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When You Can’t Even Have Fried Chicken In Peace, We Still Have A Long Way To Go

, , , , , | Right | July 8, 2022

My dad and I were getting some lunch, and I decided I wanted chicken. We went to a popular fried chicken place, and as we were eating, a lady came in. I didn’t hear everything, but she was loud so I could hear some. It seemed she was complaining about them messing her order up, and she “is very careful about watching her diet.” This confused me; she was at a fast food restaurant. 

I could hear the manager trying to get some clarifying information, as the lady wasn’t really explaining what was wrong. It also seemed the lady wanted a refund but also wanted her food corrected. I couldn’t see very well from where we were sitting, but suddenly, the woman shrieked at the top of her lungs.

Customer: “OH, MY F****** GOD! OH, MY F****** GOD! ARE YOU HOMOSEXUALS?! I F****** HATE HOMOSEXUALS!”

She then stormed out of the building and walked away. I watched her to make sure I didn’t need to call the cops. It was so scary and so weird that most of us were silent for several minutes — and there were kids in the establishment.

I got into our car but then decided to give the employees something. I tried to find some money but I couldn’t find any cash, so I felt bad I didn’t give them a tip. However, I wrote a note on a receipt that said, “Don’t let it get to you. It says more about them than about you. Keep up the great work!” and left it at the front counter.

Part of me wishes I had said, “Well, I hate homophobes!”

Bullet (And Litigation) Dodged

, , , , , , | Legal Romantic | July 7, 2022

One of my friends had a girlfriend who was, to put it lightly, difficult to handle. To put it less lightly, she was vain, controlling, belittling, and the kind of narcissist who honestly believed that the world would simply change because she wanted it to.

My friend finally decided that he was going to break up with her. I saw him the day after and asked him how it went.

Friend: “Well, about as well as I could expect.”

Me: “That bad?”

Friend: “She said she’s going to sue me for abusing her by making decisions like this without her consent.”

Because of course, she was the kind of girl who’d expect you to get her permission before you could break up with her.

However, the best part was when my friend got a letter in the mail a couple of weeks later. The return address had the name “US Court System” but actually had his ex’s address below that, and inside was a plain printed letter that said, in short, that “court proceeds” were started against him, but they could be halted if he reversed his “ellipsis of judgment,” among several other completely wrong word choices.

He considered writing back with something like “Nice try,” but ultimately, he just shredded the letter and moved on. It has been three months now, and he hasn’t heard anything else about any “court proceeds.”

This Image Is The Chuckle We Needed Today

, , , , , | Healthy | June 30, 2022

I took a call from a woman wanting to schedule a neuter for her Italian Greyhound. We had a long, rational discussion about anesthesia, pricing, pre- and post-op considerations, etc. I’d entered her and her dog’s information, scheduled the appointment, advised her regarding fasting, and was about to hang up when she just had one more question.

Woman: “Just out of curiosity, do you remove the testicles completely, or is it that new thing I’ve heard about where you just deflate them?”

I managed to answer the question and hang up before I burst out laughing, but I couldn’t get the picture out of my head of our doctor poking the dog’s scrotum with a needle and the dog flying around the room like a balloon.

Old Yell-er

, , , | Right | June 23, 2022

I work at a famous sandwich shop. This customer has been particularly rude and condescending to the staff each time he’s been in. After storming off the first couple of times I served him, he started flat out refusing to let me make his sandwiches.

Tonight, there is one other person working with me. He knows who the customer is and knows he doesn’t like me. The customer comes in, and after I finish putting the meat on the sandwiches I am working on, I give my standard greeting.

Me: “What can I start for you today?”

The customer looks up at me, doesn’t say a word, and then goes back to his phone. I help my coworker finish up the other sandwiches and tell him to help the customer. He refuses and starts doing mundane tasks like stocking things that don’t need to be stocked. I try my greeting with the customer again.

Me: “What can I start for you?”

Customer: *A bit rudely* “Can someone else make my sandwich?”

I hand him off to my coworker and go into the walk-in cooler to (figuratively) cool off. The rest is told to me by my coworker.

Coworker: “Do you have a problem with him?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t really like the way he makes my sandwiches.” *A few seconds of silence* “You don’t even know who I am.”

Coworker: “Oh, yeah, I do. You’re the guy that yelled at me on my second day here and almost made me quit.”

The customer mutters something inaudible under his breath, followed by:

Customer: “I do not yell. I always give all of my kindness to the [Store] workers.”

Coworker: “Look, you can either leave or shut up and let me finish your sandwich.”

The customer is mostly quiet after this until my coworker is done ringing him up. It is worth noting that there is a link at the bottom of the receipts that will take you to a survey about your experience.

Customer: “I do not yell. Put the receipt in my bag.”

After he and the rest of the customers in the store left, my coworker called our boss to tell his side of the story, almost certain he was going to be given a negative review. Fortunately, our boss didn’t care what my coworker said. For now, we’ll just have to wait and see what the customer says in his review.

The Adventures Of Nurse Tantrum

, , , , , | Right | April 17, 2022

I’m a chef in a hospital cafeteria. It’s the Friday before Easter weekend, and to make things worse, we’re due for an inspection the following Monday. The lunch rush just ended and my boss takes me into the freezer to show me everything he ordered for Easter dinner. The freezer is sound-proof.

We spend maybe less than a minute in the freezer and then exit. We have a bell that employees can ring for service if no one is on the line; it’s fairly normal for someone to ring the bell once or twice in a row just to make sure we hear them. In the fifteen seconds that it takes us to get from the freezer to the front, the bell rings no less than twelve times.

The other employees later tell me that this nurse spent the last thirty seconds both ringing the bell non-stop and slamming her hands on the metal counter. The perpetrator ends up being one of the rudest and self-important nurses in the hospital.

Me: “You know patience is a virtue, right?”

Rude Nurse: “I’ll have you know I’ve been waiting here for five minutes for service!”

That’s not true. As explained above, I was gone for less than two minutes. I try not to chuckle at that lie.

Me: “No, you haven’t.”

The nurse sputters for a second, trying to find words.

Rude Nurse: “Well… I… just give me food, already!”

Me: “Okay, what would you—”

She sees that I’m not getting flustered.

Rude Nurse: “You know what? Forget it.” *Storms out*

Boss: “What is she, five?”

We, along with the other dozen or so employees who bore witness to this tantrum, spent the rest of the afternoon having a good laugh.