When A Cake Gets Destroyed You Know It’s Getting Ugly

, , , , , | | Related | July 18, 2019

(My boyfriend’s younger sister is pregnant. My boyfriend is super overprotective of his younger sister, and she once told me a story of my boyfriend completely kicking a guy’s a** for trying to get a photo of her chest. I go with my boyfriend to her gender reveal. While the pregnant sister is mingling, we hear a conversation with the older sister.)

Older Sister: “Yeah, I mean, it’d serve her right.”

Their Grandmother: “Don’t say that!”

Older Sister: “Why not? She got married and pregnant before me! She doesn’t deserve to be pregnant! She should get an abortion.”

Boyfriend: “What did you just say?”

Older Sister: “I said, [Younger Sister] shouldn’t be pregnant. She should get an abortion, or at least miscarry, or something. It’s not fair.”

Boyfriend: “Just because every hint of semen that even goes near you immediately realizes how f****** bitter you are and turns the h*** around doesn’t mean you can be a b**** to [Younger Sister]!”

(His older sister gets super offended and goes inside. Ten minutes later, we hear a scream of anger and the younger sister comes outside bawling.)

Younger Sister: “[Older Sister] just destroyed the cake, and told me it was a girl!”

(My boyfriend went rigid and then bolted inside the house. I didn’t follow him, unsure of what to do, but I could hear him screaming at his older sister from outside. Apparently, the family doesn’t talk to her much now, besides her parents.)

Ordainers Can’t Be Choosers

, , , , | | Friendly | July 18, 2019

(My best friend and I are both 25. She has been married for a year now, and I can’t remember the last time I went on a second date. She’s telling me that she and her husband both got ordained from some online group.)

Me: “You’re not going to be my maid of honor now; you’re going to be the one performing the wedding.”

Friend: “Or both! Or [Husband] can perform the wedding, since your spouse might not be close enough with him to have him as a groomsman. Or bridesman.”

Me: “Future spouse will probably be a man.”

Friend: “At this point, can you afford to be picky?”

To Be Fair, That Makes Some People Go “Moo,” Too

, , , , , | | Learning | July 18, 2019

(I am an assistant junior preschool teacher. Our class consists of kids age eighteen months to three years. This happens while reviewing animals with a pair of twins in the class.)

Me: “[Twin Sister], what animal says, ‘moo’?”

Twin Sister: “Cow!”

Twin Brother: “Vodka!”

(The lead teacher and I go dead face, wondering where on earth a near two-year-old could hear the word “vodka” and say it with such clarity.)

Me: “Did he just say, ‘vodka’?”

Lead Teacher: “I think so. [Twin Brother], what animal says, ‘moo’?”

Twin Brother: “Vodka!” 

(He is clearly proud of himself because he thinks he said the right word. By the end of the day, my coworker leaves instructing me to tell the twin’s mother what her son said and ask if she knows why.)

Me: “So, [Twin Brother] said something today and we really don’t know where he heard it.”

Twin’s Mother: *shocked* “Oh, really? What was it?”

Me: “Well, we asked what animal says, ‘moo,’ and [Twin Sister] said, ‘cow,’ but [Twin Brother] said, ‘vodka.’”

Twin’s Mother: *sighing with relief* “Oh! He’s saying, ‘vaca.’ It’s Spanish for ‘cow.’ I’ve taught them a couple of words and numbers in Spanish.”

Unfiltered Story #158329

, , | | Unfiltered | July 18, 2019

It’s 9:15 and I leave at 9:30 so my manager tells me to shut my register light off because my line is really long and no one else to release me from my shift

Me: shuts my light off and looks around the corner to see who the last person in line is so if anyone else gets in line I will know

Me: 10 minutes past and I look up to see more people in my line

Take My Health But Not My Money!

, , , | | Right | July 18, 2019

(I’ve just checked a woman out through my register, and she has taken her purchase and walked away. I immediately notice that she has left her purse sitting on the end of the counter, and I glance toward the door to see if I can catch her before she exits. Just then, she slips or trips and falls in the doorway. I quickly lock my register while making an apology to the next person in line and rush to the fallen customer, having forgotten in the moment about the purse.)

Me: “Are you injured? Can I help you up?”

Customer: “You! You left my purse!”

Me: “Your purse is right there on the end of the counter where you left it; I’ll get it for you in a moment. Please let me help you up!”

Customer: *half lying/sitting on the floor, resisting my efforts to help her* “Why would you leave my purse? It could be stolen!”

Me: “I am more concerned, at the moment, about your well-being than your purse. Let me help you, and then I’ll get the purse for you.”

Customer: “Just bring me my purse, you idiot!”

(Only after I retrieved her purse and she meticulously checked its contents, while sitting on the floor blocking the doorway, would she allow me to help her up. Apparently, the purse, which was in plain view on the end of the counter the entire time, was more important than her possible injuries and the fact that she was blocking anyone else from leaving the store, including any potential thief.)

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