Several years ago, I was working as a field tech for an IT services company. I’ve just finished my last ticket for the day, but I don’t have enough gas to get home. I’m also feeling a little worn out and decide to get some coffee, too, but I’m in an area where almost everyone is Mormon. For those that don’t know, Mormons aren’t supposed to drink coffee.

I’m also near a university that’s run by the Mormon Church, and drinking coffee is grounds (no pun intended) for expulsion. I pull up to a gas station, fill up, walk inside, grab a bottled coffee drink from the fridge, and bring it to the cashier. I’m feeling a little silly, so I decide to pull the cashier’s leg as she rings me up.

Me: *Dead-panning* “Do you need to see ID for this?”

Cashier: “The register just told me to ask for your ID.”

Me: *Laughs*

Cashier: “No, really. It said to card you. I’m not joking.”

She didn’t actually card me like the register told her to, but we both had a good laugh that I desperately needed!

My husband used to work putting up wallpaper in large, rich-people houses. He’s very direct. When he works, he tends to hyper-focus on the job, and he doesn’t really understand social cues.

His boss, the owner of the company, is an older, fairly friendly guy, but he’s as conservative as the average person in this state. One day, he comes up to my husband with a weird expression.

Boss: *In a low whisper* “[Husband]! [Husband]! Our client… The owner of this house… He’s married!”

Husband: *Pauses* “Okay.”

Boss: “No, you don’t understand. He’s married… to another man!”

Husband: *Genuinely confused* “What does that have to do with the wallpaper?”

Boss: “Nothing, but our client is, well… It’s weird!”

Husband: *Pauses again* “I agree, the wallpaper is a strange choice, but it’s what they wanted.”

Boss: “No, they’re two men living and being married here. In this house! How can they even afford a place like this?”

Husband: “I’m sorry, what does that have to do with the wallpaper?”

Boss: “ARGH! Never mind!”

The boss grumbled to himself as he walked away. My husband didn’t work with him for long after that.

Many years ago, while going to college, I worked as a prep cook at a family restaurant. Also working there were two brothers from an African country. They also attended college there, and they were the main cooks. [Brother #1], being tall and thin, looked a bit more exotic than his brother, [Brother #2]. They both spoke English well with slight accents. And because they were black, they stood out in this college town in Utah anyway. They were fun guys to work with overall.

The restaurant had hired a new host whose main job was to seat people. I didn’t interact with him much, but he was a tad condescending at those times when I did. But different strokes and all that…

During our breaks, we could order our meals for half price and eat them in the break room. On this particular occasion, [Brother #2] and I were taking our break at the same time and talking when this new host took his break and sat down. He kept trying to break into our conversation but not too successfully. [Brother #1] brought him the meal that he’d ordered and returned to the kitchen.

New Host: “This doesn’t look very good.”

Me: “Oh, it looks all right. I’ve had it before.”

New Host: “So have I, but I think that African a**hole messed it up.”

Remember, [Brother #2] was sitting right there.

Me: “Uh… you know…”

New Host: “What?”

Me: *Pointing at [Brother #2]* “That’s his brother.”

The new host went pale and didn’t talk anymore, all while [Brother #2] was giving him the ol’ stinkeye. He told [Brother #1] about it, and he got very angry.

That host didn’t work there for very long. Whether he was fired or quit, I don’t know. But how oblivious do you have to be to not see that these two guys had some connection?

At the call center where I worked, we helped customers with basic troubleshooting when their Internet wasn’t working — the old “unplug it and plug it back in” and whatnot. We were trained for three days, which consisted of one day of the actual teaching and practice and then two days of having one person on the actual phone while the rest of us listened and then gave feedback. After that, we were on the phones with some supervision.

It was my second day on the phones. I have anxiety, so being on the phones was very nerve-wracking, especially since a coworker and I had been pulled off the phones after an hour the day before to get more training done, but then were told by the main office manager that we don’t get more training. I felt very scared and underprepared.

It didn’t help that one of my callers was getting short with me and was impatient as I tried to remember and locate everything I needed. Our supervisor told us to let the callers know that we were new if we were being a bit slow or if the callers seemed to be impatient, and that seemed to help… until this caller.

Caller: “What’s the hold-up?!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I’m still new here and I’m learning. Please be patient with me.”

Caller: *In a condescending tone* “You shouldn’t tell people you’re new. I’m a supervisor, and it’s very unprofessional to tell someone you are new.”  

To be honest, I was a bit surprised, so it took me a few moments, but then I answered.

Me: “I’m sorry. My supervisor told me to let customers know I was new so they could understand why it’s taking a moment.”

I was a bit short, but my anxiety got the best of me. He was silent for a little bit and then said, again shortly:

Caller: “Well, you shouldn’t tell people that.”

I mean, maybe it is a bit unprofessional, but if someone seems like they don’t know what they are doing and then they tell me they are new and still learning the job, chances are I’m going to be a bit more understanding than to someone who has been there for years. Also, why do people feel like they need to tell others how to do their jobs?

This is during the 2014 World Cup. [Coworker #1] is watching the Belgium-USA game online on a popular Spanish-language TV station’s website.

Coworker #1: “I thought the US was supposed to be playing?”

Coworker #2: “They are; they just played our national anthem.”

Coworker #1: “I thought so, but it says ‘Bell-ee-cee-a’ and ‘Es-tay-doze Yoo-nee-doze’?”

Me: *Laughing* “Yes, that’s the United States.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, well, I don’t know Portuguese…”

Related:
Totally Estúpido! Part 20
Totally Estúpido! Part 19
Totally Estúpido! Part 18
Totally Estúpido! Part 17
Totally Estúpido! Part 16