Going Absolutely Peanuts For Attention

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 1, 2018

(My friend is severely allergic to peanuts.)

Waitress: “What would you like? Our specials are [list of specials].”

Friend: “I’ll have [meal], please. But does that have peanuts?”

Waitress: “Let me check.”

(She runs to the kitchen to ask someone.)

Other Customer: “Pasta doesn’t have peanuts, idiot.”

Friend: “Actually, some foods have traces of peanuts that you can’t taste. I happen to be allergic, so if I eat it, I could wind up in the ER.”

Other Customer: “That’s made-up!”

Me: “Actually, allergies are real things that really happen. And yeah, they can be life-threatening.”

Other Customer: “No, they are not! Allergies are sneezing. She’s making this up to get attention!”

Me: “Umm…”

Waitress: “No, it’s peanut-free.”

Other Customer: “I told you, you dumb b****! You want attention!”

Me: “Um, you’re the one making a spectacle.”

(The offending customer was removed and my friend got a free meal. Thanks, idiot customer, for the free pasta.)

Thirty Minutes In And The Year Is Already Ruined

, , , , , | Right | January 1, 2018

(I work at a trampoline park that gets very busy on the weekends. Often times, we sell out and turn people away. This is out of my control and tickets are sold on a first-come, first-serve basis. Sometimes, though, people decide to just buy tickets for later in the day when we’re not full. Today, we are especially full because it is New Year’s Day.)

Me: “Hi, Welcome to [Amusement Park]. How are you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need tickets for [time].”

Me: “It looks like we’re actually sold out for that time; however, if you wanted to jump at [time 30 minutes later] I could get you in then.”

Customer: “No! I need to jump at [time]. I’ve been here before and there’s never been a problem!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we do recommend that you buy tickets ahead of time either in the park or online to reserve your spot.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I have these two boys with me and if they don’t get to jump, their day will be ruined!”

(She gestures to her two sons who are with her.)

Me: “Like I said, they will be able to jump, just not at that specific time. They could jump just thirty minutes later; so they would still be able to jump today.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just great! You’ve ruined these boys’ day. Happy New Year!”

(With this, she stormed off leaving her sons behind. They followed her, but one of them apologized on his way out. She came back ten minutes later and apologized for her behavior and said that she would like to buy the tickets for the later time.)

No Wonder Fries Are So Addictive…

, , , , , , , | Learning | January 1, 2018

(My grandfather was a math teacher, and this is a story I heard about him many times. Given the end result, I believe the particular topic at hand was statistics.)

Grandfather: “Now, nobody needs to answer, and if you do, I’m not going to tell anyone. How many people here have smoked marijuana?”

(Several hands go up.)

Grandfather: “Okay. Now, keep your hand up if the first time you ever had mashed potatoes came before the first time you ever had marijuana.”

(Everyone’s hand stayed up. And that’s how my grandfather “proved” that mashed potatoes are a gateway drug.)

Flipping Out Over This

, , , | Healthy | January 1, 2018

(I accidentally remove most of the tip of my middle finger with a gardening tool and am getting fixed up in the ER.)

Nurse: “There you go. Would you like me to tape your middle finger to the one next to it?”

Me: “Um, no. Why would you?”

Nurse: “Well, sometimes with a injury to the middle finger people ask us to tape an adjacent finger too so that they don’t inadvertently flip other people off.”

Me: “Are you kidding? This is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for!”

Unfiltered Story #102280

, | Unfiltered | January 1, 2018

(Some of our stores have a furniture department, but our store is a smaller branch, and therefore doesn’t carry everything that a larger store will have. It’s a pretty slow day, just after New Years, when everyone has pretty much finished with all of their returns from Christmas. A man and his wife walk in.)

Me: *smiles* “Good afternoon!”

Customer: “Hi. Where’s your furniture department?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have one.”

Customer: *getting angry* “Yes you do!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We do have furniture online, but we’re a smaller branch, so we don’t carry any in store.”

(That’s when he got really angry, and started going off about how they had driven forty minutes, and he checked online, and he was pretty sure we carried it in store. To be fair, the website WAS very confusing, and didn’t clearly state which stores had a furniture department. Phones are a thing, though. He could have called to double check if he wasn’t sure.)

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