The Number One Thing You Can Do With A Cat

, , , , , , | Romantic | March 1, 2018

(My boyfriend has stayed the night at my house. I leave for my morning class. I expect him to still be asleep when I get home, but he meets me at the door, looking frazzled.)

Boyfriend: “Babe, I’m so sorry!”

Me: “Uh… What?”

Boyfriend: “I accidentally peed on your cat.”

(Turns out, my “helper” cat heard water running in the bathroom and, investigating the splashing noise in the toilet, ended up in the line of fire. My boyfriend calmed down when I explained that [Cat] repeatedly jumped into the toilet as a kitten and that was why I always keep the lid down.)

A Sign From The Lord

, , , | Right | March 1, 2018

(My chorale meets once a week at a church on Wednesday nights, and since we share the building with various other organizations, chorale members have a specific code to get in. The following ensues the first time we try to use our new codes.)

Chorale Lady: *punches code* “Huh?”

Me: “Oh, you can’t—”

Chorale Lady: *ignoring me, punches code again* “They said this was the code… It’s supposed to be [code], right?” *punches it again without waiting for an answer*

Me: “Um, ma’am…”

Chorale Lady: *punches random buttons* “Ugh, this is SOOOOO frustrating!”

Me: *feeling amused and a bit annoyed, points to big 8.5×11″ sign above the keypad* “This might be why. ‘Codes are not working this week; please use intercom.’”

Chorale Lady: *blinks for a minute, then waves dismissively* “Oh, I never read signs if I don’t have to.”

Me: *face-palm*

Making You Feel Like A Dinosaur

, , , , | Working | March 1, 2018

(I’m 30 and I work at a major online retailer. One evening the Internet goes down for the entire building, which means everything shuts down. We’ve all got a break while it’s being fixed. I’m talking to a cute coworker. Movies come up.)

Coworker: “I was watching one of my favorite movies with my mom a couple days ago and I just saw it in the bins! But now I can’t remember the name! It’s escaped me!”

Me: “What kind of movie?”

Coworker: “You know, one of those really old Disney movies.”

Me: “What, like Black Cauldron?”

Coworker: *gives me a look like “Of course not that one.”* “No, it’s the one with dinosaurs! You know, the really old one.”

Me: “I don’t think The Land Before Time is Disney, and I know We’re Back isn’t. I can’t think of a Disney dinosaur movie.”

Coworker: “You know, it’s 3D and has those little furry creatures?”

Me:Ice Age?”

Coworker: “No! I used to watch it when I was two with my mom. It came out the year I was born.” *long pause because I’m out of ideas*Dinosaur! That’s right! It’s just called Dinosaur! I love that old movie.”

(She’s 18! I thought she was, like, 24! That movie came out when I was in middle school. “Old movie,” indeed. I feel old now. And a little creepy for thinking she was cute.)

Unfiltered Story #106377

, | Unfiltered | March 1, 2018

About two weeks into working at Macy’s, I was put in the handbags department for the first time and things were going pretty well until this one middle aged lady came in.

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to return this purse and then buy it again because it will be cheaper”.

Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “No”.

Me: “Do you have the tags for the purse?”

Customer: “No, but I used my macy’s card”.

Me: “I need the tags or the receipt otherwise I can only give you a return check in the mail or a gift card for store credit”.

Customer: *Raising voice* “I don’t want that, I want this purse!”

So I search the system for the type of purse she had in order to print out a replacement tag. I find it and print it but the system is still not finding it on her card.

Me: *After she insists she wants to buy the purse “Hold on, I’ll call a manager”

So the manager comes and searches her account history with his laptop. He finds that she has bought and returned the same purse NINE different times in the past year, trying to take advantage of our return policy.

Manager: “You know that what you are doing here could get you in trouble”.


She continued to talk with him for over an hour, nobody else came during that time and I was amazed how calm my manager was throughout the whole thing. She had first come at 5 and remained there until 6:30. After she finally left, my manager rolled his eyes and gave me Macy’s money for having to deal with her.

Unfiltered Story #106375

, | Unfiltered | March 1, 2018

I am working closing shift. Because our store is small, we don’t have maintenance to clean our bathrooms like the other stores in our chain. So a coworker and I share the duty. By this point I had only been there a few weeks. Well Friday of that week rolls around, and it’s my turn again. I clean the women’s room. All good and fine. Then Just before I start on the men’s restroom, a regular barges in saying he needs the restroom. Well, he is in there awhile, so I do my closing returns. I finally see him leave, and go to clean the men’s room. That’s when I see it, he has drawn smiley faces in his own waste all over the walls. I run and get my manager. He shakes his head. “Looks like the Friday Night Bandit has struck again.” According to him, the same guy had been doing that for the year we had been open.

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