(A guy comes into our store and slaps a modem down on the counter.)

Guy: “I want to return this. I bought it a year ago and it’s broken.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you don’t have the box, the power supply, the driver CD or the receipt. I can’t let you return it.”

Guy: “You will give me my money back, right now!”

Me: “No, I can’t do that. You need to keep the receipt for warranty claims. I have no proof you even bought that from us.”

(The conversation escalates and gets more and more heated until finally…)

Guy: “If you don’t give me back my money, I’ll be waiting for you in the car park after work and I’ll f*** you up, you hear me?! I’LL BREAK YOUR F***ING FACE YOU LITTLE S***!”

Me: “Are you threatening me?”

Guy: “No!”

This story is part of the Customers-Overreacting roundup!

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(I’m delivering some pizzas and “quepapas.” They come with ranch dressing for dipping but my co-worker forgot to put the ranch in the box.)

Customer: “If you don’t mind, I’m gonna have a look at the quepapas, because last time I got them they were cold.”

Me: “Sure thing, not a problem.”

Customer: *opens box* “Where the heck is the ranch dressing?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I guess we forgot to put it in the box. I could go back and get it for you if you would like.”

Customer: “Well yeah! How am I supposed to eat them without ranch dressing?!”

Me: “I would try sticking it in your mouth, followed by chewing and then swallowing…”

Customer: “Good one, jacka**!” *slams door*

Related:
Ask A Stupid Question…, Part 2
Ask A Stupid Question…

(I used to work at a sporting goods store. One day a young guy of about 12-14 years of age comes in.)

Customer: “Hi, can you tell me where I can find a jock, like, for playing baseball?”

Me: “Oh, you mean a protective cup? Sure, they’re right over here.”

Customer: “Thanks. Oh, are there sizes?”

Me: “Yeah, they’re–”

Customer: *whispers* “I think I’m a small.”

Me: “They’re according to waistband.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Me: “I’ll be over there if you need anything else.”

This story is part of the Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup!

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Me: “Thank you for holding. I hear you need some help getting your car opened?”

Caller: “Yeah, my battery went dead and so I can’t get my doors open!”

Me: “Did you lock your keys in your car?”

Caller: “No, it’s just that I have electronic locks, and the battery is dead so I can’t get the doors open!”

Me: “Um, did you try to open the door manually?”

Caller: “How do I do that? ”

Me: “You stick your key into the door lock on the outside of the door. Turn it and it should unlock.”

Caller: “OH! YOU CAN DO THAT?!”

This story is part of our Even-More-Bad-Drivers roundup!

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(Our store is in a mall, but instead of having the gates like most stores, we have big glass doors.  The mall closes at 9 pm; at 9:30 pm, a customer comes up to the door.)

Customer: *pulls at the door, then knocks*

Employee: *goes over to the door and unlocks it*

Customer: “Are ya’ll closed?”

Employee: “Yes, and so is every other store in this mall.”

Customer: “Why? Ya’ll should stay open at night. Ain’t that when your customers come out?”

This story is part of the Closing Time roundup!

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