(I am at my school’s choir practice. Our instructor is going over the alto part for a section of a song and no one is getting it right.)

Teacher: “Come on, guys. Make it sexy!” *noticing our looks* “What? Gospel can be sexy.”

(Pause…)

Teacher: “JESUS CAN BE SEXY, TOO!”

(Cue an uproar from everyone else.)

In a matter of two days, what I thought was a pimple in my nostril turned into something horrific. I wake up in the middle of the night to the entire lower half of my face swollen. I have a high fever. I have no choice but to venture to the ER.

The whole time the ER nurses are questioning me, I’m feeling condescended to. They seem to think that since I’m not in a great deal of pain that the swelling can be written off as basically nothing. They give me three pills to send me on my way. The next night the swelling is worse, I’m throwing up and in a great deal of pain. I return to the ER. They “lance” my nose but hardly try to get anything out. They give me more of the same pills and Percocet. They claim the swelling will go away in 24 hours and not to worry; it’s nothing serious.

My aunt and mother grow extremely concerned. My aunt calls around and finds a nose specialist/surgeon. I talk to him on the phone. He wants to see me immediately — also, it’s his day off! My mother ends up flying in because she is so worried. She makes it just in time and goes in the room with me to see the specialist. He takes one look at me and says, “We need to perform surgery immediately.”

He essentially had to cut open my nose, drain it, and put a tube in it. He got about a cup’s worth of infection out. After the surgery, he pulls my mother aside and asks what the emergency room tried to do help me to get better. To sum it up they essentially gave me the wrong type of medicine and overlooked my condition. He tells my mother that if I waited another couple days to see him I might have died. The infection could have traveled in my blood stream to my brain and become deadly. This happens frequently due to the location of the infection, and people die from ERs overlooking it.

(I work in a bathroom showroom. A customer comes in looking for a faucet he claims to have ordered.)

Customer: “I ordered a faucet three months ago and I never heard back from any of you!”

Me: “Hello, sir. I think I was the one who helped you before. I don’t recall you placing an order, however. Can I have your name so I can look in our system?”

(He gives me his name and I look on the computer. There is nothing matching his name.)

Me: “Sir, there are no orders here under that name. Are you sure you placed the order here and not at another showroom?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m sure! I can’t believe this level of incompetence!”

Me: “Do you remember which faucet you were looking at? I can search by that.”

(He wanders through the showroom for a while, finally pointing to one. I once again search the system.)

Me: “Sir, all orders for that faucet have already been closed out and none of them match your name. We can order that for you now, if you would like?”

Customer: “I can’t believe this! I have to order twice just to get a faucet?! I’m going to tell everyone I know not to shop here, and I know contractors!”

Me: “Did you come sit at my desk and order with me, give me your information, give me the required 50% deposit, sign for the deposit, and receive a receipt?

Customer: “No. But I directly told you I liked that faucet!”

Me: “Sir, if all you did was tell me you liked the faucet, how am I supposed to know to order it? Without a deposit or contact information?”

Customer: “That’s your problem!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t order a faucet just because someone expressed a little interest in it.”

Customer: “This level of customer service is horrible! I’m never buying from here again! I’m going to give my money to [Competitor].”

Me: “In fairness, sir, you have never bought anything here.”

(I started a new job as a receptionist at a local law firm about three months ago. I have had no experience in a law environment prior to this job, and my general understanding of law is that of the average individual. One evening after work, I meet up with a few friends for drinks. One of them starts talking about her ongoing issues with her ex-boyfriend.)

Friend: “[My Name], what do you think I should do?”

Me: “Honestly, I think you should have hired an attorney back when he stopped paying his child support. I imagine it will only get worse from here on out.”

Friend: “Yeah, but I can’t afford to hire an attorney. Isn’t there something I can do?”

Me: “I’m sure there is, but what that is, I cannot tell you.”

Friend: “Can’t or won’t?”

Me: *taken aback* “I mean that I do not know the answer.”

Friend: “But you work at a law firm!”

Me: “That doesn’t mean I instantly know anything more about law than you do.”

Friend: “But you’re smart. You’ve certainly picked something up by now?”

Me: “According to that logic, you should book your son’s next check up with someone who works in the maintenance department or the billing department at [Major Hospital].”

Friend: “That’s stupid, though. Why would you think they’d know anything about medicine?”

Everyone Else At The Table: “EXACTLY!”

(I work in a small family-owned business. I am working the register at the moment, but I hear a coworker’s conversation with a customer in the restaurant area.)

Coworker: “Hi. Is there anything I can get you?”

Customer: *looking at our menu* “Umm… yeah… umm… I want a BLT.”

Coworker: “All right. What kind of bread would you like that on?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t want bread. And just make sure the bacon, lettuce, and tomato don’t touch.”

(My coworker looked dumbfounded as she asked this, but we gave her what she wanted. We served her her food, and she ate only the bacon.)