Me: “[Company], how can I help you?”
Caller: “Yea, I need you guys to work on my car’s transmission. How much?”
Me: “Ma’am, we don’t work on cars here. We print things.”
Caller: “But… but I Googled [Company] and I got you guys.”
Me: “I’m sorry, Google was wrong. I don’t know how we got on there.”
Caller: “But I Googled you! You have to do it!”
Me: “Ma’am, we have copiers here, not a garage. Try the Yellow Pages?”
Caller: *sounding very betrayed* “I can’t believe I Googled you.”
(A customer brings in his dog for a spay.)
Customer: “While she’s out, can you trim her nails? They’re getting real long.”
Me: “Of course, sir. We give all patients under anesthesia a complimentary nail trim.”
Customer: “Oh, you do? Would you give me a free pedicure, too?”
Me: “Uhm…”
Customer: “How about a massage?”
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Me: “Good afternoon, [Bookstore]!”
Caller: “Hi, I have to do a project where I read to kids and they respond. Do you have that?”
Me: “You need a book to read to them? Sure! We have plenty of children’s books.”
Caller: “No, I need to read to kids and have them respond.”
Me: “Right, we have plenty of books you could chose from to read to them.”
Caller: “No, I need to read to kids and have them respond.”
Me: “So, what exactly is it that you need from us?”
Caller: “Can I do that there?”
Me: “Well, we don’t provide the children.”
Caller: *disappointed* “Oh, okay. Bye.”
This story is part of our Children Reading roundup!
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(I am on the beginner chairlift with two of my adult students.)
Customer: “So, when does the mountain close?”
Me: “We stay open until there is no snow left. This year, the guess is late April.”
Customer: “So, it’s open past daylight-savings time?”
Me: “Yes, it is. How is daylight-savings time related to the mountain being open?”
Customer: “Well, with that extra hour of sunlight, the snow must melt extra fast!”
This story is part of our Customers Versus Mother Nature roundup!
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Customer: “Hey, can you help me find this book?”
Me: “Sure.”
(He holds up a piece of paper with the title and author of a book on it. I find it on the shelves and hand it to him.)
Customer: “Thanks! How’d you do that so fast?”
Me: “Well, I’ve worked here awhile, and the books are all in alphabetical order by author’s name.”
Customer: “What do you mean?”
Me: “Alphabetical order. Like the alphabet song? You know, A’s before B’s?”
(He looks confused, but then widens his eyes.)
Customer: “The letters actually go in that order? I thought that song was just to remember them all!”
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