Save The Date!

, , , , | Romantic | March 22, 2019

(My husband and I are standing in line to get snacks at a movie theater, talking while we wait. I respond to something he says in a way that’s snarky and fake-insulting, as that’s how I express my affection most of the time, and he usually volleys it right back.)

Husband: “You are ruining date night.”

Me: *gasps* “This is a date?!

Husband: “Yes, this is date night and you’re ruining it.”

Me: “Do… do you like me?”

Husband: “…”

Me: “Do you like me like me?!”

Husband: “I’m not sure where you find divorce papers, but you’re making me really tempted to find out.”

Me: “Now who’s ruining date night?”

Breaking Down This Week Into All The Breakdowns

, , , , | Related | March 22, 2019

(My family has just gone through a very rough week. My car broke down on the way home from class on Monday. Tuesday night, my sister’s then-fiancé, who we knew had done drugs in the past but SWORE he was clean, totaled her car, and when my step-dad went to clean it out, he found drugs in the trunk. The resulting blow-up ended up with her then-fiancé getting kicked out. Thursday morning, we woke up to a flooded living room from our water heater kicking the bucket. My mom’s car has been in for repairs for hail damage, and Friday she gets this call.)

Manager: “[Mom]?”

Mom: “Yes?”

Manager: “I don’t know how to tell you this, but… we kind of wrecked your car.”

Mom: “What?”

Manager: “One of our workers was moving the car to the garage so we could take a look at it, and he had a seizure and… ended up flooring it into the only tree on the lot.”

Mom: “…” *puts her head down and starts hysterically laughing*

Manager: “Ma’am?”

Mom: “Oh, my God, no. I’m sorry, I’m not laughing at you or anything, and I hope the guy is okay, but you really don’t know the week I’ve had, and if I don’t laugh I’m going to start crying.”

An Oriented Playlist

, , , , , , , | Friendly | March 22, 2019

(My job involves running a lot of errands, and while I can usually handle it myself, I know that this trip I have a lot to pick up and will need help. I’m allowed to pull another employee, so we go get in my car, which is hooked up to my phone. When I start the car, the last song I was listening to starts playing: “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” by Whitney Houston.)

Coworker: “Oh, so, you’re a lesbian!”

(I burst out laughing and he was briefly concerned he’d offended me, until I explained that I was, in fact, a lesbian. I’ve just never been outed by a song before!)

No ID-ea Why They’re All So Upset

, , , , | Right | March 22, 2019

(There’s a really delicious Mexican place that sells just chicken as the main protein. I’ve been going there for years and while I’m not the type of person to make friends with the staff, as I’m a bit shy, I recognize most of them and they’ve always been very nice and accommodating to me. This happens as I get a chicken burrito after a long day of classes with nothing in my belly. I notice that they’ve revamped the store a bit: new menus, fixed signs, etc. but I don’t think too much about it.)

Me: “One chicken burrito, please, with hot salsa.”

Cashier: “Will that be all, ma’am?”

Me: “Yes.”

Cashier: “Okay, your total will be [total].”

Me: *hands over card*

Cashier: *suddenly looking very nervous* “Oh. Well, you see, we have a new manager. He changed some things.”

Me: “Oh? I did notice a few changes around here.” *looks up toward the signs*

Cashier: *still looking nervous* “Yeah. Well, his new policy is that you have to show ID whenever you pay with a card. Sorry.” *cringes*

Me: “Really? That’s weird. But it’s cool. I have that.” *reaches to take out ID*

Cashier: “Really?”

Me: “Huh?”

Cashier: “Most people have been complaining about it.”

Me: “That’s dumb. I would think most people would keep at least their driver’s license on them or something. I’ve got that and a regular one. It’s how I get into bars.” *I laugh*

Cashier: *laughs, too*

(I wait and get my food then realize I forgot to order an extra salsa but luckily had the 60 cents to pay for it.)

Me: “Hi— I’m so sorry, miss, but can I get another hot salsa? The 60 cent one?” *I hold out my money*

Cashier: *smiles* “Oh, just take one.” *hands me one* “Have a good day!”

Me: “Thank you so much! You, too!”

(I’ll never understand how people can blame the people who have no control over such rules. I hope I made her shift a little easier because she certainly made my day a little nicer!)

Unfiltered Story #144713

, , , | Unfiltered | March 22, 2019

I’m monitoring the self check-out registers when an elderly lady comes up to me.

– Do you work here? (Clearly my work shirt, nametag and hat with the company logo were not enough of a sign.)

– Yes ma’am.

*She shows me a bag of garlic priced at 56 cents.*

– This garlic was marked as $2.99 per pound, not $3.99! What are you going to do about it?!

*Knowing full well that garlic has always been $3.99, I point at the customer service desk not 10 feet away from where we were.*

– Unfortunately, I’m not authorized to make price changes, but the people over at customer service will be able to direct your complaint to the right people and get your situation corrected.

– I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO WALK ALL THE WAY OVER THERE! YOU GUYS SHOULD JUST LABEL YOUR PRODUCTS RIGHT!

After that, she stormed off in a huff. I was half tempted to offer to buy the garlic myself if paying an extra 10 cents or so was such a loss for her.

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