Customer: “Hey, what’s the deal with this cherry slushie?”

Me: “Sorry, sir?”

Customer: “It’s WHITE!”

Me: “Yes, sir…”

Customer: “Why isn’t it RED?!”

Me: “Sir, the watermelon flavor is red.”

Customer: “That’s sacrilegious!”

Me: “Sir, the color does not make a difference in the flavor.”

Customer: “You should be ashamed!”

Customer’s Wife: “Okay, let’s just let the man do his job, it’s not his fault for the color of the slushies.”

Customer: “It’s embarrassing!”

Customer’s Wife: *to me* “I’m sorry…”

Me: “Have a nice day.”

Customer: “YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!”

(A customer places a two-liter bottle of soda down at the end of the conveyor belt. When the conveyor belt, moves the bottle falls over and the cap shatters; the soda leaks all over my pants.)

Me: “Sir, you’re going to have to get another bottle if you still want to buy the soda.”

Customer: “But I wanted that bottle!”

Me: “Well, then… I’ll just squeeze the soda from my pants back into the bottle for you.”

(A mother and her teenage son come through my line…)

Me: “Hello, did you find everything you need?”

Mother: “Yes, we did.”

(I notice she is buying party items, including cups, soda, pizzas, napkins… and condoms.)

Me: “Oh, are you having a party soon?”

Mother: *nods* “My little [Son] is growing up. He’s going to have an orgy with all his little friends, aren’t you Captain Muffinpants?”

Me: *suppresses laughter* “Will that be all?”

Son: “YES! YES, THAT WILL BE ALL!” *runs to car*

Me: “Hello, sir. What can I get you?”

Customer: “Um… can I please have a mocha latte?”

Me: “Sure. That would be $3.50, please.”

(Five minutes later…)

Me: “Here you go, sir.”

Customer: “What is this? Why isn’t the cup red?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “The cup. It’s usually red!”

Me: “I’m sorry, that is only around Christmas time.”

Customer: “What?! THEN MAKE IT CHRISTMAS TIME!”

This story is part of the Christmas Day roundup!

Read the next Christmas Day roundup story!

Read the Christmas Day roundup!

Customer: “Can you help me find the uh… uh…” *trails off*

Me: “The…”

Customer: “You know, the refrigerator stuff.”

Me: “Our refrigerators are–”

Customer: “No! The stuff that uh, you know, is…” *trails off again*

Me: “Ice cube trays? Mini fridges?”

Customer: “No, no. You know, like the stuff in the refrigerator… the stuff… like tea!”

Me: “You mean the food?”

Customer: “Yeah, the refrigerator stuff. The teas.”

Me: “Food is under the sign marked food, over on the other side of the store.”

Customer: “How do you know if food is in the refrigerator?”

Me: *gives up* “I have no idea.”