(Late night in a very crowded restaurant, a lady cuts in front of me and stands in the well, blocking me from getting my drinks for my tables.)

Bartender: “Ma’am, you can’t stand there. Please move over to the side and I will help you.”

Lady: “I just want to get some food to go.”

Bartender: “Ma’am, please move over to the side of the bar and I can help you.”

Lady: “Can I get some food to go?”

(At this point there are three servers who are now blocked from getting their drinks from the well.)

Bartender: “Ma’am, we only do take-out orders from 5:00-6:00, or an hour before closing.”

Lady: *blank stare*

Me: “Excuse me, may I squeeze by you? I have to get my drinks for my tables.”

Lady: *turns to me* “I want to order some food to go!”

Me: “We only do food to go from 5-6. Or an hour before closing.”

Lady: “What? I need to get some food to go!”

Bartender: “Lady! You need to move out of the service well! I can’t get you any food to go right now!”

Lady: “But… but… I need to order some food…”

Me: “Right. Food to go. But we don’t do that right now.”

Lady: “Why not?”

Other Blocked Servers: “Are you f**king kidding me?”

Bartender: “Ma’am, if you will please just move to the side, I will ask if we can get you some food to go.”

Lady: “Thank you. I don’t understand what’s wrong with you people!”

Me: “Ma’am, can you please scoot over? Please?”

Lady: “I’m not going anywhere until I get my food to go!”

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Lady: “I’m trying to order food to go and your crappy staff won’t help me!”

Manager: “Well, we don’t do food to go right now.”

Lady: “This is bulls**t! I’ll have your f**king job! I want my food to go NOW!”

Manager: “Why don’t you get the h*** out of here right now before I call the police?”

(She stormed out and the entire bar started cheering and clapping.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a personal pan pizza for my son.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we’re all out of personal pans for the day. Can I get you something else?”

Customer: “No! I guess my son will just have to go ahead and STARVE!”

Me: “…”

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Customer: “Do your smoothies have egg whites in them?”

Me: “Yes, the thickening powder contains dry egg whites.”

Customer: “Can you make it without the powder then?”

Me: “Not really, because then your drink would just be orange juice and ice.”

Customer: “Oh, can I have the powder on the side, then?”

Customer: “I lost my CD key and I need a new one.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. In order for me to provide you with a replacement key, I need you to email me a picture of the CD as proof of ownership.”

Customer: “What? But I only need a CD key. I paid for it last week!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but due to piracy issues, I have to get proof that you own an original copy of the CD or anyone could call and claim they bought the game, yet have an illegal copy.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I paid forty f***ing dollars for this game and I need a CD key for it?”

Me: “I can provide you with a key if you will simply email me a picture of your CD.”

Customer: “No! This is America! If I say I paid for it, you should trust me! I’m going to report your company to the Attorney General! You ripped me off and won’t provide me with the product I paid for!”

Me: “Sir–”

Customer: “Oh, wait… the CD key is here on the plastic case.” *hangs up*

Customer: “I think it’s very rude for you to talk on your cellphone while you’re at work.”

Me: “No, ma’am, this isn’t a cellphone; it’s a headset. We use them to communicate with the other employees.”

Customer: “That’s VERY rude.”