There’s A Burning Issue

, , , , | Working | February 26, 2018

(I submit a short list of things for maintenance to take care of in my apartment. The maintenance worker comes and starts going down the list, fixing things. All is well until the last item on the list.)

Maintenance: “It says there’s a problem with your washer?”

Me: “Yeah. When I use it, something smells like it’s burning.”

Maintenance: *sniffs* “I don’t smell anything.”

Me: “Well, yeah. I’m not doing laundry right now.”

Maintenance: “I can’t fix it if I can’t replicate the problem. You need to call me over when it smells.”

Me: “You guys have a two-day window; how am I supposed to time my laundry so that I’m actually washing when you get here?”

Maintenance: “Just call the office; tell them to send someone.”

Me: *if it’s in use, he can’t open it up to look in, anyway* “Can you take a look now? I’m a little concerned since, again, it smells like something is burning.”

Maintenance: “Nope, I don’t smell anything. I can’t help you. Was there anything else?”

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One Day I’ll Guess Right

, , , , | Right | January 21, 2018

(I am a customer service representative for a utility company. This happens on almost a daily basis.)

Me: “May I have your account number so I can assist you?”

Customer: “Sure… Do you need the whole thing?”

Me: “Nope, just the first digit; I’ll just guess at the rest.”

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Unable To Move (On)

, , , , , | Working | October 27, 2017

(I am moving out of state soon and am calling around to shut off all of my utilities.)

Me: “Hi! I am moving and need to set up a shut off date for my gas. Everything should be paid in full.”

Operator: “Let’s see. It says you have zero balance due.”

Me: “Yep.”

(There is a long pause. I begin to wonder if we have been disconnected when she speaks again.)

Operator: “$58.49.”

Me: “What?”

(There is another long pause. This time I can clearly hear her still on the line, though she is not speaking. When she speaks up again she sounds even more confused.)

Operator: “That was due on the first.”

Me: “Okay?”

Operator: “Your payment was due on the first.”

Me: “Yes, that payment should have gone through.”

Operator: “What?”

Me: “I paid that.”

(There is yet another long pause. At this point it’s clear she can hear me just fine; she just seems baffled.)

Operator: “It says you have no payment due.”

Me: “Exactly.”

Operator: “So… you don’t owe anything.”

Me: “Right. I just want to set up a shut-off date. I’m moving.”

(Thankfully, she finally seemed to understand and set up my appointment. Not trusting her, I called back another day to confirm.)

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H2-Slow, Part 17

, , , , | Right | October 25, 2017

(I work customer service for a water company.)

Customer: “I noticed one of your company trucks passed by our subdivision. Is my water on?

Me: “Turn your faucet on to see if you have water.”

Customer: “Oh, my God, thank you so much. I’m so embarrassed.”

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And The Light Bulb Goes On

, , , , | Right | September 21, 2017

(A customer calls complaining of a high electric bill. I look over the account and see that the usage is, indeed, pretty high. I then go through a series of standard questions, trying to determine what could be causing the elevated usage.)

Customer: “Well, I do run two refrigerators and a freezer. One fridge in the kitchen, freezer in the basement, and a second fridge in the garage.”

Me: *knowing it is winter time and far colder out than would require the fridge in the garage to run* “It seems unlikely the fridge in the garage would be running very much with it being so cold.”

Customer: “No, it’s running.”

Me: “Why would be running if it is not warm enough in the garage to require it to turn on?”

Customer: “Well, there is a light bulb in it.”

Me: “There is a light bulb in every fridge, but it only turns on when the door opens.”

Customer: “No, I put a light bulb in it on an extension cord to force the fridge to run. It is a very old fridge, and we are scared that if it shuts off it may not come back on, so we put a light bulb in it to keep it on.”

Me: “…so, you are using a light bulb as a heat source to keep the very old fridge running all the time?”

Customer: *very satisfied with herself* “YES!”

Me: *silent facepalm* “This is the reason for your increased electric consumption.”

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