Unfiltered Story #177718

, , | Unfiltered | November 17, 2019

(Due to a set of confusing circumstances, I get pulled over for driving a vehicle with an expired registration. The cop gives me a ticket to pay off, which me and my Mom go do to so the following Friday as the ticket clearly states that there is a minimum of 4 days for us to come in to pay it. It also states that if we do not pay the ticket before 14 days have passed, they can put out a warrant for our arrest. We approach a clerk and give her the information she needs.)

Clerk: “Okay… And this would normally cost about $50, but since you’ve come in before 21 days have passed I can bring that down to $20 for you.”

Mom: “Oh, good! Wait… 21 days? But the ticket says we have to come in before 14…”

Clerk: “You would be surprised how many people come in after that.”

Mom: “Seriously?”

(The clerk nods, and we pay the ticket and leave.)

Me: “People really put it off for that long? But it says a maximum of 14 days!”

Mom: “I don’t know…”

Unfiltered Story #174595

, , | Unfiltered | November 5, 2019

(it was a week before school started again, and this would be my first year at the school, so i was walking around it. as i was walking through one of the halls, some girls were messing around.)
girl #1: *nudges girl #2 and makes here drop here iphone* (iphone 6, i think)
girl #2: “careful, that an $800 phone, and i just got it.” she says as she picks it up
(i don’t get why people would pay that much for a phone.)

Take Your Mansplaining And Shove It Down The Toilet

, , , , , | Romantic | October 25, 2019

(My husband has been disabled the past two years and now sits down to use the toilet. He is also on day two of quitting smoking, so he still goes and sits out on our deck for “a break.” Tonight I join him on the deck.)

Me: “After sitting on that hard seat, I think I need to go poop.”

Husband: “Try sitting on the toilet. Now that I sit to pee, sometimes it just happens, and I’m like, ‘Oh, I needed to poop.’”

Me: *giggling* “Yeah, I get that.” *laughing* “It’s like it’s happened every single day of my life.”

Husband: “Oh, my God. I just explained sitting on the toilet to relieve myself… to a woman.”

Me: *belly-laughing*

Husband: *head in his hands* “I’m an idiot.”

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Unfiltered Story #173069

, , | Unfiltered | October 25, 2019

This happens WAY too often.

Me: [Book Company]. How may I help you?

Caller: Is this [Book Company]?

Me: …Yes.

Caller: Oh good. Can you help me with something?

Me: …Yes.

Children Of The Damned

, , , , | Related | October 17, 2019

(I grew up obsessed with vampires from a very young age because of the movie “Queen of the Damned” — my favorite character being the beautiful and alluring Queen Akasha. As a result, my mom had offered to make me — and later, my best friend — costumes based off the character’s two iconic outfits, complete with blood and various bite wounds for Halloween. Mind you, my friend and I were at the tender young age of six or seven, and while my mom in all her visually-impaired, duct-tape-and-cardboard glory made the costumes a little more modest than the original outfits, the costumes still showed off enough skin to be deemed “sexy.” When my friend and I won a huge costume contest, apparently, the other parents had an issue with this. Years later, I find pictures of the costume contest with my friend and me holding up our buckets of candy prizes.)

Mom: “Yeah… the other parents didn’t like me because, apparently, I just let you dress like a slut all the time. One mom even tried to get you disqualified, which didn’t work since the judges were actually teenagers and they loved it!”

Me: “Seriously? Did they not see that I even took the costume off to skate and that I was wearing jeans underneath? Did they not know that little girls have belly buttons or…?”

Mom: “Oh, no. I let you express yourself a lot growing up and God forbid I let you believe that you were beautiful and have confidence. I even laughed in the face of a parent who told me you were going to be a teen mom. It’s a good thing I’m blind. Ignoring the angry looks I apparently got made them even angrier.” *wistfully* “I’m such a bad mommy.”

(My asexual self, thinking back to my cringy cosplay days in high school and how I never cared to even date until I was 21, “Oh, if only they could see me now…”)

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