Random Customer #1: “Why do you always have to be so self-defecating?”
Random Customer #2: “I see that you read a lot. I read a lot, too. I just finished Brave New World by Adolphus Huxley.”
Random Customer #3: “Yeah, it’s crazy, they can go to the bottom of the Marinara Trench.”
(It is a known fact that when you go into our movie theater, you cannot have extra bags or cups, because that is how the theater makes their money. You can bring empty cups with you, but we cannot provide you with them. One night, a guy is not having it.)
Me: “Nope, I’m sorry. I can’t give you an extra bag.”
Customer: “Why the h*** not?”
Me: “Because each bag is accounted for through our inventory, and if I give you one, it will be messed up.”
Customer: “Then how am I supposed to share with my son?”
Me: “Pay the 35 cents more and upgrade.”
(I finish giving him his order, and then turn around to clean up some of the mess. The customer suddenly reaches behind the counter, grabs another bag and takes off.)
Me: “Oh, h*** no!” *chases customer down with a team of gangsta ushers*
(We surround the customer, as all the ushers have their arms folded and are staring him down.)
Usher #1: “You gonna give her that bag back?”
Customer: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS!”
Usher #2: “Then don’t come here if you can’t follow our rules.”
*security guards escort him out*
Customer: “Yes, do your combo meals come with a Coke?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am, they come with fries and a drink.”
Customer: “But what if I wanted something other than Coke?”
Me: “Well, you fill your drink yourself around the corner over there, so you can get whatever you want.”
Customer: “Oh, okay.” *customer places order*
Me: *sets out tray with receipt on top*
Customer: *looks at receipt, suddenly frowns* “Hey, it says ‘Coke’ on here for a drink. I didn’t order a Coke!”
Me: “That just means you ordered a drink.”
Customer: “But I didn’t want a Coke!”
Me: “That’s fine, ma’am. You can put whatever you’d like in your drink at the drink machines back there.”
Customer: “BUT IT SAYS COKE ON THE RECEIPT!”
Me: “All of the soft drinks are the same prices. It doesn’t matter what it says on the receipt.”
Customer: “Oh…” *leaves with her cup and fills her drink*
Coworkers: *laugh for the next ten minutes*
Customer: “Hi, I’d like a Playboy for my son.”
Me: “…excuse me?”
Customer: “You know, a Playboy to play with.”
Me: *trying very hard not to laugh* “You mean a Gameboy?”
Customer: “Yeah, that!”
(The customer suddenly realizes what she said.)
Customer: “OH!”
(The customer has pulled up to the drive-thru after ordering a coffee.)
Customer: “Can you add the cream and sugar for me?”
Me: “It’s against policy to do that to prevent contamination.”
Customer: “Well, what if I had no arms?”
Me: *dumbfounded*
Customer: “If I spill the cream as I’m adding it while driving, I’m going to sue you!”
Me: “Sir, you’re in a parking lot. You can pull over.”
(The customer speeds off.)
Manager: “If he didn’t have arms, how would he be driving?!”
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