My workplace was ordering all the staff uniform hoodies since we previously only had T-shirts. I was first informed by my manager.

Manager: “The hoodies come in either black or gray. Which would you like?”

Me: “I’ll take black, please.”

A few days later, someone from a different department found me and handed me a clipboard, telling me to fill out the size and color of hoodie I would like. I again noted that I would like black.

A few days after that, I got an email from someone else saying they were about to order the hoodies but needed to know what color I preferred. Once again, I told them I would like a black hoodie.

Fortunately, that was the end of it.

A couple of weeks later, the hoodies finally arrived. Mine was gray.

I receive a phone call from an unrecognized number, but I’m in the process of searching for a new job, so I answer. I’m sitting with my family, watching television.

Scammer: “Hello, I am calling because your computer has many viruses.”

I make my voice as distraught as possible.

Me: “Oh, no! My computer is infected with viruses?!”

Scammer: “Ma’am, why are you talking in such a tone? It is very disrespectful, and I do not appreciate it. This is a very serious matter!”

I’m surprised because it’s the first time a scammer has immediately gone on the offensive instead of sticking with their script. Even more surprising, he then hangs up on me.

Me: “He hung up!”

Husband: “Can they even do that?”

Apparently so!

I work at a baby supplies store. We have one couple that is notorious for returns.

About a week after they purchase a bunch of baby formula, they return with the empty formula containers.

Customer: “I need a refund.”

Me: “We can’t offer you a refund because the containers are empty.”

Customer: “That formula was spoiled when I bought it!”

Me: “It appears the expiration date wasn’t wrong.”

Customer: “It must have been because it smelled weird!”

Me: “Then where is the formula?”

Customer: “I gave it to the baby.”

Me: “Even though it smelled weird?”

Customer: “He was hungry.”

I work as a receptionist at a vet’s office. This call I received was from the most dimwitted yet devoted vet receptionist I have ever spoken with.

Receptionist: “Hi. I’m calling about a new client coming into the area, but the previous vet they put down was just ‘[City] vet clinic’, so I’m calling all the vets in [City] to see if they have the records.”

Me: “Okay, well, you know there’s a vet clinic called ‘[City] Vet Clinic’? Would you like their number?”

Receptionist: “Yeah, they’re on my list to call, but if you don’t mind checking your records for me, that would be great!”

I face-palm, take the information, and check the records to entertain myself.

Me: “Nope, we don’t have them in our system.”

Receptionist: “Okay! Thanks!”

After the call, I looked at the caller ID, and she was calling from a vet’s office in Minnesota. We’re in Michigan. But there is a [City] in Minnesota. I did a quick Google search and, yup, there’s a [City] Vet Clinic in Minnesota. She probably wasn’t even calling the right state.

I am Hispanic and was born and raised in Texas. I am working the checkout lanes with my manager, who is also Hispanic. I am scanning a customer’s items when our super-old checkout gives me a static shock. I react quickly and shout a quick little Spanish word I learned from my grandmother that is used whenever she stubs her toe.

Almost immediately, my customer bellows at the top of his voice:

Customer: “MANAGERRRRR!”

Me: “I can call a manager for you, sir; there is no need to raise your voice.”

Customer: “MANAGERRRRR!”

My manager, who is one lane over, tries to call out over this customer’s wailing.

Manager: “Sir! I am a manager! How can I help you?!”

Customer: “You are a manager? No, no. I need a real manager! I don’t want anyone here speaking Spanish in my presence! This is America!“

My manager immediately looks at me and starts speaking to me in loud Spanish.

Me: “Oh, si! Si!”

My manager continues throwing copious amounts of Spanish at me, and I keep nodding and responding with, “Si! Si!”

Customer: “Are you trying to piss me off?!”

Manager: *Switching to English* “Well, considering you’re a racist piece of s***, I would be remiss as a human if I wasn’t trying to piss you off.”

Customer: “I’m going to report you both to the store manager!”

The customer goes over to our customer service desk to complain about us. The customer my manager was serving is smiling at both of us.

Manager’s Customer: “That was awesome!”

Manager: “You know what’s better? I can’t actually speak any Spanish.”

Manager’s Customer: “But you just spoke Spanish!”

Manager: “I was quoting my Abuela’s salsa recipe.”

Me: “And you know what’s even better? I can’t speak any Spanish either. I was just nodding and going, ‘Si, Si!'”

The manager’s customer is laughing at this point.

Manager: “But you know what’s best of all?”

Manager’s Customer: “Oh, lord, tell me!”

Manager: “That customer has gone to the customer service desk to complain to the store manager… who is Colombian.”

Related:
Totally Estúpido! Part 26
Totally Estúpido! Part 25
Totally Estúpido! Part 24
Totally Estúpido! Part 23
Totally Estúpido! Part 22

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