Me Too, Too Many Times

, , , , , , | Friendly | July 1, 2018

(I am in the library to scan some documents for evidence that I have been harassed. A man enters before me to use the copier. We exchange greetings. He then goes into a long monologue about printing information about a painting he has that is supposedly worth millions of dollars. Of course, the insurance doesn’t want to insure it for that, but they’re missing out. He then starts into some random conspiracy theory. At this point, I am using the other copier trying to ignore him and focus on my scanning. No eye contact, no grunts or uh-huhs. At this point, the only word I’ve said to him is, “hi.” He doesn’t get the hint. Eventually, I have to tell him that I just want to get my scanning done in peace. When I get home, I have this conversation with my other half, who is male.)

Me: “I swear that I must have some mark on my forehead that just attracts all the nutters. I’m in the library to get stuff for nut job one, when I’m then involved in a conversation with a second nut job.” *explains what happened*

Other Half: “He was just trying to have a conversation. This is how you make friends.”

Me: “No. As a woman, this is how you get assaulted. This is not how you make friends.”

Run Out Of Forks To Give

, , , | Right | July 1, 2018

(A customer calls after receiving a delivery, angry because he didn’t get a fork with his food. You have to ask; we don’t include this automatically.)

Me: “Okay, we will go and deliver you a fork.”

Caller: *gets all angry, screaming* “No, I don’t want a fork! I don’t have time!”

Me: “Uh, okay. Then would you like a credit to your account?”

Caller: “No, I would like a refund!”

Me: “Okay, well, it looks like you paid in cash, so the only options are to put a credit on your account, or we come back and take the food, and give you your money back.”

Caller: “I don’t have enough time left in my break to go outside and get money! I’m in a warehouse; I can’t answer my phone!”

Me: “So, what would you like us to do? You declined a refund, a credit, or the delivery of the fork.”

Caller: “I would like to talk to your manager; I don’t want to talk to the middle-man!”

(I give the phone to my manager, and he says same thing.)

Caller: “YOU HAVE LOST A CUSTOMER!”

Manager: “Good.”

(Why complain and “waste your break” if you aren’t going to accept anything we offer you?)

Let The Record Note That I Am An Idiot

, , , , | Learning | July 1, 2018

I’m the idiot here. I am in an art/music history class, and we are talking about Gregorian Chants. I knew full well that they were used long before any recording equipment was around, so I really have no excuse.

Somehow, something the professor said about, “We’re about to listen to a recording of a chant that was found very recently,” tripped up my brain. He meant, “The notes for this tune were found recently,” but I heard, “We found this recording recently.”

On my way out of class, I mentioned to the professor how interesting it was that the woman on the recording sounded like she had modern training, even back then. He gave me a very strange look, but didn’t say anything. It wasn’t until a while later that I realized what I had said.

Will Soon Eat His Words

, , , , , , | Healthy | July 1, 2018

One of our patients has a procedure in the morning for which he needs to not eat or drink anything for twelve hours prior. This isn’t uncommon before many procedures, and while it’s not pleasant, it’s doable for most people.

Not so with this patient. As soon as the twelve hours start, he rings his call light every fifteen minutes demanding we bring him something to eat. The first few times, his nurse goes in and explains to him why he can’t eat and what the dangers are, and tells him that if he really needs to eat, we can postpone or cancel the procedure — which is not an emergency, but not entirely unelective. He is adamant that he does not want to postpone or cancel, but he demands that we bring him something to eat.

Obviously, we can’t ignore call lights, and so I fall hours behind in my work going into his room every fifteen minutes to reiterate what he already knows: he can eat now and postpone the procedure, or not eat and have it in the morning. He refuses to accept this and insists we bring him something to eat and that we perform the procedure as scheduled.

Around 3:00 in the morning, the call lights finally stop, and we are all relieved, assuming that he has finally fallen asleep. However, while I am catching up on the work I am behind on, I turn the corner to find the stack of dinner trays waiting to be picked up by the cafeteria, and this patient eating off of a used dinner tray. Without saying anything to the patient, and with a certain amount of satisfaction, I call the nurse and tell her she should let the doctor know that his scheduled morning procedure will have to be cancelled.

Unfiltered Story #115378

, | Unfiltered | July 1, 2018
  1. Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [customer service and billing], how may I help you today?”

Customer: “Do you see the last phone call made to me?”

Me: “I do apologize, even though we are your phone provider, for privacy and legal reasons, we do not have records of your calling history. I can help you block the caller, however, if that’s what you wish.”

Customer: “No, no, that won’t work. They’re inside my house.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Yes, they’re listening to me now.”

Me: “I’m not sure I understand. Do you believe someone is in your house? Or have they tapped the phone line?”

Customer: *sounding highly irritated* “I don’t know how they’ve done it, but they’ve been doing it since the 60’s. I tell you, they’re watching me, in my house at night, ran over my dog. My dog! I just want it to stop.”

Me: *extremely confused and worried* “Have you contacted the local police?”

Customer: “They’re in on it, too. They won’t do anything. They just call me a fruitcake. They didn’t even do anything after they killed my husband.”

(I don’t even know what to say, I’m at a complete loss for words.)

Customer: *continuing* “Yeah, they had to have poisoned him. It was five years ago, and last spring they ran over my dog. I don’t know why they’re targeting me, but when I find them, they’ll get what’s coming. I once set up cameras in my house, but those were stolen. It’s a conspiracy, I tell you, but I do not know why. They harassed us so much that my son moved across the country!”

Me: *horrified and confused* “And, the police… won’t do anything?”

Customer: “Do you think it might be aliens?”

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