Should Just Try And Brush This One Off

, , , | Working | October 18, 2018

(My office shares a bathroom with four other offices. I am walking to the restroom when I hear this exchange.)

Woman #1: *panicked voice* “The brush is missing!”

Woman #2: *concerned* “What do you mean the brush is missing?”

(I assume they are talking about a hair brush and move on to do my business. As I am peeing, they rush in.)


Me: “…”

Woman #1: “Well, it is missing now! I guess the commode will just remain filthy!”

Woman #2: *quieter but still angry* “I saw it earlier. I thought about cleaning up the mess for five seconds, but didn’t.”

Woman #1: “I don’t know what is happening to this place. It is really going downhill! This place is so disgusting!”

Me: *scuttles out*

Women: *glares accusingly at me*

(And that is how I learned two of my office neighbors have OCD and another suffers from kleptomania. Most awkward hand wash ever.)

Practicing Becoming An Old Bag

, , , , , | Right | October 18, 2018

(I work for a store in a well-known chain of drug stores. I am working the front register when a customer comes up and puts down a small bag of nuts and a drink. I have a habit of asking if they would like a bag if their purchase is small or it looks like it will be eaten right away. I ask because we don’t have small bags, just the regular-sized grocery bags. Most customers don’t want to deal with a bag in this situation.)

Me: “Would you like a bag for this?”

Customer: “Well, it’s more than one item, so yeah. Wouldn’t you say?”

Me: *smiles, thinking she’s joking* “You don’t have to have one; it’s really up to you.”

Customer: *straight-faced* “No, it’s not. It’s your job.”

(I bag her items, a little stunned. I’d never had anyone demand a bag.)

Me: “Here you go. Have a nice day!”

Customer: *takes her bag and leaves without saying a word*

(I found out later that the same customer called to complain about me, and claimed I refused to give her a bag. My manager is cool and just laughed it off. I wonder what that customer would do in places like California where, due to a ban on plastic bags, they don’t ever give you a bag!)

Bad Grandpa

, , , , , | Related | October 18, 2018

(My paternal grandfather has finally passed after battling several health issues. We’re cleaning out his house, and evidently Grandpa had a bit of a reputation for being somewhat… bizarre.)

Dad: “I found some of grandpa’s old videos and posters. Can you maybe put them up on eBay for me?”

Me: “Sure, I can do that.”

Dad: “They allow porn on eBay, right?”

Me: “…”

Asking The Horse After It Has Bolted

, , , , | Friendly | October 18, 2018

(I am at a wholesale store buying lunch for a working meeting. I go to pay and place down my items. When I turn back from putting the cart in the cart line there is a lady with two items between me and the customer before me, staring expectantly at me.)

Lady: “Can I go in front of you?”

Me: “I guess?”

(For the record, I would have let her go in front regardless. It was just strange she cut in line AND THEN asked.)

Might End Up With Another Drive To The Hospital

, , , , , | Learning | October 18, 2018

(In Massachusetts, if you are under 18 and want to get your license, you are legally required to take a driver’s education course that includes both classroom instruction and driving with an instructor in the car. My experience with the classroom instruction portion is pretty normal, and my instructor is very professional…. until I get behind the wheel with her. As I’m driving, she receives a phone call. Suddenly, she is having a loud, animated discussion in a foreign language on her cell phone. She periodically pulls away to give me directions, but then continues on her rant. Luckily, I’ve driven with my parents prior to this, so it’s not my first time on the road, but it’s still unsettling. After several minutes, the instructor finally hangs up her cell phone. She turns to me and says:)

Instructor: “I’m sorry, but I need to cut your lesson short today. I will give you priority on rescheduling and a discount, honey. We need to get back to the driving school; my idiot sister is in the hospital.”

Me: “Oh, no. I’m so sorry. I totally understand. Is she okay?”

Instructor: “She’s a moron! She told me she sprayed perfume in her vagina because it smelled bad, and now she has a very serious infection!”

(I slam on the brakes. The instructor looks at me with a surprised expression.)

Instructor: “Why did you do that? You’ve been doing perfect this whole time!”

(I take a breath.)

Me: “I’m sorry. It’s just that I feel like that’s a really personal issue. I’m only 16 and don’t have too much driving experience, and you being on the phone, and then sharing that detail with me is very inappropriate.”

Instructor: “Geez, you’re the one who asked if she was okay.”

(I asked for a different instructor to do the rest of my driving hours.)


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