Me: “Hello, [Bakery]. [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hey, you sound tired.”

Me: “Um… yes? How may I help you?”

Customer: “Rough night last night? I heard you were busy.”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “Partying worn you out, huh? Well, hopefully, you aren’t too worn out when you come home if you know what I mean.”

Me: “Sir, this is [Bakery]. I believe you’ve dialed the wrong number.”

Customer: “Well, s***.”

Me: “…yes.”

Customer: “Do YOU want to come over later?”

Me: “No.” *click*

This story is part of the Peculiar Customers roundup!

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(Note: The cell phone provider I work for does not have call centers outside of North America. They have some in Canada, but that is irrelevant to the following transaction.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] Wireless. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want a credit to my account.”

Me: “Well, I can certainly see what I can do for you, sir. What seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “Where am I calling currently?”

Me: “Customer service, sir…?”

Customer: “Where are you located?”

Me: “Lake Mary, Florida.”

Customer: “I want a credit because the last person I spoke to from your company was in India.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have call centers in India. All our call centers are in North America.”

Customer: “Well, the person I just spoke with had a very heavy Middle Eastern accent and told me his name was Sam. Now, I know he was lying to me, so I want a credit applied to my bill!”

Me: “Sir, this is the United States of America. There are many people in this nation with varying accents. I cannot credit you for speaking to an American with an accent.”

Customer: “I want to talk to your supervisor!”

Me: “Sir, I would be more than happy to allow you to speak with my supervisor. His name is Muhammed… we call him ‘Moe’ for short. ”

Customer: *click*

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $2.00.”

Customer: *shocked* “What? The sign said $1.85! How can it be $2.00?”

Me: “Yeah, $1.85 plus 15 cents for tax.”

Customer: *sighs loudly and opens up her Chanel bag to take two dollars out of her Gucci wallet*

(I overhear a fellow salesperson’s sale. He is with a customer but another customer interrupts.)

Customer: “I want to make you an offer on this laptop. I give you $650.”

Coworker: “Sorry, sir, the price is $749.”

Customer: *looks at his wife and nods* “I give you $650 plus three chickens!”

Coworker: *fighting back a smile* “Sorry, the price is $749.”

Coworker: “Tech support, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need LSD for my son. You have that, right?”

Coworker: “Uh?”

Customer: “You know, that high-speed Internet thing…”

Coworker: *trying not to laugh* “You mean DSL?”

This story is part of our dangerous parents roundup!

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