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Troubleshooting Tip #56: No Cramming Cold Cuts

, , , , | Right | July 4, 2008

Me: “Xbox customer service. How may I help you?”

Client: “Yes, my Xbox isn’t working, but it doesn’t have that red light thingy in the front. I DEMAND to know what is wrong with it!”

Me: “Sir, you’re going to have to be a little more specific. Is your power supply functioning properly?”

Client: “Of course it is. Do I sound stupid to you?”

Me: “No, sir… Can I get your console number?”

Client: “On the bottom of the disk drive?”

Me: “No, it’s not–”

Client: “OHHH, I found the problem. There was some baloney in the disk drive…” *click*

Goodwill Running Out About… Now

, , , , , | Right | July 4, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotels] Inns and Suites. How may I help you tonight?”

Customer: “Yes, my plane was delayed, so I need to cancel my reservation in Vegas and get a room here.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Let me look that up for you.”

(I take his information, call the hotel, and talk them into canceling the reservation even though their policy said he should have had to pay for it because of the short notice. I put in the extra effort because I felt bad for the guy.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I’ve taken care of that and made you a new reservation at a hotel there. Your total for the room is going to be $89.”

Customer: “But my flight was delayed and I had to cancel my other reservation. My stay should be free!”

Me: “Well, you’ll have to check with the airline. They should pay for all or part of your hotel stay.”

Customer: “They told me you’d pay for it.”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I’m not sure why they would have told you that. The airline is responsible for the delay. We are not and we can’t give you a free stay. You’re going to have to talk to them.”

Customer: “Look, you’re going to give me a f****** free night in the f****** hotel here. You have to. My flight was canceled.”

Me: “Sir, I have to ask you not to curse at me. I will terminate the call.”

Customer: “Look, b****–” *click*

(I received five or six hang-up calls in the next 30 minutes, which I assume were his attempts to get another agent. Unfortunately for him, I was the only person working after midnight. I no longer felt bad for him.)


This story is part of our Swearing Customers roundup!

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Maine, Mars, Same Difference

, , , , , | Right | July 4, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business] customer service. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Where y’all at? India?!”

Me: “No, sir, I’m in Maine.”

Customer: “Maine? Where the h***’s that?”

Me: “Northern New England, sir.”

Customer: “England? I thought you sounded funny.”

(I have a VERY slight New England accent and this guy sounds like a Southern good ol’ boy).

Me: “No, NEW England, sir, northeastern United States.”

Customer: “Oh, up in Canada, then! Well, you done learned English pretty good I guess!”

Me: “…”


This story is part of our 2nd Terrible At Geography roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

13 Funny True Stories About Tourists Who Have Absolutely No Clue

 

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(Telepathic) Help Wanted, Part 3

, , , , | Right | July 3, 2008

(Note: this is something I witnessed.)

Clerk: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for this movie. I rented it before, but I want it again.”

Clerk: “Sure thing. What’s the title?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know. ”

Clerk: “What was it about?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Clerk: “Well, do you remember what the cover looked like?”

Customer: “No, not really.”

Clerk: “Who was in it?”

Customer: “I didn’t pay attention. ”

Clerk: “…”

Customer: “…”

Clerk: “Sir, I can’t find the movie without any details.”

Customer: “Isn’t that your job?!”


This story is part of the Movies & TV roundup!

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Because Real Men Don’t Need (Or Follow) Instructions

, , , | Right | July 3, 2008

(This all began over the phone with a male customer who hadn’t received an instruction manual with their game.)

Me: “Okay, so you didn’t receive a manual correct?”

Male Customer: “Yes, that’s correct. Can I bring it in and exchange it for another that has a manual?”

Me: “Of course, just bring in both the game and the receipt.”

Male Customer: “Okay, great. I should be there in about half an hour.”

Me: “Sounds good.”

(Half an hour later…)

Male Customer: “Hey, I called about returning my game without the manual.”

Me: “Oh yeah, sure. I’ve got the game ready for you and everything. So all I need is the receipt…”

(A look of horror crosses the customer’s face, which is quickly replaced with a look of feigned puzzlement.)

Male Customer: “… receipt?”

Me: “Yes, receipt.”

Male Customer: “You didn’t tell me to bring a receipt. Can we do it without it?”

Me: “Er… no. I very specifically told you to bring one so we could do the transaction. Also, I need to know the games from our store.”

Male Customer: “No, you didn’t! Look, I just drove across town to get here to get this stupid manual from you guys because you didn’t give it to me!”

Me: “That was a factory defect, sir, we don’t package the games, we just sell them. Also, there’s nothing I can do without a receipt.”

Male Customer: “Well, can’t you just open that one–” *points to the new game I’ve pulled out for him* “–and give me the manual from there?”

Me: “No, that would leave us with another game with no manual, only it wouldn’t be in our system. We can’t do the transaction and we also need to know that it’s from our store first.”

Male Customer: “Look dude, just give it to me, your boss doesn’t have to know!”

(I glance to my side where my manager is standing with a badge that says “Manager”. He sighs and quite calmly says… )

Manager: “Sir, please go home, be a man and learn the game without reading the manual first. Thank you. Goodbye.”