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Pre(Car)ious Insurance

, , , , | Right | April 2, 2010

(I rent out loaner cars at a luxury car dealership and try to loan similar cars to customers unless they are already booked.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are out of luxury cars today. I have another vehicle that we can get you going in.”

Customer: “No. I dropped off a luxury car; I should get one as a loaner.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t have any available right now. This other car is actually very nice, and quite–”

Customer: “I refuse to drive that car! It’s not safe! What if someone crashes into me while I’m driving? There are too many crazies on the road, and I demand a safe car to drive!”

(A luxury loaner vehicle returns unexpectedly and I offer it to the customer.)

Me: “Would you like to purchase the additional coverage on the loaner vehicle in case of an incident?”

Customer: “Of course not! Like anything’s going to happen!”


This story is part of the Ignorant-About-Insurance roundup!

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Boat, Boat, Boat Your Boat, Gently Down The Stream

, , , | Right | October 9, 2009

Customer: “Hello, sir, I am wondering if you can help me?”

Me: “Sure, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “I’m looking to rent a boat.”

Me: “Sure, what kind would you like?”

Customer: “A boat.”

Me: “Yes, sir, but what kind of boat?”

Customer: *confused* “A boat…”

Me: “Yes, sir, a boat, but what kind of boat? We have three different kinds.”

Customer: “A boat boat!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know what you mean.”

Customer: “Stupid Canadians! Don’t know what a f***ing boat is!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry. I just don’t understand your question, but I will go down to the docks with you and help you choose your boat.”

Customer: “Fine!”

(We walk down to the dock and approach a row boat.)

Customer: “That’s the one right there. A boat. You see?”

Me: “Oh, you meant a row boat, sir.”

Customer: “No, that is a boat boat!”

Me: “In Canada, it’s called a row boat.”

Customer: “Jesus, why can’t you Canadians speak regular English like everyone else?!”


This story is part of our Wrong Names roundup!

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A Runaway Train Of Thought

, , , , , | Right | August 4, 2009

(A caller phones into our car rental company looking for a vehicle, but we’re sold out in every nearby location.)

Caller: “Why aren’t there any cars for me? Everyone I ask tells me they’re out of cars!”

Me: “We’ve been having a hard time keeping a hold on any cars with this tourist season.”

Caller: “Terrorism?”

Me: “No, ma’am, the tourist season. It’s been a really big push into your area lately, so Florida’s swamped.”

Caller: “Everyone’s been blaming the terrorists today. Why are we all letting the terrorists win?” *begins sobbing*

Me: “Ma’am, it’s tourists, not terrorists.”

Caller: “I’m an American! In America! Why are we letting them ruin my life? We can’t let these terrorists win!” *continues sobbing for a moment and then hangs up*

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First Ocean To The Right, Then Straight On ‘Til Drowning

, , , , , | Right | April 16, 2009

Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”

Man: “What’s the quickest way to get to Hawaii?”

Me: “…probably via Vancouver International Airport.”

Man: “What?”

Me: “Look, I’m sorry, I’m not actually a travel agent. I can put you in touch with someone who can book you a flight–”

Man: “I don’t wanna fly there! I could’ve done that from Seattle! I’m going to drive.”

Me: “Over more than twenty-five hundred miles of ocean?”

Man: “You can’t fool me. I know it’s not that far. Besides, it’s much cheaper to fly there through the Canadian part of America.”

Me: “No, Canada’s not–”

Man: “I’m gonna report you for being unhelpful, missy. Now give me god**** directions to Hawaii if you don’t want your a** fired.”

Me: “Turn left on to any pier you come across, and then drive straight on, You’ll get there eventually, and don’t worry about the water. You can probably sue for damages.”

(Amazingly, he left, perfectly happy with my directions to essentially drown himself.)

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