(Working in a popular electronics store set in between an extremely rural area and a sprawling urban landscape, we get all types…)

Customer: “Y’all got dem thirty-two jiggabit touchee pods?”

Me: “Thanks for calling Credit Card Services, how may I help you today?”

Cardmember: “Yeah, I was just looking over my statement and see I was charged a late fee. Why?”

Me: “Well, when we receive a payment past the due date, a late fee is normally assessed to the account. Do you have any idea why we received the payment late?”

Cardmember: “I was on vacation and didn’t send it in until the 12th.”

Me: “Well, the payment was due on the 8th and there is usually at least seven days between customers sending in their payment until we can receive and process them.”

Cardmember: “Well, can you waive that fee for me?”

Me: “Unfortunately, since the fee was billed appropriately, there isn’t any way that it can be removed.”

Cardmember: “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?”

Me: “How is that in any way relevant to this conversation?”

Cardmember: “Jesus would waive my fee!”

Me: “Jesus wouldn’t own a bank.”

(I work in an electrical department. At this time, a woman is looking at a light display.)

Me: “Are you finding everything alright?”

Customer: “Yes. Where is this?”

(I lead her to the box, on an end cap. It’s a two-fixtures-for-the-price-of-one thing.)

Customer: “Oh, there’s two in there…”

Me: “Yes. But the price is the same as on the display, so you get an extra for spare parts or whatever.”

Customer: “Well, I only want one!”

Me: “You can always just sell the spare on a garage sale or something. Or if you’re like me, you might break the glass someday and so you’ll have a spare.”

Customer: “I only want one!”

Me: “…”

(The customer proceeded to pick out a nearly-identical looking fixture that was about three times the price–all because she only wanted one.)

Customer: “What time is tax assistance here?”

Me: “They are here on Tuesdays and Thursdays, from 12 to 2 o’clock.”

Customer: “Okay, so they’re here Tuesday through Thursday, from 12 to 2 o’clock?”

Me: “No, sir, only on Tuesday and Thursday.”

Customer: “Okay, Tuesday and Thursday, all day long?”

Me: “No, sir, only from noon until 2.”

Customer: “So, you’re telling me that they are here from noon to 2?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And that’s on Mondays and Tuesdays?”

Me: “No, sir… ”

(Before I can say anything further, the person behind him explodes…)

Another Customer: “It’s here on Tuesday and Thursday from 12 to 2! I don’t even know what the @#$% you are asking about, but I’ve figured out what time it happens! What the f*** is wrong with you?!”

Customer: *slinks away*

(The phone rings at 11 pm, although our restaurant has been closed since 10 pm.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to place an order for delivery.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we’re closed.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. Why are you answering the phone?”

Me: “I have to. Even though we’re closed, we still might get important phone calls.”

Customer: “I still don’t understand. Why are you closed?”

Me: “We have regular business hours to follow, and on weekdays we’re only open till 10 pm.”

Customer: “But I don’t understand… Why are you answering the phone if you’re closed, then?”

Me: *face desk*

(It went in circles like that for about ten minutes. I finally got tired of her ‘why’ questions and it had really had been a horrible night… so, I hung up the phone.)

Me: *to other employees* “You wouldn’t believe this lady…”

*phone rings*

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “So, why are you still answering the phone if you’re closed?”

Me: *multiple face desks*

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