It’s Breast Not To Thigh Again

, , , , | Right | May 4, 2021

Customer: “What kind of chicken do you use for your fried chicken wings?”

Me: “I’m unsure of the brand, but I can check.”

Customer: “No, what part of the chicken is it?”

Me: “They are chicken wings.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand my question. Is it chicken thigh or chicken breast?”

Me: “It is made with chicken wings.”

Customer: “Okay, you aren’t hearing me. Chicken is sold in different parts. What part are you selling?”

Me: “Chicken wings. The dish is fried chicken wings. Are you perhaps asking if they are boneless? They aren’t. They are actual bone-in wings.”

Customer: “I’m asking what type of chicken it is. You are making this way more difficult than it has to be.”

Me: “Here, our menu has a picture of the dish. These are the chicken wings available today.”

Customer: “How can I tell what kind of chicken it is if it is covered in brown crunchies?”

Me: “Brown… crunchies? These are certainly chicken wings. You can see the bone here.”

Customer: “All I want to know is what kind of chicken you are serving.”

Me: “Fried chicken wings!”

This went on for a long time. She didn’t even order the meal.

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It’s A Very Bad Signs, Part 4

, , , , , | Right | May 4, 2021

It’s our second week open after two months of being closed. We’ve implemented new procedures such as enter-only and exit-only doors, disinfecting carts after each use, and employees wearing masks. I have just rung up [Customer #1] and begun ringing up the man who was behind her in line. She turns around as she reaches the doors.

Customer #1: “How do I get out?”

Me: “That door right there.”

Customer #2: “Go left.”

Admittedly, our signs are only standard printer paper with bold capital letters, so they’re not the most eye-catching thing, but she was standing a foot or two from the “EXIT ONLY” sign. I would have thought that, plus the furniture displayed in the lobby — not to mention other customers coming and going — would have indicated there was only one direction to go. Apparently, this customer found it confusing.

Related:
It’s A Very Bad Signs, Part 3
It’s A Very Bad Signs, Part 2
It’s A Very Bad Signs

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This Is Not A Clean Return

, , , , | Right | May 4, 2021

Customer: “I would like to return these shoes.”

After checking her receipt to make sure she’s still within the return period, I pull the shoes from the bag and begin inspecting them. The first thing I do is flip them over to check the soles, and I immediately see that the white soles are dirty.

Me: “I’m sorry, but these have been worn, so I can’t take them back.”

Customer: “But they hurt my feet.”

Me: “I understand that can be frustrating, but we can’t take them back since you wore them around.”

Cue a few rounds of the customer insisting I have to take them because they hurt her feet.

Me: “I’m sorry, but I really can’t issue you a refund for these.”

Customer: “Can I speak to a manager?”

Me: “I am a manager. To receive a return for an item, it must be in unused condition so we can resell it. These shoes are no longer new and I can’t resell them since they are obviously dirty and worn.”

Customer: *Without missing a beat and completely serious* “Then just clean them.”

Me: *Blinks a few times* “I’m… sorry. We… can’t do that. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

The customer put her shoes back in the bag and walked away. She was never angry or rude with me, but it completely baffled me that she seriously thought it was acceptable to return dirty shoes and expect us to just clean them and resell them as new.

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The Customers Don’t Want Your Two Cents

, , , , , | Right | May 4, 2021

Usually, when a customer tells me, “I have the change,” I’ll joke with them by saying, “Just don’t make me count out [number] pennies and we’re golden!” Typically, they laugh and say something along the lines of, “Oh, I would never!” or, “How terrible would it be if someone did that?!”

Me: “Your total today is going to be $11.32.”

The customer hands me a $20 bill.

Me: “Out of $20?”

Customer: “Wait, I think I have the change!”

Me: “Perfect! Just don’t make me count out thirty-two pennies and life’s good!”

Customer: “Excuse me? If I want to give you thirty-two pennies, I will, and rightfully so! It’s legal tender!”

Me: “I apologize ma’am. I didn’t mean—”

Customer: “Ask me that again and I’m giving you the entire amount in pennies! You can’t f****** tell people that they can’t pay with f****** legal tender! This is America!

Me: “Again, I apologize.”

Customer: “Give me my $20 back.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Give. Me. My. Twenty. Dollar. Bill. Back.”

I hand her back the $20.

Customer: “Since you apparently aren’t comfortable counting, I’m just going to use my card. And maybe you should use your brain, little girl.”

I finished the transaction talking to her as little as I possibly could. Thankfully, that was my only “problem customer” of the day!

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Upon Balance, That Was A Stupid Thing To Ask

, , , , | Right | May 4, 2021

We got almost a foot of snow and ice last night, but we are still open. A customer comes sliding up the walkway, nearly faceplants into a snow pile, and enters the branch.

Customer: “Whew! It’s a nasty one, isn’t it? I’m surprised you guys are open! Why are you open?”

Me: “Oh, because people still come in to do banking, even on a day like this.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous. Who would come out in all this snow just to go to the bank?”

Me: *Deadpan* “I have no idea, sir. What can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I just need my balance. That’s all.”

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