Sharing The Uncaring

, , , , | Right | May 5, 2018

(I’m opening on concession. This is my first guest of the day: a 40-something mom with her two teenage daughters. This entire time, more and more guests are starting to show up and line up behind her.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: *literally the most dull, ho-hum tone I’ve ever heard* “Oh, I don’t know… like… I know I want popcorn and probably two sodas. I guess.”

Me: *trying to be perky and cheerful* “All right, let’s start with the popcorn. What size would you like?”

Customer: *deep, slow sigh* “I don’t care.”

(I flinch, because “I don’t care” is pretty much a sure sign at my theater that it’s going to be a needlessly LONG and tedious order.)

Me: “We have three sizes available: small, medium, and large. There’s about a dollar difference between the sizes, and large comes with a free refill. I could give you a large and some trays to split it up, if you think you’ll all want popcorn, since it’s the best value.”

Customer: “Probably not large. But I don’t know. Girls, what size should we get?”

Daughter #1: “Doesn’t matter to me.”

Daughter #2: “I’ll leave it up to you.”

Customer: *turning back to me* “I don’t care. Just get me a popcorn.”

Me: “Absolutely. I just need to know which size you’d like.”

Customer: *deep yawn* “But it doesn’t matter to me.”

Me: “I understand, ma’am. But we have three sizes, so I need to know which you’d like.”

Customer: “Can I see the sizes?”

Me: *gesturing to a display case* “Yup, absolutely. Right here we have the small, medium, and large.”

Customer: “I really, honestly don’t care.”

Me: “All right, how about a medium?”

Customer: *looks at the display for about 20 full seconds* “Eh… Small. I’ll save the extra dollar.”

Me: “All righty!”

(I prepare her small popcorn. She suddenly perks up slightly and shows me a rewards card that gets free upgrades and earns points.)

Customer: “Can I use this to earn points?”

Me: “Sure thing! You could also use it to upgrade to a medium popcorn for the same price as a small if you’d like.”

Customer: “I don’t care.”

(At this point, I’ve had enough of “I don’t care,” so I decide to move on, especially as there’s now a half-dozen people behind her.)

Me: “How about the drinks? What sizes do you think you’d want?”

Customer: *another deep sigh* “Look. I keep saying, ‘I don’t care.’ I just want drinks. This is far too slow. I just want drinks.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. But I need to know what to get for you.”

Daughter #1: “One will be a [Soda #1]!”

Me: “Great! What size?”

Daughter #1: “Oh, I don’t know.”

Customer: *interrupting* “So, with the rewards card I can get a medium popcorn for the small price?”

Me: “Yes. Would you like to change your order to a medium?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “All right, just let me know when you decide.”

Customer: “I probably won’t. I don’t really care.”

Daughter #1: “Mom, I was trying to figure out which size to get for my drink! You interrupted me! What size can I get?”

Customer: “Whatever you want.”

Daughter #1: “It doesn’t matter.”

(At this point I’m screaming inside, and there’s now more and more people lining up behind her.)

Me: “How about a medium? It’s still quite big, but it doesn’t cost the most.”

Daughter #1: “Okay!”

(I prepare the medium drink.)

Daughter #1: “I didn’t want ice.”

Me: *fighting to urge to throw the drink in her face as I pour it out to make another one without ice* “Sure thing.”

Daughter #2: “Can I get a small [Soda #2], please?”

(I’ll leaping with joy in my head, since she’s the only one who seems to know what she kind of wants. I make her drink, after making sure she wants ice.)

Me: “All right, ma’am. Anything else?”

Customer: “I don’t think so.”

Me: “Okay. Before I finalize the order, did you want to upgrade the small popcorn to the medium with your rewards card?”

Customer: “I. Don’t. Care.”

Me: “I’ll just do it. No reason not to. Okay?”

Customer: *under her breath* “This is the worst service I’ve ever received… Can’t even follow simple orders.”

(I finished up her order, now with almost 20 people behind her, all waiting angrily because this one order had taken so long. The final punch to the guts? Upon asking if she wanted to use the $20 in rewards she had on her card to cover the order? “I don’t care,” of course. Oh, and having to deal with the next few customers chewing me out for being “too slow with that last lady.”)

Booked Yourself In For Some Weird Meals

, , , , , , | Related | May 5, 2018

(My sister is a giant bookworm. She is always reading, no matter what she’s doing. Cooking, bathroom, watching TV, breaks/lunch at work, she’s reading a book. For showering and driving, she plays an audio book. It can sometimes lead to comedy gold.)

Sister: “Well, this morning I was making a bowl of cereal while also reading my book, so I wasn’t 100% paying attention. I opened the sugar canister and spooned plenty of sugar in, while still reading my book. I took a bite and I got a big mouthful of salt! The canisters look alike! I feel so betrayed.”

Me: *bent over laughing*

Sister: “Oh, that’s not all. While I was on video chat with [Best Friend], I made a sandwich and I went to get the Italian dressing to put on it. Well… I wasn’t paying attention, and the chocolate syrup is next to the Italian dressing in the fridge. I didn’t realize until I already put it on the meat and went to close it. [Best Friend] was laughing her butt off. I rinsed the chocolate off the meat and put Italian dressing. I took a bite and there was still chocolate on the bread! I had to spit it out, and [Best Friend] laughed even harder!”

Me: *laughing and wondering how she made it to 28*

You Have Goth To Be Kidding

, , , , , | Friendly | May 5, 2018

(We just finished auditioning for “High School Musical” and are making small talk with the director, who knows most of us pretty well. The audition dealt a lot with the different cliques in the show and how they would be portrayed, so our conversation inevitably drifts to that.)

Actor: “I asked [Musical Director] if we could have an emo clique, but he said emos can’t be in musicals.”

Director: “Well, actually, I’m thinking there will be a group of… I think I’ll call them, ‘Utility Students’… who will play different things in different scenes. Like, sometimes if I need two extra brainiacs, they’ll be brainiacs. So they’ll probably be emos and goths for at least one scene.”

Actor: *extremely cheerful and upbeat* “Yes! I am amazing at being emo! Like, seriously, I know I’m wearing a colorful sweater right now, but my entire wardrobe is black and blacker. I’m the most emo person you’ve ever met!”

(They didn’t seem to catch the irony.)

Putting Two And Two Together

, , , , | Right | May 5, 2018

(I have just gotten out of school and it is snowing aggressively, on the verge of hailing. During my second to last class period, my period surprises me by arriving early. It ends up soaking through a tampon and my jeans. I clean up as best I can and tie a sweatshirt around my waist until I can go home. Unfortunately, I have to stay after school to make up a chemistry test, and have to suffer through until I’m done. Afterwards, I walk to a nearby drug store because my ride won’t arrive for another hour. I place my variety of purchases on the counter: pads, a pair of cheap leggings, chocolate poptarts, and a soda.)

Female Cashier: *puts two and two together* “Oh, sweetie, I’m not supposed to do this, and don’t tell my manager, but I’m going to give you my 10% discount.”

Thankfully Obnoxiousness Isn’t Hereditary

, , , , | Learning | May 5, 2018

(My genetics biology class has a brief discussion about the double-helix structure of DNA, and of course Watson and Crick come up, along with a quick discussion of how Rosalind Franklin deserved more credit for her work. The girl behind me takes that as her cue. Every time we discuss a scientist, she sarcastically asks what his wife discovered, and loudly talks about how much men suck. I’m a woman and a feminist, but this girl is just annoying, and ignorant to boot. Finally, I’ve had enough.)

Girl: “Oh, suuure, he discovered heredity! Are you sure he wasn’t just taking credit for a woman’s work, like all those other misogynistic pigs?!”

Me: “You do realize we’re talking about Mendel, right? Gregor Mendel? Ringing any frickin’ bells?”

Girl: “Another pretentious jerk, taking credit for his wife’s work!”

Me: “Dude… Mendel was a monk.”

Girl: “So?”

Me: “As in, living in an abbey, no women around, never married! Pretty d*** sure his work was his own.”

(She went pink, and thankfully stayed quiet for the rest of the semester. The professor, also a woman, told me later that she gave me a few extra credit points for finally shutting her up.)

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