Customer: “I want to buy these pans that I saw on sale online.”

Me: “Alright, ma’am, what brand are they?”

Customer: “I don’t know that!”

Me: “Okay… how much are they?”

Customer: “I don’t know that either!”

Me: “Do you perhaps have a photo of the pans?”

Customer: “I didn’t have time to do that!”

Me: “Alright, ma’am, sometimes things sold online are not sold in store.”

Customer: “All I know is that they were at this store and they were different colors.”

Me: “What colors were the pans?”

Customer: “I don’t remember!”

(I show her every pot and pan set that was a different color from the norm. E.g., orange, green, and blue. Of course, that wasn’t what she wanted. She picks out an item that wasn’t even close to like she wanted in the first place. She goes to put the item in her cart, but she had lots of stuff in her cart and it doesn’t fit.)

Customer: “What am I supposed to do, it doesn’t fit in my cart!”

(She acted like it was my fault the stuff didn’t fit. I guess I was supposed to shrink the box for her.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, why don’t you take some stuff out. Put the big stuff on the bottom and the small stuff on the top.”

Customer: *looks at me like a deer in the headlights*

(I was paged to another area of the store and walked away from her. I’m sure I would have punched her otherwise.)

Man on phone: “Hi, I don’t think this DVD is working properly.”

Me: “What happened, exactly?”

Man on phone: “We put it in and it plays, but the movie is only a couple minutes long and then it starts over again.”

Me: “Are there any words on the screen?”

Man on phone: “Yes. The title of the movie and some other things.”

Me: “Is there a word that says Play or Play Movie?”

Man on phone: “Yes.”

Me: “Just hit the play button on your remote control or DVD player.”

Man on phone: “Wow! Thanks! It’s doing something else now. I just thought it was a short movie.”

(This customer called in to reactivate her account. She didn’t remember the original password so I reset it for her)

Me: “All right, your password must be at least six characters in length, contain letters and numbers, and cannot be a common dictionary word. What would you like it to be?”

Customer: “Eat sh*t.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “The password–eatsh*t.”

Me: “Alright… but it requires a number.”

Customer: “Oh….”

Me: “How about 1eatsh*t1?”

Customer: “Great!”

This story is part of our Swearing Customers roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Funny Stories About Bookstore Employees And Their Terrible Customers

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Read the Swearing Customers roundup!

(It’s my job to exchange prizes for tickets. A customer comes up to me and I count their tickets.)

Me: “You have 24 tickets.”

([Customer #1] looks around at prizes.)

Customer #1: “How much is that remote control car?”

Me: “That’s 600 tickets. You should probably look at the smaller prizes you can afford, like the rings and rubber snakes. They are only two tickets each.”

Customer #1: “Okay, I’ll take that lava lamp.”

Me: “I’m sorry, the lava lamp is 14,000 tickets and you have 24, so I highly suggest looking at cheaper prizes like these rubber snakes.”

([Customer #1] finally decides he needs to go get more tickets and returns to playing games. Another customer approaches and I count their tickets.)

Me: “You have 650 tickets.”

Customer #2: “Okay, I’d like eighty of the snakes but only red and green ones.”

Me: “Wouldn’t you prefer a remote control car or this water gun?”

Customer #2: “No, I want snakes!”

This story is part of our Snakes roundup!

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(At the store where I used to work, most of our bags didn’t have handles. Only the largest size did. A woman was buying a greeting card, which, after scanning, I gave to her in a small paper bag.)

Woman: “Don’t you have any bags with handles?”

Me: “I’m sorry. The only bags we have with handles are these big ones.”

(I show her the large bag with handles.)

Woman: “Well THAT’S stupid!”

(She then proceeded to call a few other things stupid.)

Woman: “Fine, just give me the bag without handles.”

Me: “Do you want your receipt?”

Woman: *looking at me as in disbelief* “NO, I don’t want a RECEIPT!”

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Woman: “Well… you… DON’T have a nice day!”

This story is part of our Crazy Checkout Encounters roundup!

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