Putting The Men On The Menu

, , , | Right | May 16, 2011

(Some customers come up to my till to pay for their meals.)

Me: “How was your meal today, sir?”

Customer: “It was good and I was delicious.”

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Their Business Days Are Numbered

, , , , | Right | April 21, 2011

Me: “Thank you for calling! Can I have your customer ID number, please?”

Caller: “I don’t have that. Can I give you the business name?”

Me: “Do you have your program open? I can actually tell you how to find your customer ID number.”

Caller: “No, but I have the address.”

Me: “Do you have the phone number by chance? That usually brings it up.”

Caller: “No, but I have the customer number. Will that help?”

Me: “Yes, the customer number would be very helpful…”

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Brokers With Chokers

, , , , , | Right | April 13, 2011

(We sell all types of insurance, including bonds. I am on the phone to a customer.)

Caller: “Do you guys do bondage there?”

Me: “Yes, sir. However, the gentleman that handles that is all tied up at the moment.”

Customer: “Oh. Haha. Um… yeah.”

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Plight Of The Navigator

, , , | Right | April 2, 2011

Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP] technical support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “How do I get to gmail.com?”

Me: “Type gmail.com into the navigation field of your web browser and hit enter.”

Customer: “Huh. It says gmail: email from Google. The next one is Gmail – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Then, just a big list of things with ‘gmail’ in it.”

Me: “Just a moment, sir. Where exactly did you type gmail.com?”

Customer: “Into the box where the words go, near the top.”

Me: “Is there another box with words in it even higher up? Maybe starting with http://. It’s probably followed by a www?”

Customer: “Huh? What does that have to do with anything?”

Me: “What does it say in that box?”

Customer: “It says http://search.yahoo.com. Then, there’s a bunch of other stuff. Oh. Wait. What?”

Me: “Well, what that is–”

Customer: “Somebody needs to tell Gmail what Yahoo did to them!”

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Time To Get Your Head(er) Checked

, , , , | Right | February 1, 2011

(I am wearing a name tag with my name on it. At the top of our receipts, it says ‘Your Cashier Was’ and lists my name)

Customer: *looks at receipt* “Your name’s Footer? That’s a strange name.”

Me: “Uh, no. My name’s [My Name], like it says on my name tag. Why would you think my name was Footer?”

Customer: “Because this receipt says your name is Footer!”

Me: “May I see that?”

Customer: *hands me the receipt*

Me: “It has the right name here at the top.”

Customer: “No, down at the bottom.”

(I look at the bottom of the receipt. It says “Footer: Thank you for shopping at [store], have a nice day!)

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