(My boyfriend and I are going on a walk across a bridge over the river. We’ve only been together a couple of months, so it isn’t super serious yet.)
Me: *as we walk up the ramp* “I heard of a guy who proposed to his girlfriend here.”
Boyfriend: “I’ll bet that happens a lot.”
Me: “I could make a joke here, but I won’t.”
Boyfriend: “Well, I’m not going to do it NOW!”
(Until October, I was working for a department store, [Store A], but they let me go. In January, however, I got a job the hardware and home improvement store where this story takes place, [Store B]. However, at [Store A], I was so popular that people actively tried to find me if I was working, and one of the customers happens to find me during my first official day on the register at [Store B]. I am being shadowed, as per [Store B]’s policy with any new hire.)
Me: *walking around to scan the customer’s order, not seeing who it is at first* “Good evening. Will this be on your [Store B] credit card today?”
Customer: *not noticing me yet either* “No, not today. It’s just some pla—” *looks up from her purse* “Hey! Aren’t you supposed to be at [Store A]?”
Me: *looking up and realizing it is a regular from said store* “Oh, hey! How are you? Yeah, they let me go a few months ago.”
Customer: “Oh, that’s a shame, but at least you found another place, which is good. So, how long have you been here?”
Me: *finishing up the large items on her carts and going behind the counter* “This is my first official day on the registers, but it’s nice here. A lot better than what I had at [Store A].”
Customer: “That’s great! I heard a lot of stuff about [Store A] over the last few months, and they’ve really gone downhill.”
Me: *bagging and finishing her order* “Well, I guess they shouldn’t have let me go!”
Customer: “Oh, don’t say that! You’re too good for them; besides, most of them are ignorant a**holes.”
(I laugh before tendering her out and circling survey information on the bottom.)
Me: “That’s true, but make sure to take the survey at the bottom of your receipt. It could get you a [Store A], I mean [Store B] gift card!”
(My customer chuckles at my slight mistake, but then turns to my shadower.)
Customer: *to my shadower* “Make sure you keep him; he’ll be great for your company. [Store A] most likely let him go cause he was too good for them.”
(My shadower chuckles before nodding.)
Shadower: “Do you really need me to stay here? Because I can open another register.”
(I shook my head, but he stayed close enough to assist with the different features [Store B] had on their registers that [Store A] didn’t. Even though I hadn’t been at [Store B] that long, people that knew me from [Store A] started to find me, just like old times.)
(I am talking to my 16-year-old cousin, about physics.)
Cousin: “Really? Scientists found the most common and mysterious substance in the universe, and just called it ‘Dark Matter’?”
Me: “Yep. That’s what happens when scientists name things instead of poets.”
(I work in the jewelry section of a department store. It is completely enclosed by walls of glass cases, and at least one person has to be inside at all times. We have had several people quit and have been very low on staff, and I’ve been working serious overtime while we try to find new employees. Other than jewelry staff, only managers have the security clearance to come inside to cover my breaks. I’ve just called for coverage, as I’ve been the only person there for hours and it’s been a while since my lunch break.)
Manager: *walking past* “Hey, give me a few minutes, and then I can cover your bathroom break.”
Me: “I was actually just going to take a fifteen.”
Manager: *hesitates* “We really can’t allow any fifteens right now. We’re low on staff all around, and I’m the only manager here tonight.”
Me: “Oh, okay. Don’t worry about it.”
Manager: “I can cover you for the bathroom, if you need it.”
Me: “No, that’s fine. I was just going to sit and drink some water. We close in less than two hours, anyway.”
(I headed to the other end of the section to check on a customer. A few minutes later, I heard a clattering noise, and looked up to see my manager lifting a chair from the shoe section OVER the counter and dumping it into my section. He reached over to drop a bottle of water from the vending machine on top of it, gave me a thumbs up, and walked off.)
(My friend is a very short: he’s five feet tall. He’s so insecure that he refuses to ask for help. My friend reaches for a soda on the top shelf.)
Me: “I can grab that for you.”
Friend: “No. I’ve got it.” *jumps for it*
Me: “You need to be careful; it might break.”
Friend: “Don’t.” *jump* “Need.” *jump* “Help!” *jump* “Aha!”
(He does manage to get a hold of it… for a second. It crashes to the floor and soda ends up everywhere.)
Friend: *embarrassed* “Whelp! Time to leave.”
Me: “Nope. You’re grabbing an employee while I wait here and try to prevent people from walking in it.”
(He tried to argue, but eventually got the employee. The worst part is, he works at a different store and complains about customers making messes all the time!)
