(I get a lot of funny calls, and most of the time, I can stay calm and professional through the call. This is the only one I’ve had where I needed to hit the ‘mute’ button. Thankfully, he was talking about the website–I eventually needed to dispatch a tech.)
Me: “Thanks for calling Internet Tech Support, Emily speaking.”
Customer: “Yeah, I was looking at this p*rn site, and now I can’t get it up anymore.”
Me: “…”
Me: “Hello, [Fencing Club].”
Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for some galvanized pipe.”
Me: “I’m sorry, I think you may be confused. This is a fencing club… You know, the sport. We don’t actually make fences.”
Customer: “Oh… You see, I’m making a cage for a parrot. Do you have any galvanized pipe?”
Me: “No, I don’t think you understand. We don’t have material for building fences; we do sword fighting here. It’s a sport. Foils, epees, sabres.”
Customer: “Oh, okay… It needs to be galvanized so that it won’t chip if the parrot bites it.”
Me: “I don’t think you’re following me. We don’t build fences here, and we don’t have pipe.”
Customer: “Oh, I see… You see, I need to make the cage for a movie set, and it needs to be galvanized so that it doesn’t chip if the parrot bites it.”
Me: *giving up* “Galvanized pipe, you say?”
Customer: “Yeah.”
Me: “Try the Soccer Centre.”
Customer: “The Soccer Centre?”
Me: “Yeah, the Soccer Centre.”
Customer: “Thank you!”
(Preface: One of our business’ locations lost power. I first spent an hour on the phone…)
Me: “Your power went out? Did you shut down the computers or did they shut down on their own?”
Them: “They just shut down, and now they won’t come up!”
Me: “So you have power now? Are your TVs and radios playing?”
Them: “Yes!”
Me: “What I want you to do is go to the computer and find the power cord.”
Them: “Okay, got it.”
Me: “Trace it to the battery backup. You will find it plugged into the back of it.”
Them: “Okay, found it.”
Me: “Plug it into a receptacle other than the battery backup. Plug it into the wall receptacle.”
Them: “Okay, done.”
Me: “Now try to power the computer up.”
Them: “Nothing.”
Me: “There may have been a breaker that tripped. Do you know your way around your fusebox?”
Them: “Yes.”
Me: “Go look at it and see if anything is tripped. If so, reset it, okay?”
Them: “Okay, hold on…”
(After a few moments…)
Them: “Nothing’s tripped and I have customers needing to make payments!”
Me: “Okay, I will be there in a couple of hours.”
(After a two-hour trip, I arrived with a new computer in my backseat. The first thing I looked at is the backup power supply. The problem? The computer was still plugged into the backup, but even better: they plugged the backup power supply into itself. Two-hour trip, one-minute solution.)
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(A woman in her forties walks in…)
Customer: “I’d like $5 worth of games for a Nintendo DS and the system itself. This should cover it all.”
(The customer puts $20 on the counter.)
Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any DS games for five bucks, and if you want a DS, you’re about sixty-five dollars short… $115 if you want a new one.”
Customer: “…”
Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”
Customer: “[Toy Store Chain] has them for $15. You should price match.”
Me: “Ma’am, we do not price match here, and even if we did, I’m only a seasonal employee and wouldn’t likely be allowed to.”
Customer: *screaming* “Let me speak to your manager!”
Me: “All right…”
(I go to get manager from the back room. She explains the situation. BTW, I’m a woman myself.)
Customer: “THIS IS DISCRIMINATION! YOU AREN’T GIVING ME FAIR TREATMENT BECAUSE I’M NOT A FAT, PASTY NERD THAT KNOWS THINGS LIKE YOU TWO! AND BECAUSE I’M A WOMAN!”
Manager: “I’d like you to leave the store, please.”
Customer: “FINE! NERDS!”
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Deli Customer: “I’d like the Italian, please.”
Me: “Would you like any condiments on that? Spicy relish, oil?”
Customer: “Yes, I’d like both, please.”
(I finish making the hoagie and ring up the price which is now $3.20 with the extra condiments.)
Customer: “Last time I was here, my hoagie was $2.75.”
Me: “Actually, that’s the price of the regular Italian hoagie. Is that what you wanted instead of the Super Italian?”
Customer: “No, I wanted the Super.”
Me: “Well, the Super is $3.00, and with the spicy relish and oil your total comes to $3.20.”
Customer: *angrily* “Last time it was $2.75!”
(She walks off to the counter to pay, and complains to the assistant manager.)
Assistant Manager: “She says she’s coming in tomorrow to complain about you to [Owner].”
Me: “Oh, great…”
(The next day…)
Owner: “You made sure she wanted the Super Italian?”
Me: “Yes.”
Owner: “And you made sure you checked that you added up the price right?”
Me: “Yes… so what do you think?”
Owner: “Psht, f*** her!”
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