Creating Colorful Memories

, , , | Related | June 22, 2017

(My family is on vacation in South Dakota. I’m eight and my sister is seven at the time. We are going to Deadwood to see the shops and the gunfight. My mom is explaining what it should be like.)

Mom: “It’s going to be just like one of the movies your dad watches.”

Sister: “Will it be in color?”

(30 years later we still give her grief about it.)

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Weighing The Pros And Cons

| Friendly | May 26, 2017

(I’m on a knitting tour organized by the Irish Tourism Board that includes classes and an overnight stay on one of the Aran Islands. The trip over is by ferry, but going back we have to fly (in two batches, on a plane about the size of my front porch). At the airport the desk attendant explains that for safety reasons she not only has to weigh our luggage, but all of us as well.)

Fellow Tourist: *aghast* “She’s weighing us?”

Me: “Yes, but look — she’s just writing it down; she’s not announcing it.”

Fellow Tourist: “Good, because I’m wearing heavy shoes.”

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The Strained Relationship Requires Padding

| Related | April 4, 2017

I’ve always had an amazing relationship with my dad. We’re very comfortable communicating about topics that a lot of parents have trouble discussing with their kids. When I am around eight years old, he remarries. He is married to my step-mother for only a couple of years, (for many reasons; she turned out to be a bad person all around), but this incident is one of the final straws.

When I am ten, we take a big family vacation to Disney World. There is me, my dad, my older brother, my step-mother, her parents, and her two sons who are also older than me. So the only females in the condo we rent are me, Step-Mom, and Step-Grandma. This is important.

I am an early bloomer, and have started having my period a few months before. My mom has only bought me pads previously, so that’s all I had experience with. Right in the middle of our vacation, I unexpectedly get my period. This would have been embarrassing enough for a 10-year-old, but I also have a condition (which won’t be diagnosed for a few more years) that makes my cycle much more painful than “normal,” to the point where I’ve actually passed out a few times.

I run to my step-mom to ask if she had any pads. Her response is to throw a box of tampons at me and walk away. When I try to tell her I’d never used them, and can she take me to the store for pads, she just yells at me to deal with it. Then she grabs her mother and leaves the condo to go shopping.

So I am in the bathroom, stuck in a condo with a bunch of men, with an item I am too scared to use. Sure, I could read the instructions, but this is a daunting task for 10-year-old me. Needless to say, I break down crying. My dad hears me and comes to see what is wrong. I tell him what has happened with my step-mom, and now I don’t know what else to do because I am scared to use the tampons. My dad calms me down, gets me to stop crying, and gives me his best “Cheer up! We’ll solve this!” face.

He takes the instructions out of the box, goes outside the bathroom door to give me privacy, and actually READS THE INSTRUCTIONS OUT LOUD to me so I can use a tampon long enough for us to go to the store for pads! Even at that age, I knew there weren’t many of my female friends whose dads would do something like that for them.

Now that I’m an adult, my dad and I can laugh about the whole thing, but oh, boy, was he mad when step-mom and her mother got back from “shopping.” Especially when they could have easily gotten pads for me while they were out.

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An Avalanche Of Rudeness

, , | Friendly | April 2, 2017

(We are waiting in an alternating line to get on the ski lift. I am currently in the middle of telling my mom about the interesting people I have met previously on the lift, while she moves to get on the lift. As she does, a family of two full-grown sons and the equally large father collectively cut her off and nearly run her over.)

Me: “I met some interesting ladies… who know how to alternate in line…” *pointedly glare at the three adults on my mom’s skis*

Their Mom: *blushes* “I am so sorry. Please go ahead of us.” *shoos them backwards*

My Mom: *cheerfully* “Okay! Thanks!”

(Honestly, I don’t mind them cutting, but having a collective 600 lbs barrelling towards my mother because they are impatient apparently makes me snarky! I do feel bad for embarrassing that woman, though.)

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Too Chicken To Play

| Friendly | March 30, 2017

(My husband and I are on vacation with a group of friends. We are playing Pictionary with me and my husband on a team against two friends. The word is ‘drumstick’ and I’m drawing for my husband. I start by trying to draw a drum set and sticks.)

Husband: “Okay, it’s a stick! It’s a pointy thing!”

Friend: *looking at the other friends drawing* “A truck? A big truck?”

Husband: *I switch to drawing chicken legs* “Is that an animal? What?”

Friend: *glances over at my drawing* “Why is she drawing a chicken??”

(We all died laughing as the timer ran out with no one guessing correctly. The other friend had misread the word as ‘dumptruck,’ and was so confused as to why I was drawing a chicken!)

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