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Equal Opportunity Intolerance

, , , , | Right | October 16, 2008

(At our credit union, we have one teller with a neurological disorder that causes a constant, but mild tremor in her hands.)

Customer: *shouts across the lobby* “Hey, you, are you the manager?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Then get your a** over here!”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “This woman is sitting here shaking in her god-d*** boots waiting on me and son because we are [race].”

Me: “Ma’am, I assure you she is not shaking because you are [race]. She is treating you the same way she treats every member.”

Customer: “NO!” *points at teller* “You are a racist! I have never seen someone so scared of [race]. This is blatant discrimination!”

Teller: “Ma’am, I have an illness that causes me mild tremors. It has nothing to do with you.”

Customer: “Well, I feel like I am being discriminated against. If you really do have an illness there should be a sign over your window telling people about it so they can avoid coming to your window so they don’t get scared and upset.”

Me: “Now that would be discrimination, right?”

Customer: *storms off*

He’s Gonna Need A Huge Courtroom

, , , , , , | Right | October 16, 2008

(I’m calling to renew magazine subscriptions.)

Me: “Hello, may I speak with [Customer]?”

Customer: “This is him, and you know… I’ve gotten five calls from Boise, Idaho, today!”

Me: “So sorry, but I assure you it wasn’t us. Our system only calls once per day.”

Customer: “Do you work for them! Do you work for Boise, Idaho?”

Me: “Yeah, I guess. But there are a number of call centers here in Boise. Maybe one of them called you?”

Customer: “No! It was Boise, Idaho! You know what? This is what’s going to happen… Let me have your name!”

Me: *gives name*

Customer: “Well, son, you are now involved in a lawsuit! I am suing Boise, Idaho, and everyone who works for Boise, Idaho!”

Me: “…are you serious?”

Customer: “Yes! I get calls all the time from Boise, Idaho, and I’m sick of it! I’m on a ‘do not call’ list!”

Me: “Well, you subscribed to this magazine, so the list doesn’t apply. However, I can put you on our system’s ‘do not call’ list and we will never bother you again.”

Customer: “This is so illegal. I’m taking your job and suing Boise, Idaho!”

Me: “I wish you the best of luck in suing Boise, Idaho, sir. I really do.” *click*

Who’s The Man Now

, , , | Right | October 15, 2008

(It’s past closing time and I’ve just dealt with a rush of three new applications that took fifteen minutes each, and am moving on to the next customer.)

Me: “Sorry about that, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “Well, these movies aren’t working. They are all scratched.”

Me: “Sorry about that. Pick whatever you want and I’ll exchange them.”

Customer: “Thank you.”

(A few minutes later, a big, flannel-clad man walks in.)

Customer’s Husband: “My wife was just in here for half an hour! ”

Me: “I’m sorry about that…” *explains situation*

Customer’s Husband: “I don’t care! You need to have more than one register open! Where is your manager?!”

Me: “He is in the back. We were suppose to close forty-five minutes ago which is why I’m the only one on the register.”

Customer’s Husband: “You idiot! I need to see him now!”

Me: “He’ll be here… now calm down!”

Customer’s Husband: “YOU MADE MY PREGNANT WIFE STAND IN LINE FOR HALF AN HOUR!”

Me: “Well, sir… maybe you should have been a man and came in here instead of your wife.”

Customer’s Husband: *speechless*

(My manager had to pretend to fire me in front of him, but we later joked about him in the back room.)

I’m In Ur Hubz Burnin Ur Portz

, , | Right | October 15, 2008

Me: “Welcome to [Company] support, how can I help you?”

Customer: “One of my computers doesn’t have internet.”

Me: “Okay, is it in a hub?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Can you try a different port?”

(I hear scuffling in the background.)

Customer: “It works now.”

Me: “Well, great. That port on your hub must be burned out. Just order a new hub from your admin, or use this port instead.”

Customer: “But why?”

Me: “Because it’s burned out.”

Customer: “I know, but why is burned out?”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I like this port! How could it be burned out?”

Me: “It just is. It’s like reaching into a bag of chips and getting that green one: sometimes it just happens.”

Customer: “That’s chips, this is a hub! I want to know why it burned out! Tell me why!”

Me: “I don’t know! Terrorists or something did it!”

Customer: *hangs up*

Cube Mate: “Terrorists?”

The Lights Are On But Nobody’s Home

, , , | Right | October 15, 2008

Client: “I need to see if I can get a settlement advancement because I only have enough money to pay my rent or electricity bill.”

Me: “I will talk to the adjuster and see if we can get an advancement, but they don’t have to give you one and we can not force them.”

Client: “That’s great, thank you… but which bill should I pay?”

Me: “I am not going to tell you what to do, but let me ask you this: what good is electricity if you do not have a place to live?”

Client: “So, which bill should I pay then?”

Me: “…really?”


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