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When You’re In A Different (Oak)Land

, , , , , , , | Right | June 19, 2024

I work in a big city public library in Canada.

Patron: “I’m visiting from Oakland, and I would like to see my daily newspaper.”

Me: “We have a San Francisco newspaper right over he—”

Patron: *Frostily* “I said Oakland, dear, not San Francisco.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t carry an Oakland paper. I can try to find it online for you.”

Patron: “If I wanted an online newspaper, I would have asked for an online newspaper. That’s terrible service! I pay your wages, you know.”

Me: “But you live in California?”

Patron: “Well, I certainly pay somebody’s wages!”

Picture-Perfect Fun With Photos

, , , , , , , | Friendly | April 22, 2024

The old Woodward’s store in downtown Vancouver used to have a photo booth near the food court. In the late 1980s and early 1990s, my friends and I loved to go down to the photo booth. We would save up our change, bring props, and get all sorts of fun selfies.

One day, I was there with a friend having fun as usual when I noticed that a very small girl, maybe three or four, had appeared next to the photobooth. She was looking longingly at the curtains and at us.

I could see that her mom was nearby, so I said something like, “Sweet girl!” to her.

Mom: “She’s really curious about what’s going on in there.”

Me: “Would it be okay for me to bring her in there and take some pictures?”

The mom was 100% on board with this idea, and the little girl was somewhat in awe of being allowed to go into the booth. I still have two of those four pictures. I gave the other two to the girl and her mother.

Technically, It’s Still South Of The River…

, , , , , , | Right | September 23, 2023

A guest is checking in, but I can’t find a reservation under her name.

Guest: “This is crazy! I made the booking months ago! I even have the confirmation on my phone!”

Me: “Please look that up for me; I am afraid I am having trouble on my end.”

The guest is muttering loudly as she tries to find the booking on their phone.

Guest: “This is crazy! All I wanted was a relaxing weekend and to see Pedalpalooza!”

Me: “Pedalpalooza? Ma’am, that’s in Portland.”

Guest: “Yes, just across the river.”

Me: “Just across the river from Vancouver, Washington. Washington State.”

Guest: “Yes, and?”

Me: “This is Vancouver, British Columbia. In Canada.”

Guest: “Oh. Am I in the wrong city?”

Me: “Ma’am, you’re in the wrong country.”

What got me was that she drove here from the US, so she would have to have passed border patrol. Where did she think she was going?

It’s Really That Easy, Folks

, , , , , , , , , | Working | April 17, 2023

We’ve hired a non-gender person to our department for a few weeks to help with a large job. On their first day, I walk by them in the hall as they are waiting for the women’s washroom to unlock as someone is in there.

Me: “You can use the men’s behind you.”

Coworker: “Oh, I don’t feel comfortable using the men’s. I feel safer in the women’s.”

Me: “I understand. But just so you know, there’s a non-gendered washroom just down the hall.”

Coworker: “Wait. What?”

Me: “Yeah, we have two men’s, two women’s, and two non-gendered on this floor.”

Coworker: “…non-gendered washrooms?”

Me: “Yup.”

Coworker: “For me?”

Me: “Umm. I guess. For while you’re here.”

Coworker: “So, they were made non-gendered for me?”

Me: “What? No.”

My coworker smiles a huge smile.

Coworker: “They’re just always non-gendered?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Their smile somehow gets bigger, and I understand their excitement of having a washroom representing them without preamble or concession. I smile back.

Me: “I’ll show you where they are if you want to use them.”

Some People Don’t Belong In Customer Service… Or Public In General

, , , , , | Working | February 15, 2023

My brother and I are identical twins. It’s easy to tell us apart just by looking at us; I have long hair and he doesn’t. Due to complications at birth, I have aphonia, meaning I can’t speak at all. I use sign language to speak with my friends and family; otherwise, I use my tablet or phone with a text-to-speech recognition software.

My brother and I are at the mall when we split up; he needs a new phone and I went to preorder a video game at a different store. I frequent this store often, so the managers and most of the staff know me and never give me any trouble. They have just had a hiring spree and have acquired a few new employees that I haven’t met yet. I browse for a while before one of the new employees comes up to me.

Employee: “Hey, is there anything I can help you with?”

I shake my head with a smile.

Employee: “Anything at all?”

I shake my head again.

He seems to get the idea and wanders off back to the front. I browse for a few more minutes before he approaches me again.

Employee: *In a condescending tone* “You know, it’s really rude not to tell someone if you’re looking for something when you obviously are. I saw you in here the other day and you were speaking just fine to everyone else. It’s because I’m [Race], isn’t it?”

The employee looks white, and I’m Japanese-Italian, though I don’t look it. I shake my head, giving him the sign to wait, and I start to type into my app. He shakes his head, snatching my phone from me.

Employee: “I’m going to hold this as collateral until you leave! Maybe then you can show some respect!”

With that, he heads to the back room. I quickly run to the front of the store where one of the managers I know is and frantically try to get his attention. Thankfully, he knows a little sign language from our interactions.

Manager: “Hey, [My Name], what’s going on today?”

I slowly make the signs for “employee”, “steal”, and “phone”. He seems perplexed.

Manager: “[My Name], what are you talking about? How about you get out your phone and tell me?”

I shake my head, pointing back to the break room door.

Manager: “Are you saying an employee stole your phone? From here?”

I nod.

Manager: “Let me go take a look. You and [Employee #2] can hang out up front until I get back.”

With that, the manager heads back to the break room. I am left with [Employee #2], who goes to university with my brother and knows a decent amount of sign. We speak in sign for a few minutes before the manager comes back, the employee who took my phone in tow.

Manager: “[My Name], is this who took your phone?”

I nod, glaring at the employee now.

Employee: “Hey, he was being rude! He wouldn’t answer me when I asked if he needed help! His phone is collateral in case he does something shady, like you said!”

Manager: “First, we never take away customers’ belongings! Ever! I don’t know where you got that idea from, but you never take anything from a customer. The only time we would is if it’s a large bag, like a backpack — just so there’s room in the store for others! Secondly, [My Name] has never been a problem; in fact, he is one of the best customers we’ve ever had, and if he had been looking for a job, I would have hired him. Third, he can’t speak. He’s mute. That’s why he wouldn’t answer you; he couldn’t!”

Employee: “That’s not true! I saw him in here the other day! He’s just wearing a wig!”

Manager: “That was [Brother], not [My Name]. They are identical twins!”

The employee seems to not believe him.

Manager: “Right. Give [My Name] back his phone.”

Employee: “But—”

Manager: “Now.”

The employee scowls but hands me my phone back.

Employee: *Under his breath* “F****** racist a**hole.”

Manager: “You now have three minutes to get your things from the back, give me your name badge, and then get the f*** out of my store. If you’re still here after those three minutes are up, I’m calling the police to have you escorted off the premises.”

Employee: “But—”

Manager: “Why are you wasting time arguing with me when you could be getting your s*** out of here?”

The employee huffed and then glared back at me. He did as he was told; he gathered his things from the break room and left the store. The manager apologized and offered me a discount on anything in store, but I told him I didn’t need it. He rang me up and asked me to pick out a Funko Pop from the wall, which he knows I collect. He gave it to me free of charge, and now, whenever I go in there, I get an employee discount.