(I was in line at a Texas-style BBQ restaurant that serves you counter-style. A Wall Street-type dressed in a very expensive designer business suit is two people ahead of me.)

Counter Guy: “What can I get you?”

Customer: “I need two pounds of moist brisket, wrapped up to go.”

Counter Guy: “Sorry, we just ran out.”

Customer: *slams fist on counter* “AAGGHH, F***! What the f***?!”

Counter Guy: “Um… I’m sorry sir. We still have plenty of the lean brisket.”

Customer: “I don’t want the f***ing lean brisket. I came all the way here for the moist. I can’t f***ing believe this s***! What the f***?”

Counter Guy: “Sir…”

Customer: “Ahh, s***! I can’t believe I came all the way the f*** up here for this s***. Of course you’re out! Why wouldn’t you f***ing have the moist? Ahh!”

Counter Guy: “Sir, really, we have the lean and it’s still very good.”

Customer: “But I don’t want the lean. I came for the moist. S***! This f***ing sucks!”

Counter Guy: “C’mon, sir, just try the lean. I’m sure you’ll like it.”

Customer: “No, I won’t! I want the moist. How the f*** can you be out? F***!”

Counter Guy: *offers a free sample of lean brisket* “I’ll give you some to try. Please, sir, just try it.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll try the d*** lean!”

(He takes a bite.)

Customer: *completely calm* “Yeah. Yeah, that’s not bad at all. I’ll take two pounds to go, please.”

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Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Young Customer: “My wireless connection isn’t working. Can you take a look at it?”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(I get his laptop set-up and test the wireless. It picks up the store wireless with no problem.)

Me: “Well, pal, it looks like your laptop is working just fine. It’s possible that it could be your router that’s the problem.”

Young Customer: “I don’t have a router. I was just using a neighbor’s. They left and all the other signals are weak or locked.”

Me: “Then there is not a lot I can do for you, pal.”

Young Customer: “Can’t you sell me a new wireless card so I can get a better signal?”

Me: “Yeah, sure, but that’s illegal. It’s considered theft of services to use someone’s connection without their permission.”

Young Customer: “No, it’s not. If they didn’t want people using it, they would lock it.”

Me: “Yes. Yes, it is illegal. If I was to steal your car because you left it unlocked and got caught, I would still go to jail.”

Young Customer: “That’s different.”

Me: *sigh* “Sure it is. You have a nice day.”

Young Customer: *storms off*

Me: “Reference Desk, how may I help you?”

Caller: “I have been waiting for a book for months, and it’s overdue.”

Me: “Okay, I can put it on hold for you and that will trigger our system to call the person who has it out.”

Caller: “I can’t believe that you let people do this. It’s so rude! Don’t people understand that maybe someone else might be waiting to read that book?”

Me: “Ma’am, I understand. Could you please tell me your name and the title of the book?”

Caller: *tells me her name and the book title*

(I type in her name, click “Place Hold” and enter the title. An error message pops up: “Cannot place hold. This title is already checked out to this patron.”)

Me: “Ma’am… there seems to be a problem. I can’t place the book on hold for you because you are the one who has it checked out.”

Caller: “What? WHAT?! That is impossible! How could that be? I never checked that book out!”

Me: “Well, it’s out on your card, and it’s quite overdue. I’m going to have to ask you to return it because there are people waiting to read it.”

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(A customer pulls up to the drive-thru and the headpiece beeps in my ear to alert me.)

Me: “Welcome to [Coffee Place]. What can I get for you?”

Customer: *no response*

Me: “Hello? What can I get for you?”

Customer: *no response*

(The customer drives up to the drive-thru window.)

Customer: “There must be something wrong with your drive-thru. I kept talking but you didn’t hear me.”

Me: “I was trying to talk to you. I know it works because I have been using it all day.”

Customer: “Well, it’s broken now.”

Me: “Did you roll down your window?”

Customer: “Oh, I have to do that?”

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Customer: “Hi, you know your stock pretty well, right?”

Me: “Yup.”

Customer: “My wife is divorcing me, but her birthday is next week. I need a card for that.”

Me: “…I don’t think they really make a card for that occasion.”