Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

As The Checkout Line Churns

, , , , , | Right | July 6, 2009

(I’m ringing up a customer and notice her last name is the same as mine. I have a very uncommon last name, so I made the mistake of mentioning this…)

Me: “Your last name is [Name]? Mine, too. Wonder if we’re related?” *chuckle*

Customer: *very serious* “What is your name?”

Me: “Oh, I was joking; we’re not related; almost all of my family lives up in New England.”

Customer: *more serious* “What is your name?”

Me: “Uhhh… I’m no–”

Customer: “Do you have a brother named [Brother]?”

Me: “Yes, actually…”

Customer: “Is your mother [Mom]?”

Me: “Uh, yeah…”

Customer: “And your father’s name is [Estranged Father]?”

Me: “Well, he’s my biological father, yes.”

Customer: *sticks out hand* “Nice to meet you. I’m your step-mother!”

(The entire line of about a dozen people behind her gasps, like they are watching a soap opera.)

Me: “Oh, God… Please don’t tell my father I work here.”

Customer: “You know why your father left your mother, right?”

Me: “Uh… no?”

Customer: “Because she cheated on him with [My Stepfather]!”

(The line behind her gasps again.)

Me: “Oh, okay…”

Customer: “You know, your father is very heartbroken about you. You’ve grown up to be such a beautiful young woman. You should call him and talk to him just so he can see how you’re doing.”

Me: “Actually, we don’t–”

Customer: “You and I need to go out for coffee sometime. I have a lot of stories to tell you.”

Me: “Okay, well–”

Customer: “I promise, I’m not an evil stepmother. Well, I’ll see you later, sweetie!” *bounces out the front door*

Me: *speechless*

Next customer: “Sweetie, are you okay?”

Me: *still speechless*

Next customer: “Why don’t you take a break? We don’t mind waiting.”

Entire line: “No! Go take a break!”

Me: *to Boss* “Hey, I’m taking a break. I’ll be back in–”

Boss: “For God’s sake, go home! I’ll see you on Monday.”


This story is part of our Crazy-Coincidences roundup!

Read the next Crazy-Coincidences roundup story!

Read the Crazy-Coincidences roundup!

Thou Playest Too Much Warcraft, Methinks

, , , | Right | July 3, 2009

(A customer wearing the famous “I F**K on the first date” t-shirt is at our video rental store complaining about a charge on her account. Note that she also has her four-year-old daughter with her.)

Customer: “You f***ing peons make seven dollars an hour, and you think you can tell us what to do?! You lost that movie yourself!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but there is nothing I can do–”

Customer: “No, but you will be sorry! I expect a heartfelt apology to my face!”

(The customer storms out of the store with her daughter in tow, but before I can get to the next customer she comes back in.)

Customer: “My daughter is bawling because of you! So, thank you! THANK YOU!”

(She kicks the door on her way out and goes back to her car. I take a deep breath and put my smile back on.)

Me: “I can help who’s next!”

Next Customer: “Did she just call you a peon?”

In Search Of Mrs. Ripley’s Believe-It-Or-Not

, , , | Right | July 3, 2009

Me: “Hello, how are you doing tonight?”

(The customer says nothing for a few moments while blatantly staring at me.)

Customer: “…you have two air holes.”

Me: “…excuse me?”

Customer: “You only have two air holes!”

Me: “Well, yes. Two NOSTRILS, you mean.”

Customer: *continues to stare intently at me*

Me: “…”

Customer: “You should have three. I have been looking all my life for someone with three nostrils, but I still haven’t found her!”

Me: “Oh… really.”

Customer: “Yeah! I’ve traveled the world, but no luck.”

Me: *accepts his money and bags the item* “Well, you have fun with that!”

Clucks Can Be Deceiving

, , | Right | July 3, 2009

Customer: “Hi, I just ordered sweet and sour chicken from your establishment, and one of my pieces of chicken is shaped like a fish.”

Me: “Well, the chicken is in all different shapes, ma’am.”

Customer: “So it’s not fish? It’s still chicken?”

Me: “Uh, yes.”

Customer: “Oh, okay!”

Have No Internet, Use No Internet

, , | Right | July 3, 2009

(We are technical support for a VoIP telephone company, which means they have to have broadband internet for their phone to work.)

Customer: *on the phone* “Sales just sent me to you because I wasn’t sure if what I have is internet.”

Me: “Okay, sir, I can help you determine that. Who is your service through?”

Customer: *names phone company that provides DSL* “It’s so when people call me, they can leave a message.”

Me: “Okay, sir, that would be your answering service. Internet would be another feature you pay $30 to $60 a month for, and they would send you a small box that hooks to your computer.”

Customer: “Computers are evil. I bought one and got rid of it the next day!”

Me: “Our phone service is not going to be right for you, sir. If you’d like we could help you find internet, but without a computer you would be paying only to sustain the phone.”

Customer: “I don’t want no evil internet! Goodbye!” *hangs up*