(Customer runs in frantically.)
Customer: “How much is y’all’s gas?”
Me: “It’s posted outside, $2.78 a gallon.”
Customer: “D*** SAND NI**ERS ALWAYS HIKING UP GAS! I’M GOING DOWN THE STREET!”
(Returns ten minutes later.)
Customer: “Let me get ten on pump three.”
(The following quotes are from various phone calls made to a West Virginia 911 line.)
1. “What are the Daily Pick Four lottery numbers?”
2. “My TV is out.”
3. “How much snow/rain are we supposed to get?”
4. “Is it illegal to tape a cat to a bottle rocket?”
5. “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”
6. “How high are gas prices going to get?”
7. “Why am I getting Error Message #781 on my computer screen?”
8. “I have never roasted a turkey before and my in-laws will be here in an hour.”
9. “I am reading this recipe. What is fennel?”
10. “I am doing my homework. What is the square root of 435?”
11. “Are crabs in season?”
12. “I wanna talk to a cop about my child support, if you can drag one away from the donut shop.”
13. “I just wanted to make sure you were all awake.”
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(A coworker is bagging groceries as I ring them up)
Customer: *to my coworker* “Wait! Don’t pack them like that! Honestly, it’s as if no one understands how to pack bags anymore!”
Coworker: *looking down at a loaf of bread on top of some grapefruits in a paper bag* “How do you want them packed?”
Customer: “Clearly the bread needs to go on the bottom! I don’t want the grapefruits to get damaged; they’re fragile!”
This story is part of our Crazy Checkout Encounters roundup!
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Customer: “I want a computer where I can type in Russian and it will print in English.”
Me: “Sir, I’m afraid we don’t have Russian keyboards.”
Customer: “No, that’s fine. I’ll just tape Russian letters on.”
Me: “Sir, it will still be an English keyboard.”
Customer: “Okay, so what if I glue the letters on?”
Me: *thunk thunk thunk* “Still English.”
Little Boy: “What are those?”
Zookeeper: “That’s a Cavy.”
(Cavies are another name for guinea pigs.)
Little Boy’s Father: “No, they’re not. They’re Jack-a-lopes. But I don’t see any antlers, so they must all be does.”
This story is part of the Children-Behaving-Better-Than-Their-Parents roundup!
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