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New Meeting, Who Dis?

, , , , , , | Right | February 1, 2023

Several years ago, I was in a business meeting at my employer, a big company, and the meeting room has a speakerphone for when people have to call in. But everyone who has to be in the meeting is present in the room. That’s when the speakerphone rings and I answer it.

Me: “Hello, [Big Company].”

Caller: “Is [Name] there?”

Me: “No, you must have the wrong number. You’ve reached an office at [Big Company].”

Caller: “No, but I want to speak to [Name].”

Me: “Really, there’s no one here by that name. You must have the wrong number.”

Caller: “But this is their number. I know it’s right.”

Me: “This is the number for [Big Company], not a private residence. Could you have entered the wrong number?”

Pause.

Caller: “YOU-ALL’S CONFUSING ME. GET OFF MAH PHONE!” *Click*

My colleagues laughed.

Colleague: “This could only happen to you.”

Me: “Let me tell you about a website where it happens to a lot of people…”

Please Tell Us We Misread That Last Line

, , , , , | Working | February 1, 2023

I’m letting my boss know that I got selected for jury duty and might be out for potentially two weeks the following month. [Coworker]’s desk is right between mine and my boss’s. [Coworker] is very nosy and likes to enter into the conversation even if it’s in no way about him.

Coworker: “So, what’s the case on?”

Me: “I don’t know. You’re not supposed to know what the case is so you can’t do research on it prior to going to court. That way, you don’t already have an opinion on the case; your bias could lead to a mistrial.”

Coworker: “Oh, yeah. That makes sense. I didn’t think about that.”

He’s literally a lawyer!

This Conversation Does Not Reach An Organic Conclusion

, , , , | Right | February 1, 2023

I’m working through my line at the fast food place where I work.

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Fast Food Place]. What would you like to order?”

I get one of those annoying customers who doesn’t even look at the menu until they’re being served, slowing down service while they um and ahh.

Me: “Would you like to try our new chicken sandwich? It’s quite popular right now.”

Customer: “What’s in it?”

I run through the ingredients.

Customer: “Is it locally sourced chicken?”

Me: “The chicken is from within the state.”

Customer: “Is it organic?”

Me: “I know that they’re free-range.”

Customer: “Are they frozen?”

Me: “They are frozen on their journey to our stores, yes.”

The customer considers this for a moment and then goes back to umming and ahhing over the menu.

Me: “Our classic burgers are also always a good choice.”

Customer: “Is it locally sourced beef?”

Me: *Shoulders sagging* “The beef comes from Texas.”

Customer: “Is it organic?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir.”

Customer: “And—”

Me: “Yes, they’re frozen, sir.”

Customer: “Hmm…”

He goes back to just staring at the menu. The customers behind him are getting visibly annoyed.

Me: “We also have a fish burger, sir.”

Customer: “Is it—”

Me: “It’s not locally sourced, not organic, and yes, it is frozen.”

Customer: “Hmm…”

Me: “Sir, would you let me serve the next customer while you decide?”

Customer: *Ignoring me* “So… I am a vegetarian. What would you recommend?”

Next Customer: “Are you f****** serious?!” *Joins another line*

He Doesn’t See The Problem Because His Eyes Have Already Melted

, , , , , , , | Working | February 1, 2023

Fifty years ago, I worked a summer job in a factory in New Jersey. We didn’t actually manufacture anything. The widgets were made in the UK and shipped to us so they could be labeled, “Packaged in the USA.” We sat on an assembly line and boxed blister packs of the widgets.

One day, the machine that formed the plastic started acting up and oozing out gases. We called over one of the managers who were known as engineers — although I tend to doubt they had degrees.

Coworker #1: “Something’s wrong. The machine is spreading gases that make our eyes hurt.”

[Engineer] nodded and turned to [Coworker #2].

Engineer: “Do your eyes hurt?”

Coworker #2: “Yes.”

[Engineer] nodded again and turned to [Coworker #3].

Engineer: “Do your eyes hurt?”

Coworker #3: “Yes.”

And so on. When he reached the end of the line, he went back to [Coworker #1].

Engineer: “See? Everyone’s eyes hurt.”

And he walked off.

A Tornado Of Entitlement

, , , , , , | Right | February 1, 2023

A tornado has recently destroyed a large part of my city. When the tornado warning goes off, servers and the back-of-house staff gather up everyone. The staff goes into the walk-in coolers, and the patrons go into the bathrooms.

Chaos erupts outside, but thankfully, the building stands strong. The warning is eventually over and we all come out. An inventory of people is made: everyone is safe and accounted for. No one is hurt.

Outside, part of the parking lot is a mess. Vehicles are no longer neatly parked but have been tossed around like an upended box of Matchbox cars. Across the street… there’s destruction. The tornado plowed through the town literally across the street. We, obviously, have no power.

Then, a lady pipes up.

Customer: “So, why haven’t we gotten our food yet?”

Seriously?!

Me: “Ma’am, you were in the bathroom. The staff were in the fridge. Were you not aware that the reason for this was a tornado?”

Customer: “Well, we ordered over thirty minutes ago!”

Me: “Yes. And everyone was preparing for the storm. No one was going to continue making food and risking their lives.”

Customer: “Yes, and now it’s over. I expect my meal to be comped.”

Manager: “Well, since we have no power, you’re not going to GET your order. No one is. As of right now, we’re closed. I suggest you go see if your home is even still there.”

Customer: “You are being very rude!”

Manager: “And you’re being an idiot. Now get out of my restaurant.”

Male Voice: *From the crowd* “[Customer], let’s go see if we even have a car to take us home.”

Customer: *Storming out* “My car had better be there, or I’ll sue the s*** out of [Restaurant]!”

Male Voice: “Shut up, [Customer] just… shut the h*** up.”

The crowd slowly began to sort themselves out. I think most were in shock from seeing the mess outside, but at least everyone else had their heads screwed on straight. Even though the manager promised that meals were comped today, most people paid with cash and left impressive tips.

We got a phone call later with an angry woman’s voice screeching about how rude the staff was. The manager was the same, so she didn’t get very far.

Sometime later, higher-ups got in contact with us, not to hand down punishments, but to basically point and laugh at a series of complaints. There were several complaints about the restaurant not answering phones DURING THE TORNADO and demanding that the staff be reprimanded for job abandonment. The highlight of the list was a complaint about the restaurant refusing to serve food after the power went out and the rudeness of the manager.

It just goes to show you: nothing will stop an entitled customer from throwing a tantrum, not even a tornado.