Library Patron: “I’ve donated a lot of books over the years. So, from now on I’d like all my requests for free, please.”

(Requests to transfer books from one library branch to another cost $1 per time.)

Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any policy to do that.”

Library Patron: “I’ve donated so many books over the years I think this is a special case! I should be given free requests and fines.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not something you’ll be able to do. A lot of people donate books and we don’t give them free requests and fines.”

Library Patron: “But I’ve been supporting the library with all these donations I’ve been giving. I deserve something in return!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the word donation implies you expect nothing in return… Otherwise, it’s not a donation.”

Library Patron: *lightbulb goes on* “Oh…”

This story is part of our Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup!

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(I work at a popular fast food restaurant. Drive-through customers should be aware that we can hear every word they say.)

Coworker: “Hi, welcome to [fast food place]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I just need a minute to decide.”

Coworker: “No problem, just let me know when you are ready.”

(The customer talks to his passengers, while we listen…)

Customer: *to his passengers* “I should ask for something dumb on my ice cream, just to see what they say. How about pickles? They would probably just ignore me. Oh, I know… tomatoes!”

Customer: *to my coworker* “Okay, I’m ready.”

Coworker: “Alright, go ahead…”

Customer: “I’d like an ice cream sundae with tomatoes on it, please.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, due to the recent recall in the States, we aren’t serving tomatoes right now. Can I offer you a sundae with pickles instead?”

Customer: *drives off without ordering anything*

(We have a lot of patriotic displays up in the store windows for the 4th of July: flags, red white and blue balloons, Uncle Sam hats, etc.)

Old Lady #1: “Wow, look at all of these! It’s Christmas in July.”

Old Lady #2: “I love it when they do this. I love crazy things like Christmas in July!”

This story is part of our July 4th roundup!

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Me: “Ma’am, you’re not allowed to have non-service dogs in the store unless you’re holding them.”

Woman: “Oh, I know.”

Me: “Well… I am going to have to ask you to keep the dog in your arms while you’re shopping.”

Woman: “That’s fine. I just had to readjust my thong.”

Woman’s Young Daughter: “MOM!”

Woman: “What? I wanted him to know.”

This story is part of the Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup!

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(Having moved, I got a new phone number which previously belonged to a retail store in Clermont-Ferrand. I had already had a few calls for that store, so I knew the drill.)

Woman: “Hello, is this [Store]? I would like to know until when you are open.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you dialed a wrong number. [Store] doesn’t have this number anymore. I’m pretty sure they closed.”

Woman: “That’s not my problem! You didn’t answer my question. When do they close?”

Me: “No, seriously, you’re calling me at home here. I’m sure that if you look in the yellow pa–”

Woman: “Now look here, young man! I don’t have all day. Do you live in Clermont-Ferrand?”

Me: “Well, actually I do, but–”

Woman: “THEN TELL ME WHEN [STORE] CLOSES! GO LOOK IT UP OR SOMETHING!”

Me: “Seriously?”

Woman: *calmly* “Yes.”

Me: “I’m hanging up now.”

Woman: “WHAT? DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO–”

Me: *click*