Kids These Days… Waiting Their Turn!

, , , , , | Friendly | February 16, 2018

(My husband and I have just settled in at an RV park for vacation and I realize we are out of bread for sandwiches. As it is almost lunch time, I quickly run to the grocery store across the street. I grab a bag of bread and head to the check out. A woman is currently in the process of checking out, with a massive amount of items on the conveyor belt. The two ladies in front of me also have a cart that is piled high with food. An elderly couple bring their cart into line behind me, which is about half full. One of the women in front of me speaks up.)

Younger Woman: “Excuse me, would you like to cut in front of me?”

(I look up from looking at the snacks, thinking she might be speaking to me. Instead, she is leaning around me to speak to the elderly couple behind me. I’m a little shocked, but quietly stand between them as they talk.)

Elderly Man: “Oh, were you speaking to me?”

Younger Woman: “Yes. Would you like to cut ahead of us, sir? Since you don’t have as many items.” *pointing at his cart*

Elderly Man: “That’s all right. We don’t mind waiting. Thank you for your offer.”

(The elderly man’s wife leans in and has a hurried whispering conversation with him, gesturing towards the ladies’ cart. At that moment, a manager walks up.)

Manager: “Hi, I can take whoever is next on this register over here in a minute!”

(I’m about to respond, when the two women ahead of me start arguing about if they should pack up what few items they already have on the belt and move over to the other line. The elderly customers behind me start beaming and immediately respond.)

Elderly Man: “Why, thank you very much!” *to his wife* “We’ll move to that line, sweetie.”

Me: *meekly* “Um… I think I was next… and all I have is one item, so…”

(All of them suddenly look at me like I just popped up out of thin air! The elderly couple give me a sour look as I scurry over to the open register and put my one bag of bread on the belt. The wife makes a big show of huffing and sighing the whole time. The manager then walks away, and we wait several moments, with the elderly woman glaring daggers the whole time. A cashier comes hurrying behind the register and quickly checks me out in less than a minute. As I stuff my bread into my shopping bag and quickly leave, I hear a parting shot:)

Elderly Woman: “Kids these days! No respect for their elders!”

(I didn’t realize that by politely waiting in line with my one item, I had been so disrespectful!)

They Need To Be Set Straight

, , , , | Working | February 16, 2018

(I’m a customer, wandering around the mall with my husband to kill time while my phone is being repaired. I pass a kiosk that is selling hair-straightening devices. A worker spots me.)

Worker #1: “Hi! We’ve got a great deal today!”

Me: “No, thanks.” *keeps walking*

Worker #1: “Imagine no-damage, straight, shiny hair!”

Me: *over my shoulder* “No, thanks.”

(Later, I’m heading back to pick up my phone and I pass the same kiosk. The worker now has a coworker with them.)

Worker #2: “Hey! We can get rid of those curls for you!”

Me: “No, thanks!”

Worker #2: “No one wants curls!”

Me: “No!”

([Worker #2] then RUNS up behind me and tries to grab my hair. My husband blocks her, and I scream:)

Me: “DO NOT TOUCH ME! GET AWAY FROM ME!”

Worker #2: “Geez! No need to be so rude! I’m just trying to help you get rid of those ugly curls!”

Husband: “Who is going to help you get rid of your ugly personality?”

Even The Gangs Can’t Deal With This Kind Of Crazy

, , , , | Right | February 16, 2018

(My friend is mute and often uses sign language to communicate. Most customers know this, so they don’t expect much sound from him. I’m visiting him at work this day.)

Me: “Bet you get a bunch of crazies here.”

Friend: *nods and signs* “You do not know the start.”

(Just then, a customer gasps loudly and runs up to the counter, pointing her finger at my friend.)

Customer: “I’M TELLING YOUR MANAGER!”

Friend: *signs* “For what?”

Customer: “YOU’RE DOING IT AGAIN! STOP THOSE GANG SIGNS!”

Me: “Uh… Ma’am, he’s mute. That means he can’t speak, so he has to use sign language.”

Customer: “LIAR! ONLY DEAF PEOPLE USE THAT. HE’S A MEMBER OF A GANG, AND YOU ARE, TOO! I’M TELLING THE MANAGER! YOU BOTH ARE GOING TO COME TO MY HOUSE AND SHOOT ME!” *runs away*

Me: “…so, is that the start?”

Friend: *looks at me with unamusement*

Not An Exercise In Futility

, , , , , , , | Related | February 16, 2018

(One spring, my ten-year-old brother starts campaigning for a puppy. My parents tell him, “We’ll see,” until summer vacation, at which point they show him a large chart.)

Brother: “What’s this?”

Mom: “This is your puppy earning chart. If you want that dog, you’re going to earn him.”

Brother: “Like, with my allowance?”

Dad: “No, with work. Dogs are a lot of work, and we’re not getting one until you prove to us that you will take care of him. We’ll help, of course, but you want the dog, so you have to do the work.”

Mom: “This chart has two parts. One for exercise, and one for chores. Every day this summer that you go out and walk around the neighborhood, at least a mile, you get an exercise check. And every day that you do your chores without us having to nag you, you get a chore check.”

Brother: “Because… dogs need walking! And feeding, and playtime, and stuff!”

Dad: “Exactly. So, if you get both checks on fifty or more days this summer, you’ve proved yourself, and you get what you want. Deal?”

Brother: “Deal!”

(“Treasure” the golden retriever came home with my brother the following fall.)

That Is “Pretty” Awesome, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | February 16, 2018

(While working a temporary job at a thrift store, I am usually working in the back room, sorting donations. Every so often, I’ll be called out to clean up the floor, as I am one of the few full-time workers. I am sorting the women’s plus-size section.)

Customer: “Oh, hey, could you hand me that black skirt there, right next to the jeans?”

(I oblige and hand her the hanger.)

Customer: *looks at the size tag* “Oh, no, this is too big for me. But it looks like it would fit you.”

(I am a large guy, who sometimes indulges in cross-dressing.)

Me: “Well, thank you, ma’am. Are you sure it’s my color, though?”

(I keep sorting the rack as we talk.)

Customer: *sensing that I’m not joking* “Well, of course. I bet it’d look good with that black and white top in the next row.”

Me: “That sounds like a good mix. There’s just one problem: employees aren’t allowed to purchase items. I’m not sure why.”

Customer: “Well, maybe you can find something similar at another store.”

(The conversation goes on for a little while and when I finish, I see an eight-year-old girl by the books, trying to reach up for a toy on the shelf. As I hand it to her, she asks me this:)

Little Girl: “Mister, do you dress up like a girl?”

Me: “Yes, I do, but not when I’m at work.”

Little Girl: “I bet you’re really pretty.”

(This immediately brightens my mood until her mother steps in.)

Mother: “No, he isn’t. Boys aren’t meant to be pretty. Only girls are.”

(The little girl looks at her mother, back to me, and to the customer I was helping.)

Little Girl: “Mommy’s lying. You would be very pretty! Like a… giant princess!”

Customer & Me: *laughing*

Me: “Thanks, little girl! I’m going to put that on my business card!”

Little Girl: “Okay! Bye-bye, Princess!”

Related:
That Is ‘Pretty’ Awesome

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