Customer: “I’d like to return these ice pops.”
Me: “Okay, I just need to see your receipt.”
(I take the box of ice pops.)
Me: “…this is an empty box!”
Customer: “Well, we ate them. Some of them taste good, but some of them had a weird taste, so we threw them out.”
Me: “I can’t give you money back on something you already ate.”
Customer: “Why are you so difficult?! I’m never shopping here again!”
Female Customer: *from 15 feet away* “Hey, you!”
Me: “Yes?”
(Customer comes over with her friends and a dirty soccer-ball-shaped pillow.)
Female Customer: “This is the last one and it’s dirty. I want 20% off!”
Me: “I’d like to give you a discount, but you’ll have to talk to one of my superiors. I don’t have the authority to do that.”
Female Customer: *points towards the sky* “My only superior is up there, and He’s the only one who I take orders from. ”
Me: “Let me see if I can get a manager.”
(I call for a manager, and of course, no one shows up. After 10 minutes…)
Female Customer: “Why can’t you give me a discount?”
Me: “Because I don’t have the authority.”
Female Customer: “Well, I think you can’t give me a discount because you don’t believe in Jesus!”
Me: “You can take that item to the service desk, and I’m sure they’d be able to help you out.”
Female Customer: “Yeah and we’ll stick out like a bunch of sore thumbs since we’re the only black people in the store!”
Me: “Actually, our store manager is African-American, as well as two of our assistant managers, who are both women.”
Female Customer: “Oh.” *she finally walks away*
This story is part of the Cheapskate Customers roundup!
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(A little kid comes running up to counter and points at our menu board above my head.)
Kid: “I want that one!”
Me: “The taco or the burrito, honey?”
Kid’s Mother: “Don’t point! That’s rude. You have to tell her what you want.”
Kid: “I want the taco.”
Me: *turning to the mother* “Okay. What can I get for you?”
Kid’s Mother: *points* “I want that one.”
Kid: “Mommy! Mommy! I want those shoes!”
Mom: “Why do you want those shoes?”
Kid: “Because everyone else is wearing them.”
Mom: “Wouldn’t you want to get something different and be more original?”
Kid: “No… then I wouldn’t be original like everyone else!”
Bored Teen: “Yeah. I’m looking for this book, When I Drop Dead?”
Me: “I can’t seem to find it in the system. Do you know who the author is?”
Bored Teen: “I dunno. Flooker or Flocker or something.”
(A light goes on in my head.)
Me: “Do you mean AS I LAY DYING, by WILLIAM FAULKNER?”
Bored Teen: *explosive sigh* “Yeah. Whatever. That.”