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No One Is Immune To The Charm Of Bacon And Cheese

, , , , , , , | Working | August 22, 2022

I’m at a semi-famous fast food chain that has “kosher-style dogs” on its menu, in a part of the US that’s rather notorious for its lack of religious diversity. The entire state has fewer than 6,000 Jews. Although “kosher-style” means it’s not certified kosher (and I don’t really care), I still get a good laugh out of this exchange.

Me: “Can I get a kosher dog, please?”

Cashier: “Would you like cheese or bacon on it?”

I just about fall over laughing. Afterward, I text a Jewish friend about it.

Friend: “Correct answer: ‘both.'”

Unless They Plan On Giving You Four Sandwiches…

, , , , , , , | Working | August 15, 2022

I went to a convenience store near my apartment to buy a grab-and-go sub when this happened at the register.

Cashier: “$25.82.”

Me: “How many times did you scan that?”

The cashier paused.

Cashier: “$6.45.”

Some People Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Be Doctors

, , , , | Healthy | August 12, 2022

I was diagnosed with epilepsy at thirteen and have been treated for complex-partial seizures ever since. I’m now twenty, have moved away to attend university, and have gone to see a new neurologist at the local hospital.

Me: “I requested that my medical records be sent here. I have complex-partial seizures, mainly, and I’ve been taking [medication] for three years—”

Doctor: “What happened to your arm?”

Me: “I hurt it during a seizure last week. I still have them if I get very stressed and don’t sleep enough, but the medication—”

Doctor: *Sarcastically* “You ‘hurt it during a seizure’?”

Me: “Well… yes. I scraped it when my arm was spasming. It happens sometimes.”

Doctor: “Sure, it does. I’m going to refer you to the psychiatric clinic. There are better ways to look for attention, honey.”

Me: “I was diagnosed by EEG. My last neurologist already ruled out PNES—”

Doctor: “Look, honey, you can either do as I say or I’ll have to give you a Munchausen’s diagnosis and nobody will be able to treat you. Now, it’s time for you to go.”

I leave, immensely frustrated, and end up making a plan to travel back home to see my old neurologist every six months. Things go fine at first until I have a seizure at work one day and a coworker calls an ambulance. I can’t respond to their questions, so they take me to the hospital where [Doctor] works.

After consulting his file, they give me an anxiety medication which I am mildly allergic to — he apparently believes I am faking the allergy, as well — and leave me alone in a darkened room for several hours.

Confused, I eventually wander out of the hospital and am found by my roommate, who has been searching for me. She calls my family to tell them I am safe.

Over an hour later, my mother gets this call.

Caller: “Hi, this is [Caller] at [Hospital]. Your daughter was here earlier having a panic attack. We’re not sure where she is now. Would you like us to start looking for her?”

Mother: “What the f*** is wrong with you people?!”

Proof That Techs Kick A**

, , , , , , , | Working | August 4, 2022

A dozen years ago, I worked for the onsite warranty repair vendor of a major PC manufacturer. My clients were primarily help desk techs. They handled minor repairs and software issues, but for major repairs like motherboards, the manufacturer would dispatch us to the client’s offices.

One day, I was dispatched to a small hospital in a semi-rural area about an hour outside of a major city. I contacted the help desk techs, who escorted me back to the IT office. Most IT offices are notoriously messy, but the first thing I saw when I got to this one was a floor-to-ceiling, wall-to-wall fort made out of the manufacturer’s PC boxes, except for an entryway with an arch made out of our keyboard boxes! I was both stunned and doubled over with laughter, and I took a picture of the fort with my phone.

A few weeks later, I met the techs’ boss during an unrelated visit to a different hospital about twenty minutes away. I showed him the picture I took with my phone. He told me that not only did he know about it, but they had named it “Fort Kick-A**”!

I still keep the picture to this day as proof that IT people are insane.

Going Beyond Bagels

, , , , , , | Right | August 3, 2022

I moved in with my grandpa for a few years after his first stroke to help take care of him. Luckily, he recovered quite a lot after it and didn’t truly need 100% around-the-clock care, but he wasn’t allowed to drive anymore or cook or operate the yard work equipment. I was there to help with that type of stuff.

There was this bagel shop that I would drive past every day on my way to work, and on Saturdays, stopping there for breakfast was my special treat. I literally stopped by almost every Saturday for the three years that I lived with my grandpa. It only took a couple of months before the staff — especially the manager — recognized me and knew my order. I always ordered the same coffee drink and would rotate through a few different bagel orders.

The Saturday I realized that I was such a regular was very busy as it was graduation weekend for the local college. I walked in and right as I joined the line, the manager addressed me.

Manager: “Hi, [My Name]. I’ll get that [regular drink order] started for you. We only have one of [a regular bagel order] left, but if you want to wait about ten minutes, the other ones you like will be cooled so we can cut them.”

Me: “Thanks for the heads-up.”

The experience truly cemented to me the impactfulness that being a kind regular someplace can have on your life.

My grandpa passed away. I moved out very shortly after his death because it was too hard being in that house alone. A handful of months passed. It was a Saturday, and I had been up at the house helping my family do the last deep clean of the place before it was listed on the market. On a whim, I decided to stop by my old bagel shop on my way home.

As I walked in the door, I could tell that all the staff had changed. I figured that since it had been a while, I wouldn’t be recognized. As I was approaching the counter, that same manager came up front.

Manager: “[My Name]! I haven’t seen you come by in a while. How are things? Do you still like your [regular drink order]?”

I was completely stunned that this almost stranger — but not really a stranger — remembered me, let alone still remembered my order months after not seeing them. After a rough emotional morning of cleaning out my grandpa’s house, the kindness of the situation hit me and I started tearing up a little.

I responded, trying to not totally start crying.

Me: “Yes.”

Manager: *Concern in their voice* “Do you still like [one of my bagel orders]?”

Me: “Yes.” *Deep breath* “I would like that, please.”

The manager made my order and then brought it over to me and sat down with me for a moment. We talked a bit about what had happened and why I hadn’t been around. That was the last time I saw them, but their kindness will always stay with me, and I hope they are doing well in life. That moment really taught me that you are never truly alone in the world. You make an impression on others’ lives just by going about your daily habits.