Customer: “Are you Hispanic?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Middle Eastern?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Egyptian?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “What are you?”

Me: “Chinese.”

(customer puts on offended face)

Customer: “I don’t appreciate you treating me like I’m dumb.”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m being honest.”

Customer: “NO CHINESE PERSON WOULD EVER HAVE EYES AS BIG AS YOURS!”

Me: *mouth wide open*

This story is part of the Lunar New Year roundup!

Read the next Lunar New Year roundup story!

Read the Lunar New Year roundup!

(The shop is really, really small, and is inside the same building as a supermarket. A lady walks into the store with a shopping cart.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, could you leave your cart outside? It’s blocking other people from getting inside the store.”

Lady: *moves her cart filled with unpaid merchandise outside the store*

Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t take unpaid merchandise outside the store either.”

Lady: “I’m sorry. I’m from Texas!”

Me: “Good Afternoon, [Mississippi Government Department]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I would like y’all to get me some food stamps. My kids are hungry and I got fired last week.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t issue food stamps. You need to contact the Department of Human Services.”

Caller: “What?! My cousin told me to call y’all and y’all would get us fed. I know the State has lots of monies, can’t you just send us some?”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, you need to call DHS and they will be able to assist you.”

Caller: “F*** You! The God-D***ed State never does a d*** thing for us poor folks! I hope you feel the fires of Hell for starving children!” *click*

Me: *stunned silence*

Customer: “Hello, is this Tech support?”

Me: “Absolutely, is there an issue I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yeah I want you to take over my computer and tell me what’s wrong with it. It’s all crazy.”

Thinking about how “all crazy” actually constitutes as a good description of a problem in most cases.

Me:  “Okay, ma’am, well I assume you’ve had us remote control your machine before, so go ahead and open the program for me and I’ll try to connect. What’s the IP address?”

Customer: “No, you can’t have my IP.”

Me: “Well it’s impossible to help you without it. Don’t worry, I’m not going to do something to your machine.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. My ISP or whatever stopped giving me internet so I need you to do it some other way.”

Me: “Ma’am, without internet I can’t just… beam into your computer.”

Customer: “Man, those guys control EVERYTHING!!”

*click*

Trainee: “Hey, this woman would like to buy an iPod Touch. But she’s asking for a discount.”

Me: *to the lady customer* “Hi, so you’re interested in an iPod Touch?”

Customer: “Discount?”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t offer anything below our tagged price. It already has a guaranteed low price.”

Customer: “Discount?”

Me: “If you’re worried about money, you can choose to apply for a store credit card. With it you can buy this iPod Touch and have three months to pay interest-free.”

Customer: “Okay, so I get a card and get a discount?”

Me: “No, but you have three months to pay.”

Customer: “What’s the price in three months?”

Me: “It’s the same price as now.”

Customer: “Okay. What’s the price after the three months?”

Me: “It is the exact same price as you see here now. But with the card you get three months to pay for it.”

Customer: “Discount?”

Me: “Okay, let’s ring this up for you.”

This story is part of our Demands For Discounts roundup!

Read the next Demands For Discounts roundup story!

Read the Demands For Discounts roundup!