When Laughter Is NOT The Best Medicine

, , , , | Healthy | December 11, 2019

(I am a paramedic.)

Me: *to a patient* “Let me borrow your arm for a blood pressure check, please.”

(The patient extends their arm.)

Partner: “Don’t worry; she’ll give it back.”

Me: “Yeah. I got in way too much trouble last time for not giving it back. The police even chased me!”

Patient: “The police chased you?”

Me: “Yeah! For armed robbery!”

Partner: *groans and slams back doors of the ambulance while walking away*

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I Have Zero Buns Left To Give  

, , , , | Right | December 11, 2019

(I am a construction worker. I work a short stint at a fast food place after I move to Arizona until I find a job in my field and, while I can be pleasant and servile in a customer service environment, I don’t deal well with bulls*** and am pretty quick to say what’s on my mind. Our restaurant has huge lunch and dinner rushes but in between, this store is pretty dead. A customer comes in around 3:00 pm when nothing is going on and half the staff is just talking since we’ve already finished our cleaning and restocking after lunch and have nothing to do. The customer orders a triple cheeseburger combo. Simple order. No problem. Both the drive-thru clerk and one of the grill workers are present when the order is made. The order is made quickly and delivered without problem. The customer takes it to their table and then returns, complaining that they ordered it with no bun.)

Me: “No, you didn’t.”

Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”

Me: “Yes, I am. Three people were present when you made your order and at no point did you order it with no bun. That being said, we’ll remake the order without a bun because that’s what we do here, but at no point did you specify you didn’t want a bun. Please don’t try to blame your mistake on us. We will remake it with no charge regardless because we want our customers to be satisfied.”

(The customer didn’t have any response and simply went back to her table until her order was ready, which took less than a minute. No complaint was ever made against us and the customer didn’t speak another word to any of us.)

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Unfiltered Story #179735

, | Unfiltered | December 11, 2019

Background: I work as a secretary in a small private school. Most of the parents are great people and the kiddos- ah! so adorable!! But we have two mothers who have been harassing my boss…and apparently now me. I like to think of them as the wicked witch of the west and the other the east.

Wicked witch of the east pops into my office right before announcements and in her typical rude tone starts asking for something. The announcements pop on, so it’s my cue to be quiet (we have to be quiet during announcements).

Me *whispering*: whoops! announcements, can I get to you in a second?

WWE *loudly*: WHY DO I HAVE TO BE QUIET!?

Now, I know this lady isn’t a moron, she knows exactly why she has to be quiet! Figuring I’d get her out of my hair ASAP, I grab what I think she was trying to ask for before announcements.

Me *whispering*: I think this is the right thing, you don’t have to wait now.

WWE *escalating*: WELL WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT AFTER ANNOUNCEMENTS?!

Obviously, I was thrown off by this- maybe she didn’t hear me right because I was trying to whisper…but for pete’s sake lady, CALM DOWN!!

Me *trying to get her to be quiet*: Oh you don’t have to wait now… *I smile and make a motion that she can go.*

The wicked witch snaps and starts yelling at me- of course, my boss, who is in the next room shouts “KEEP IT DOWN, I’M DOING ANNOUNCEMENTS!” So you think she’d get the hint and fly off on her broom. But now, she keeps up the verbal tirade. I get sick of it and finally should firmly “PLEASE LEAVE!” and THANK GOD she stomps off.

All I can say is, I pray for those poor children!!

The Cheese Has Melted And So Have Our Hearts

, , , , , , | Right | December 11, 2019

(My husband and I are at a restaurant we go to every month or so. We almost always get the same thing, so we order without looking at the menu, including an appetizer that’s a sort of breadstick bite, which is supposed to come with two types of sauce to dip.)

Server: “Oh, I’m sorry, they just discontinued those.”

Me: “Oh, no! Well, bad luck for us. We can just get regular breadsticks then.”

Server: “Well, if you like, I can see if they’ll still make them for you? They might still have everything we need.”

Husband: “We really don’t want to be a pain.”

Server: “I promise you aren’t! Just let me check with the kitchen first.”

(She returns shortly after and says the kitchen can make the appetizer easily, but it will only have the marinara sauce to dip, not the cheese sauce, which we are fine with since we only ever eat the marinara anyway. We thank her profusely, and a little while later we get our appetizer. All is well, and then a woman comes running out of the kitchen with a small plate.)

Employee: “Here you go! We tried to make you the cheese sauce anyway with what we had.”

Husband: “Oh, you didn’t have to do that!”

Employee: “No, no, we wanted to! It, um, might not be very good though, but we thought we’d try.”

(She dropped the plate and hurried off. When we looked we had to laugh. The sauce is supposed to be a kind of garlicky beer cheese sauce for dipping. What they brought us was what looked like quite literally just a block of melted cheddar cheese with a handful of garlic on top, quickly congealing back into a grease-covered lump. To be polite, we did TRY to eat it since they went through the trouble for us, but it really was terrible. The whole thing was hysterical, though, and we were touched that they went through the effort to first accommodate us with the appetizer, and then TRIED to make the sauce even if the result was mostly inedible. We tipped generously and sent an email in to the company website telling them how great their staff at this location was. They may not be able to improvise a cheese sauce on the spot, but at least they cared enough to try!)

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Bacon Doesn’t Deserve Him (remove heart attack and salad)  

, , , , , | Right | December 11, 2019

It’s between the lunch and dinner rushes when the restaurant is dead, all our duties are done, and we’re just standing around talking when a man comes in his 50s comes in. 

He tells us about how he just left the hospital. He had a heart attack and slept there for a couple of days, and now that he’s out, he wants the “biggest g**d***ed cheeseburger we sell” and he wants it with “extra extra extra bacon.” He wants bacon between each slice of meat. I’m not even comfortable serving this to a man who just confessed to a serious heart problem but I can’t really refuse him.

This comes up to like $13 worth of hamburger after all the extras are totaled. Just the burger. He spends almost $20 on his single combo, the whole time talking about his heart attack and the doctor’s advice and how he’s not going to let someone tell him what to do and he’ll enjoy what he wants. 

So, we talk with him. We finish his order. He takes it to go and he heads out the door. Everything seems okay aside from me being worried this guy might just die from eating this g**d***ed hamburger. 

But here’s the thing. This guy actually calls up and complains saying there was hair in his burger because of the long-haired cashier. He clearly means me, but I keep my hair tied back as per company policy and never actually touched the burger before it was wrapped up. There is absolutely no way I could have gotten hair in the burger, because I don’t make the burgers, being a cashier and all. But the manager on duty who takes the call doesn’t think about any of this and gives the guy another one of his $20 heart-stopping combos for free. I never get the chance to go off on the customer. I am not around when he returns for his free heart attack burger, but I sure as h*** have some choice words for the manager on duty.

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