Somebody’s Not Listening

, , , , | Right | August 29, 2010

(I am leaving the small medical clinic where I work in the laboratory. A couple enters the doors looking lost.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Woman: “We’re trying to find the, ‘er-ology’ clinic?”

Me: “Ah urology. That’s on the second floor, so if you go up the elevator–”

Man: *interrupting* “Wait, wait! There it is, right there!” (He points to a door that says ‘Ear, Nose, and Throat’.)

Me: “Well, actually that’s the door for Ear, Nose–”

Man: *interrupting again* “Yeah! Ears. Like Ear-ology!”


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Swords On A Plane

, , , , , , , , | Right | August 19, 2010

(A man going through security is stopped when the X-ray reveals that he has a full-length sword in his carry-on luggage.)

Me: “Sir, what are you doing with this sword?”

Customer: “It’s a souvenir. It’s not even sharp.”

Me: “This can in no way go on board a plane.”

Customer: “But it’s not even sharp!”

Me: “You’re going to need to come with me. Anything like this, whether it’s a souvenir or not, should have been placed in your checked luggage.”

Customer: “I don’t believe this! It’s not a real sword! And it’s not even sharp?! Do I look stupid to you?”

Me: “You look like a person trying to bring a sword onto a plane.”


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Like A Fish Out Of Water

, , , , , | Right | August 16, 2010

(Our store has a return policy involving fish: they can return them as long as they have the animal and receipt.)

Customer: “My fish died again.”

Me: “How long did you have the fish for?”

Customer: “Only about two days. This is the second fish this has happened with.”

(I proceed to start asking questions about her daily tasks of tank operations. After several minutes, I can’t figure out what is wrong.)

Me: “How about you take me through your daily routine?”

Customer: “Well, first I go down and feed the fish. Then I pick him up and pet him for a bit. Then around lunchtime, I pet him some more.”

Me: “So you pull the fish out of the water and pet it?”

Customer: “Only for a few minutes. Why?”

Me: “Fish can’t breathe out of water. Didn’t you notice it gasping?”

Customer: “Well, it can just hold its breath, right?”


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Large Signs, Larger Bags, And Even Larger Egos

, , , , , | Right | June 19, 2010

(A customer with a large bag enters the store.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. You’re going to have to check your bag there up at the front counter.”

Customer: “Why?! I’ve never had to before!”

Me: “I’m sorry, it’s store policy.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t! You’re doing this just because I’m not white! I guess non-white people aren’t welcome here!”

Me: “You’re more than welcome here, but it’s store policy that all shoppers check their bags.”

Customer: “Show me a sign that says this is your policy!”

(I take her up front and show her the large, bright-red sign with bold, white letters that says customers are required to check their bags before shopping.)

Customer: “You put this out because you saw me coming!”

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No Clue At The Zoo

, , , , , , | Right | May 4, 2010

(We are hosting a visiting special exhibit featuring animals endemic to Madagascar. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I don’t think I saw the Madagascar inside the exhibit.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “The Madagascar. Was that the furry thing in the glass cage?”

Me: “Madagascar is a country, ma’am. It’s an island nation off the coast of Africa.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I’ve seen the movie!”


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