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Maiden For Life

, , , , , | Romantic | March 26, 2018

(A customer calls my store to place a cake order for the following week. When I ask for a name for the order, this happens.)

Me: “And can I get a name for your order, please?”

Customer: “[First Name] [Last Name #1]. No, [Last Name #2]. [Last Name #1] is my maiden name.” *the customer starts laughing* “I can’t believe I said that.”

Customer’s Husband: *in the background* “We’ve only been married 35 years.”

Walk In-Sane

, , , , , , | Healthy | March 24, 2018

(I’m a patient sitting in the waiting room of a walk-in clinic. Although I try not to, I overhear the following conversation, as the patient is being extremely loud.)

Patient: “I want to see [Doctor].”

Receptionist: “I’ll see if I can get her for you, but if it’s urgent, we try to send patients in to doctors as they become available, and [Doctor] will be off the clock in twenty minutes. You’ll probably be waiting longer than that.”

Patient: “My friend told me [Doctor] is the best one, and I came on a Thursday because he said she works on Thursdays!”

Receptionist: “I’m sorry you were inconvenienced, ma’am. In future, if it’s urgent, please come in right away. All our doctors are fully qualified to help you.”

Patient: “Well, what about next Thursday? Will she be in, then?”

Receptionist: “Again, if you come late in the day, she may not be able to help you.”

Patient: “I can’t come any earlier! I’m at work until five, and I’m sure as hell not going to take time off if you can’t guarantee that I’ll even get to see the right doctor! This is absolutely ridiculous! I’m coming in next Thursday at 5:30, and I expect to see [Doctor]!”

Receptionist: “Ma’am, it doesn’t work like that.”

Patient: “Well, why the hell not?!”

Receptionist: “Because asking to see a specific doctor at a specific time is called an appointment, and this is a walk-in clinic.”

Patient: *glares at the receptionist, crumples up her sign-in sheet, and stalks out the door*

Taiwannical Behavior, Part 3

, , , , | Learning | March 21, 2018

Me: “What do you call the Thailand nationality?”

Brother: “Taiwanese?”

Me: “That’s Taiwan.”

Brother: *cocky* “Where’s Taiwan, [My Name]?”

Me: “Not in Thailand, I can tell you that much.”

Related:
Taiwannical Behavior, Part 2
Taiwannical Behavior

The Future Is Out Of Apples

, , , , , | Right | March 19, 2018

(I’m a cashier at an express checkout. My coworker is there to let me out for my break. It’s not uncommon for customers to comment on the year — 1982, for example — if the purchase is around $20.)

Me: “Your total is [total].”

Customer: “Ah, what a wonderful year.” *pays and leaves*

Coworker: “Wait, what was his total?”

Me: “$63.78.”

I’m Sure Felicity Smoak Could Knock One Together

, , , , , , , | Working | March 19, 2018

(As an archer, I am looking for a shooting glove to protect my fingers from the string when I draw. Of course, I know that if I ask for it by its real name, the person who works in a store with so much product won’t know what I’m talking about. So, when I walk over to a really young guy working there, I ask:)

Me: “Hi. Can you please tell me where the archery gloves are?”

(His eyes go wide with excitement.)

Salesperson: “Oh, my God. That is so cool!

Me: “What do you think I’m asking for?”

Salesperson: “A glove that shoots arrows!

Me: “Yeah… That would be cool, but no, that’s not what I’m after.”

(I explained what I wanted, and he was so crestfallen as he pointed me in the — kinda — right direction.)