(I’m a white male working as a lifeguard at a small neighborhood pool. This pool is for members only with a strict pool pass policy. If they don’t have a pass, they can’t enter. A woman walks into the pool area and walks right past the lifeguard table. As she walks away, I stop her.)

Me: “Um, ma’am? Yes, hi. Do you have your pool pass?”

Woman: “No. They were never issued to me.”

Me: “Oh, well, I’m sorry, but I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

Woman: “Is it because I used to be a dude?”

Me: “No, ma’am, of course not. You see, we have a very strict ‘No Pass, No Entry’ policy.”

Woman: “Do you know how racist you sound right now?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “This is the last time I’ll be treated like this! Just you wait until I tell the KKK about this!” *storms out*

(A couple walks in, takes a look at the buffet, and then signals me over.)

Me: “What can I do for you?”

Customer: “So, we’re vegetarian. What can we eat?”

(I point out which dishes are vegetarian and explain a little bit about the food.)

Customer: “Okay, thanks, but we aren’t going to be eating any meat. Can you please take the chicken dishes away? We don’t want them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a buffet open to everyone. Other customers will eat the chicken dishes.”

Customer: “Well, can you just move them aside for me then? I don’t want to look at them. We won’t be needing them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t change the order of the buffet. If you look, you’ll notice that the chicken and vegetarian are completely separate from each other. It would be hard to get them confused.”

Customer: “Okay, fine! Also, we don’t eat that much, so you should only charge us for one buffet.”

(They both proceed to get at least five plates each. Normally I would have charged them for two people, but my workplace is pretty lenient. I don’t want to cause any more trouble, so I only charge them for one buffet when the wife comes up to pay.)

Me: “That will be $8.50, please.”

Customer: “What?! But I told you to only charge us for one buffet! We didn’t eat that much!”

Me: “We charge $7.99 per person plus tax. I only charged you for one.”

Customer: *happily* “Oh, okay!”

(She hands me 25 cents.)

Customer: “Here you go, dear! I know how you servers don’t like being tipped on a credit card! This way, you won’t get taxed! Thanks so much!”

Did you find this story using our Tipping Roundup?

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to go back to the roundup!

Me: “I’m sorry, we only have that book in paperback. Would you like me to order the hardback?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m replacing a damaged book and the school library insisted that it be hardback.”

(While I begin to collect her information, the customer starts muttering sulkily.)

Customer: “We shouldn’t have to replace it. Our dog urinated on it. The pages are a little stained, but they dried. It’s not like it smells or anything. You can still read it. Those librarians are so picky!”

(At our theater, we have a movie poster for the fourth installment of a popular children’s movie franchise in 3D. Because of this, it says that the movie will be in 4D. I overhear this exchange between two teenage customers in the lobby.)

Customer #1: “What’s the difference between 3D and 4D?”

Customer #2: “3D is when stuff pops out at you and 4D is when it gets you wet.”

This story is part of our 3D Movies roundup!

Read the next 3D Movies roundup story!

Read the 3D Movies roundup!

Me: “Would you like to put in an email address or mailing address to receive coupons?”

Customer: “Sure, I’ll give you my email address.”

Customer’s friend: “No! Don’t give her your email address. People can hack you and track you down and find you with those.”

Customer: “Oh, I guess I can’t do that then.”

Customer’s friend: “Wait, did you say email or mailing address?”

Me: “Either one.”

Customer: “Well, I can go ahead and give you my mailing address then, can’t I?”

Customer’s friend: “I don’t see why not!”