the vacant area next to her car that is big enough for a car to pass through if need be.)

Woman #1: “My car is too close! It will hit your car. Just move!”

Woman #2: “Why can’t you just go into reverse and give yourself more space to move out?”

Woman #1: “I shouldn’t have to move for you. I asked you to f****** move your car and you’re gonna f****** move your car. Now!”

(The manager of the gas station walks over and tells Woman #1 to just put her car in reverse and move or he would call the cops. She does so, but rolls down her window, flips them off, and throws a cheeseburger at Woman #2’s car while driving away.)

Woman #1: “Got you, b****!”

Manager: *to [Woman #2]* “That burger doesn’t look like it will come off easily. You will need a deluxe wash.”

(He signals his coworker to ring her up.)

Manager: “On the house.”

(Apparently, he signalled a coworker a gesture meaning “give the customer something for free.”)