They Don’t Have A Leg To Stand On

, , , | Legal | May 21, 2021

I get a scam call. I decide to have some fun messing with them.

Me: “Hello?”

Scammer: “I am calling about your car’s extended warranty that is about to expire.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t have a car because I don’t have legs.”

Scammer: *Long pause* “Oh, I’m… um… sorry.” *Click*

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Only Has Half The Facts

, , , , | Right | May 15, 2021

I work in a café that is also a bakery. Every now and then, we change our menu; something may not sell well, so we discontinue it and give our customers something else that’s brand-new. Of course, we’re all kept up to date about what we sell and don’t sell anymore, but some of our customers like to think they know way better than we do and it can be frighteningly easy to call someone’s bluff.

Customer: “Can I get a half-salad?”

We stopped selling half-salads more than two years ago. All of our salads are one size only.

Coworker: “I’m sorry, we only do full salads now.”

Customer: *Condescendingly* “How long have you worked at this job? You must be new at this.”

Coworker: “Actually, I’ve been here more than two years.”

Customer: “No, you must be new. I’ve been a loyal customer for more than two years and you always have half-salads. I bought a half-salad just last week.”

This went back and forth for a good while, and the rest of us had to roll our eyes and pity our poor coworker. Either this lady honestly confused us with another store, or she was trying to scam us.

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Give Her Booze And She Gives You Boos

, , , , , | Right | May 14, 2021

I am a waitress in a Mexican restaurant. We have so few alcohol sales that a few months before this, we gave up our liquor distributor license. We don’t sell enough alcohol to pay for the registration and hassle.

I’m seating a couple and getting them started.

Me: “And anything to drink tonight?”

Wife: “I’ll have a margarita.”

Me: “We don’t sell alcohol. All our drinks are virgin, so is a virgin margarita okay?”

Wife: *Sighing dramatically* “What other options do I have?”

I list other options including water, horchata, soft drinks, and some other mocktails and non-alcoholic beers.

Wife: “Fine, I’ll have the virgin margarita.”

Later, after I’ve brought out their drinks, they flag me down.

Wife: “I am tasting this margarita, and I think it has alcohol. I specifically requested a virgin.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that your drink is virgin.”

Wife: “I am tasting alcohol. I think your bartender messed up.”

Me: “We don’t have a bartender, as we don’t have alcohol. I mixed the drink myself.”

Wife: “I tasted alcohol. There is alcohol, and my drink should be virgin. I want the drink taken off my bill.”

Me: “There is no alcohol on the premises. It is impossible for there to be alcohol in your drink.”

Wife: “I say that there’s alcohol in this drink. You must have forgotten to tell them that I wanted a virgin.”

Me: “Ma’am, there is no alcohol in it. There is no alcohol anywhere in the building.”

She asked to speak to the manager, who backed me up. She ended up paying but then wrote a review about how her drink had alcohol when she specifically requested a virgin.

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You’ve Fallen For One Of The Classic Blunders

, , , , , | Working | May 3, 2021

I work for an insurance company. I’m on vacation, enjoying myself and relaxing, when I suddenly receive a text message. It is from my direct supervisor.

Supervisor: “YOU’RE FIRED!”

This particular supervisor has hated me from the day she started working with me. I’m initially puzzled and furious that she’d fire me via text without any reasoning behind it, much less wait until I’m on vacation to do so. I’m about to reply asking why I was fired when I notice something.

She sent me that text message in a group conversation. With my boss.

A few moments later, another message appears in the conversation.

Boss: “[Supervisor], come to my office. Right now, please. [My Name], I’m sorry about that. You’re not fired.”

I ended up getting a few laughs out of a moment that nearly ruined my vacation. When I returned to work five days later, my supervisor was nowhere in sight and her formerly-cluttered desk was now completely empty.

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He Lost The Chair Stare

, , , | Right | April 5, 2021

A customer is looking at the desk chairs, and after trying out a few, he finds one he likes.

Customer: “I’ll take it!”

He starts to push it towards the front. I follow, as it’s one of several display models, but my boss is fine with the floor models being sold if customers want them. We get to the front, but rather than stopping at the desk, the man keeps walking toward the door with the chair.

Me: “Sir, you are going to have to pay for that.”

He turns to look at me and lets out a really fake-sounding laugh.

Customer: “Oh, I’m just going to take it for a test drive and see how it looks at home.”

I’m not sure if he is joking or not.

Me: *With a chuckle* “I’m sorry, we don’t offer that service.”

He stared at me for a little bit before pushing the chair over to my desk, and then he turned and walked out. I put it back, wondering what kind of store he shops at that actually lets you take things home without paying for them.

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