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Second Thoughts About Second Sight

, , , , , , | Right | November 5, 2010

Customer: “My garbage disposal is clogged up.”

Me: “What is stuck in your garbage disposal?”

Customer: “A crystal ball.”

Me: “A what?”

Customer: “My crystal ball rolled off the counter and fell in my garbage disposal.”

Me: “You didn’t see that coming?”


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Money To Burn

, , , , | Right | May 23, 2010

Caller: “I want to know why my gas bill is so high.”

Me: “Okay, well, looking at your account history I can see we have billed you accurate readings which show very high daily consumption. How many hours is your central heating in use per day?”

Caller: “I never use my heating since my boiler started smelling of gas.”

Me: “It sounds like you may have a gas leak in the property. I need you to call the gas emergency helpline as soon as you finish this call. Please extinguish any naked flames and try to turn off your electrical appliances if it is safe to do so.”

Caller: “Is the leak causing my high bill?”

Me: “How long have you been smelling gas?”

Caller: “About five months.”

Me: “Sir, that is a very dangerous amount of time to leave a gas leak unattended. Why did you not query this earlier?”

Caller: “It didn’t seem important.”

Me: “I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to call the emergency helpline straight away.”

Caller: “Can’t we talk about my bill first?”


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Who’s Got The Power Now, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | April 24, 2009

Caller: “I don’t care what your little book says. Put my f****** power on!”

Me: “I can’t do that for you unless you pay your debt in full, sir.”

Caller: “Why are you being a b**** about this? Just let it slide!”

Me: “We’ve been letting it slide for months, sir. You now owe us in excess of a thousand dollars. Our rules are very clear: we are not to reconnect your power until you pay your debt.”

Caller: “F*** you! I’m going to kill you! I’m going to come to your house and kill you!”

Me: “The difference between you and me, sir, is that I know where YOU live.”

Caller: *click*


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The Lights Are On But Nobody’s Home

, , , | Right | October 15, 2008

Client: “I need to see if I can get a settlement advancement because I only have enough money to pay my rent or electricity bill.”

Me: “I will talk to the adjuster and see if we can get an advancement, but they don’t have to give you one and we can not force them.”

Client: “That’s great, thank you… but which bill should I pay?”

Me: “I am not going to tell you what to do, but let me ask you this: what good is electricity if you do not have a place to live?”

Client: “So, which bill should I pay then?”

Me: “…really?”


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