(This customer shows up at the store to pick up two rugs she had supposedly ordered, but I am unable to find them.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I am having some trouble finding your rugs in the store. Did somebody give you a claim check or receipt when you bought the rugs?”

Customer: “No I ordered them over the phone.”

Manager: “Okay, ma’am, we are going to need some proof of your purchase because we can’t find the rugs you ordered.”

Customer: “WHAT? I don’t have time for this!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, do you remember what day you ordered the rugs or who you spoke to?”

Customer: “Oh, it was sometime last week. I don’t remember who I spoke to. Can’t you just get my rugs for me?”

Manager: I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t have any records of you ever ordering rugs from us. If you could wait just a moment I could check the system again and see if anything comes up.”

Customer: “I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!”

Manager: “Okay, we’re going to go upstairs and check our records a final time.”

Customer: *keeps yelling as we walk away*

(As we search for her rugs, she leaves the store. A little while later, she calls the store.)

Customer: “Hi! I was there earlier about some rugs I ordered. I actually ordered them from another store. I’m surprised that you didn’t know that!”

Me: “Animal hospital. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, you got any prostitute dogs?”

Me: “…what, sir?”

Caller: “Prostitute dogs. Do you have them there?”

Me: “I am not quite sure I understand what you are asking me.”

Caller: “My dog won’t stop humping my leg. Do you have any dogs that are prostitutes that he could hump?”

Me: “Sir, those don’t exist.”

Caller: “How do I get him to stop humping me, then?”

Me: “You could get him neutered. That sometimes helps.”

Caller: “F*** NO! I ain’t choppin’ his balls off!”

Me: “I am sorry, I can’t help you.”

Caller: “That’s bulls***. I am going to find me a prostitute dog somewhere else!” *click*

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Customer: “Hi, I’d like to book in for my photo session.”

Me: “Great, what kind of date were you looking for?”

Customer: “June.”

Me: “Okay, we only book up to two weeks in advance but I can put something on hold for you. What kind of day and time were you looking for?”

Customer: “June, maybe a weekend.”

Me: “Okay, just pick a time and date and I can get that sorted for you.”

Customer: “I find this very unprofessional!”

Me: “…why?”

Customer: “You should show me what dates you have free!”

Me: “Every date and time in June; no one else is booked in yet.”

Customer: *glares at me*

Me: “Do you want to have a look at the diary?”

Customer: “Yes, I think I’d better.”

(I bring her into the office and show her the screen with our June diary on. It is COMPLETELY blank.)

Customer: “So what date can I have?”

Me: “What date do you want?”

(This goes on and on until I finally give her a random date and time.)

Customer: “Hi, do you work here?”

Me: “Yeah, can I help you?”

Customer: “My son is in the hospital because of a car accident, and I want to get him a sympathy card.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that; the sympathy cards are right over here.”

(The customer goes through the cards for a few minutes, and then comes back to find me at the counter.)

Customer: “I found a card for him from me, but I also need one from his dog.”

Me: “His… dog?”

Customer: “Yes, I want to send him a card from his dog to show him that he cares.”

Me: “I don’t think we carry sympathy cards from pets. But, we do have blank cards with pictures of dogs on them that you can use.”

Customer: “No! It has to be a SYMPATHY CARD!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we just don’t sell that card.”

Customer: “Yes, you do! I saw one like it just a few weeks ago! I want to see your manager!”

Manager: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “YES! I need a sympathy card for my son from his dog!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t carry that type of card.”

Customer: “Yes, you do! I saw it here a few weeks ago!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, but we’ve never sold that type of card here before. You could fill out a blank card if you like? They’re pretty cheap, and some have pictures of dogs on them.”

Customer: “Uggghhh!” *throws hands up in the air*

(A guy walks up to the register carrying his two or three-year-old son and places him on the counter.)

Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us?”

Guy: “No, and I don’t want one either. No!”

(The little boy grabs the stylus from the PIN pad and starts trying to draw.)

Little Boy: “No! No! No! No!”

Me: *jokingly* “See, look what you taught him.”

(The guy tries to take the stylus from his son.)

Guy: “Give me the d*** pen!”

Little Boy: “Give me the d*** pen! Give me the d*** pen!”