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Sometimes, Free Just Ain’t Enough

, , , , , | Right | May 23, 2008

(Many years ago, in an electronics store far, far away…)

Woman: “I just bought this computer and I can’t connect to Prodigy.”

(eMachine had offered a $400 rebate for users who signed up for a year of Prodigy ISP, but the modems in their PCs wouldn’t work with Prodigy. Doh!)

Me: “Yes, there’s a problem with some of the eMachines not working with Prodigy. I’ll put a new modem in for you and it will work. You can come back in about an hour to pick it up.”

Woman: “I don’t want you to do that!”

Me: “Uh… what?”

Woman: “I don’t see why I have to get this fixed!”

Me: “Unfortunately, your computer has a faulty modem, and the problem was found after it left the factory. However, I can replace your broken modem with a brand new one for free, and that will take care of the problem.”

Woman: “But I don’t want you messing around in my computer!”

Me: “This is my job–I install computer components all day.”

Woman: “Well, I don’t want you messing around in there breaking things!”

Me: “Replacing a modem is not that complicated. It’s like putting a new tire on a car.”

Woman: “But if I just bought a new car, I shouldn’t need to have the tires changed in order to get it to work!”

Me: “Yes, I understand that. I apologize about the faulty modem, and I’m offering to fix it for free.”

Woman: “Well, I changed my mind. I don’t want that! Just cancel my Prodigy subscription.”

Me: “…so you’d want to keep the broken modem?”

Woman: “Yes, I want to keep it. Cancel my Prodigy subscription.”

Me: “Ok, you got a $400 rebate for signing up for a year’s worth of Prodigy. If you cancel it, you’ll owe us $400.”

Woman: *yelling* “WHAAAATTTTT? I’M NOT PAYING EXTRA MONEY FOR A BROKEN MODEM! I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO PAY MORE MONEY! YOU’RE JUST TRYING TO RIP ME OFF!”

Me: “You got $400 off of your computer because you signed up for a year of Prodigy. If you cancel, then you have to pay the full price! How can you not see that?”

Woman: “THIS IS B*LLSH*T! YOU’RE TRYING TO STEAL FROM ME! I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

(We got her security instead.)

All Husbands Must Be Kept On A Leash

, , , | Right | May 23, 2008

(I am one of the quickest and most efficient cashiers at my store, and often receive positive comments about this from the customers.)

Wife: “My, you’re just whizzing along! I can’t believe how fast you are!”

Husband: “Didn’t you know? That’s the store’s new policy. They only hire fast women.”

Me: *chuckles good-naturedly*

Wife: “Don’t mind my husband. We only let him out on weekends.”


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Brown-Skinned Savage, I Come From Distant Shores

, , , , | Right | May 23, 2008

(I was called by the cashier to help an elderly lady out to her car. As I was loading the trunk, she says…)

Elderly Customer: “How do you say it? Muchas gracious?”

Me: “Um, I’m not Hispanic.”

Elderly Customer: “Oh, really? Where are you from?”

Me: “I’m actually from Bangladesh.”

Elderly Customer: “Really? Is that near Mexico?”

Me: “No… it’s actually right next to India.”

Elderly Customer: “Oh, I see…”

(I finish loading her trunk.)

Elderly Customer: “Thanks and aaadios!”

Me: “…”


This story is part of our 3rd Terrible At Geography roundup!

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This story is part of our “Where are you from?” roundup!

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Who Needs Enemies When You Have Customers

, , | Right | May 22, 2008

(A customer comes storming in a few days after a sale.)

Customer: “I want to speak to the person who sold me this!”

Me: “Actually, I believe that was me. I remember you.”

Customer: “No, it couldn’t have been you! The girl I spoke with had long hair!”

(I wordlessly take my hair out of the ponytail.)

Customer: “No, she was prettier than you are. I’ll come back tomorrow.”

Time To Slap “Low Cal” On The Lard Cakes

, , , | Right | May 22, 2008

Customer: “Do you have anything without calories?”

Me: “Not except water, no. But I can make the baked potato with chili beans with no butter, making it more low-fat than anything else you’ll be likely to find around here. ”

Customer: *rolls eyes* “Well, if that’s the best you can do…”