The Only Option Left Is To Complain

, , , , | Right | May 31, 2017

(I am a bank teller in 2001. It’s important to note that this is a small grocery store branch so in that setting your coworkers are literally standing right next to you most of the time. A man approaches my window.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Bank]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I lost my debit card and had to cancel it. What can I do to get a new one?”

Me: “That’s no problem. I can print out a form for us to fill out here and send it in for you. It can take up to 7-10 business days to process and it will be mailed to your address.”

Customer: “What?! That’s too long. I don’t want to do that.”

Me: “Okay. Another option is here in the branch we can make you an ‘instant’ ATM card today but unfortunately they only work at ATMs. You would not be able to use it to make purchases but you can still get one of those in the meantime while you wait for the new debit card.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to do that.”

Me: “Okay. Another option is you can cash a check here with us to get money. I can even print a counter check for you if you don’t have any checks.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to do that.”

Me: “Okay. Another option is if you have a credit card you can make your daily purchases with that and then pay the balance daily to avoid any interest.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to do that.”

Me: *dumbfounded and out of ideas; those really are all the options* “Okay… well… I’m… sorry?”

Customer: *says nothing, walks off*

(I found out later that he had come back and complained about my “attitude” to my branch manager who was not there at the time. My coworker, who was standing right next to me during the entire exchange, backed me up. She said I was nothing but polite and helpful and the man simply wasn’t interested in working with us to get his problem resolved. She saved me from possibly getting written up.)

Used To Make Sweet (And Sour) Music

, , , , | Learning | May 31, 2017

(Our band teacher periodically checks our band’s instruments to make sure everything is in shape and to make repairs if it isn’t. Sometimes, he points out a certain in instrument and either compliments or calls out people, depending on how well that person takes care of their stuff. Our tuba section can be a bit rowdy sometimes.)

Teacher: “See, trombones? Be like [My Name]. He always keeps his things in gear. Besides the really small dents, which you can’t really blame since his instrument is older than me, it’s in perfect condition.”

Me: *takes back instrument*

Teacher: “On the other hand, tubas. How the h*** did you manage to stuff sweet and sour sauce far enough inside so that every time you blow, it sounds like a really wet sponge being thrown at a wall?”

Booking Forward To The Future

, , , , , | Right | May 31, 2017

(I’m working at the customer service desk, and a customer comes to ask a question.)

Customer: “Where can I find a book? I can’t find one anywhere.”

Me: “Um, well, there are books everywhere. You see them everywhere you look.”

(The customer looks all around.)

Customer: “Those aren’t books. Books are those pads you can play games on.”

Sex With Real Bite

, , , , | Learning | May 31, 2017

Health Teacher: “What is the most important sexual organ?”

Student: “Teeth?”

Time To Ring Up Those Purchases

, , , , | Romantic | May 31, 2017

(My fiancée and I are looking at wedding rings online. He’s on his phone and I’m at the desktop.)

Fiancée: “I found one I like, but it’s pricier than the last one.”

Me: “Okay, let me see it.”

(He handed me his phone to show me that his “pricier” option was a whopping $57. The price on the one he liked before it? $9. I haven’t laughed so hard in days.)

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