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Some People Just Can’t Be Helped

, , , , , | Right | June 5, 2021

I work in a coffee and tea shop in a shopping centre. There is a branch of the city public library housed in the same building. There are signs in the shopping centre that indicate which way the library is, but they don’t mention the fact that it has a separate entrance; you have to leave the mall proper and go in through a different door.

My workplace is right next to the mall door closest to the library entrance, so it’s no surprise that my coworkers and I are often asked by confused visitors where the heck the library is. We never mind giving directions… but then there’s this guy.

Customer: “Excuse me, which way is the library?”

Me: “Oh, you just have to go out that door and go left.”

Customer: “Sorry?”

Me: “Out the door. It’s on your left, past the greengrocer and the fish market.”

Customer: “Out?”

Me: “Yes. Go outside and turn left down the walkway there. It’s at the end of the walkway.”

Customer: “But… outside?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “The library is outside?”

Me: “It’s the same building, but it has a different entrance. You have to go outside to get to it.”

He looks at the door and then back down the hallway he just came up, looking completely baffled.

Customer: “But… outside?”

Me: “Yes. Outside.”

Customer: *Confused silence*

Me: “Here, I’ll show you.”

I come out from behind the counter, walk to the mall exit, open the door, and point about twenty metres away AT THE LIBRARY ENTRANCE with a sign reading “Vancouver Public Library” over the door. 

Me: “It’s right there.”

The man looks at me, starts to come closer, walks out the mall door… and starts walking in completely the wrong direction, across the parking lot.

Me: “Sir? Sir? You’re going the wrong way.”

He doesn’t stop and is soon out of earshot.

Me: “Well, I tried.”

I hope he finally got to the library in the end.

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You Always Under-Budget For That Question

, , , , | Right | April 1, 2021

I work at a store that sells luggage and other travel accessories and bags. We always try to keep a large selection to suit everyone, so as a result, we have suitcases at many prices, ranging from $75 to $3000. Almost every day:

Me: “Do you have a budget or price point in mind?” 

Customer: “Oh, you know, not too much!”

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The Squeaky Migraine Gets The Grease

, , , , , , | Healthy | March 25, 2021

Despite the fact that I’m at very high risk of death from a certain health-crisis-related illness, I’m unable to get a vaccine since my state has not prioritized people like me. I complain about this to anyone who brings it up.

Upon the third day of waking up with a migraine, I go to urgent care where there is also a vaccine site. For their records, they ask if I’ve gotten the vaccine yet. I proceed with my usual rant about it even though I feel terrible. After two different injections for the migraine, I finally feel better and go home. 

That afternoon the physician’s assistant I saw earlier calls me. The vaccine clinic has extra doses and she offers to hold one for me if I can be there in half an hour. Of course, I say yes and race back there. 

And that’s the story of my two visits to urgent care in one day, three shots, a very nice and caring PA, and the only time I’ve ever been happy to have a three-day migraine.

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When Reading Is The Hardest Exercise At The Gym

, , , , | Right | February 26, 2021

I walk up to the desk of my rec centre after work to renew my gym membership. A world-weary woman behind the counter looks up at me.

Attendant: “Are you here for the gym or pool?”

Me: “Umm, I’m looking to renew my gym membership. The pool’s closed for two weeks.”

Attendant: “Wait. You know that?”

I look at her strangely.

Me: “Yeah. There’ve been signs in the parking garage and on the doors for weeks. I was staring at three signs about it as I was waiting in line. I saw it in big letters on your webpage when I checked your hours. I mean, my hand is resting on a Sharpie-written notice right now.”

Attendant: “So… some people do see them…”

Me: “I am so sorry about your next two weeks. Here’s my card to renew.”

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Even The Best Pizza Isn’t Worth Your Firstborn

, , , , | Working | February 25, 2021

I was visiting my brother for our weekly get-together, and I called a new restaurant to place a to-go order as I do every week so we have something to munch on as we visit. The message on the restaurant’s machine asked that calls only relate to existing orders and that they wanted orders to be made online.

I hung up, pulled the website up on my phone, and went through the order process, but when I got to the payment option, I stopped. I had the intention of paying with debit upon pickup and, even though it seemed as if that were an option, the information they demanded about me was far too much.

I tried to place the order without filling in all the boxes but couldn’t get to the next step without telling them everything about me.

Frustrated, I called the restaurant back and asked to place the order over the phone. The woman who picked up the phone was a bit miffed, but I was clear that I wasn’t about to give all my information for some pizza.

Looking back, I guess I could have lied on the form, but it was just such a ridiculous ask that I wasn’t going to play along.

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