Strange But True

, , , , | Friendly | February 19, 2019

(I’ve just woken up and I’m walking by the front door of my apartment when someone knocks. Half asleep, I start to reach for the deadbolt, and then I pause.)

Me: “Who is it?”

Stranger: *pause* “A stranger.”

Me: “Nope.”

Stranger: “Oh. Okay. Bye.”

(And he left. Kind of creepy, but at least he was honest?)

In A Spot Of Bother

, , , , , | Healthy | February 19, 2019

(For a month or so, I’ve had a very small lump right at the base of my hairline on my neck. I don’t worry too much about it, as it doesn’t seem to be growing and isn’t painful at all, until one day it very suddenly floods with blood, like a blood blister. I have a very strong family history of melanoma, so anything on my skin that changes color rapidly is cause for alarm, so the next morning I go to the emergency clinic for an opinion as they are the ones that will see me the soonest.)

Doctor #1: “Okay, let’s have a look

Me: *tipping my head to show him the lump* “It was the same color as my skin before last night when it turned red like that.”

Doctor #1: “Hmm… Well, it sort of just looks like you may have broken a capillary, but because of that, it’s a bit hard to see what might be under it… Oh, and what’s all that?”

(He points to my shoulder, which is healing up after a nasty acne breakout)

Me: “Oh, I went and visited my home state a week ago; I always break out something awful while I’m there, and it’s just healing up. And besides, the lump was there before then.”

Doctor #1: “Hmm… Well, I think we should still get you on something for that. That lump could still be acne-related.”

(This seems reasonable enough, so he prescribes me an oral medication for acne and a cream for topical use. He tells me to use both for three days and then come back to check the progress. I do so, and when I return we have the following conversation)

Doctor #1: “Oh, your shoulder looks much better!”

Me: “Er… Yeah, well, it’s had a few more days to heal.”

Doctor #1: “So, we should definitely keep you on the acne medication.”

Me: *pause* “Sure.” *with no intention of actually keeping up the entirely pointless medication* “But that lump hasn’t reacted at all.”

(He checks to see that I’m correct)

Doctor #1: “Huh! Well, then, do you want it off?”

Me: “Well… I mean, I don’t know what it is.”

Doctor: “Oh, well, that’s called a nevi. It’s just a harmless skin growth for the most part, but given your family history of skin cancer, I very strongly suggest you get it removed.”

Me: “Well… All right…”

Doctor #1: “Great! I’ll be right back!”

(He does the procedure right then — which is not fun, by the way — burning off the “nevi” with an electrical current. I’m honestly a bit hesitant, but I don’t want to be that patient that insists I know more than a medical professional. After he’s done, he starts poking me in the shoulder.)

Doctor #1: “Oh, what’s this here? You should really get this looked at, too.”

(I think about the spot he’s poking. It’s what I know for a fact is a completely benign mole. It’s perfectly healthy and I’ve had it for ages, and I’m beginning to suspect that this doctor is just of the opinion that I shouldn’t have any sort of blemish anywhere on me.)

Me: “Er… Thanks, but I think we’ll leave that one alone.”

Doctor #1: “Are you sure? I really think you should have it looked at.”

Me: *now feeling even more uneasy about the whole thing* “I’ll keep that in mind, but I think we’re done for today.”

Doctor #1: “All right, suit yourself!”

(I go home and let the burn start to heal, but I also look up the word, “nevi.” It means, “mole.” I cannot express how much my complaint was NOT a mole. I kick myself for letting this guy burn whatever it was off, but it quickly becomes apparent that what he ACTUALLY did was burn off the layer of skin covering whatever was causing my complaint. There’s still a bump there, and now it’s much more obvious as it’s turned into a bright red nodule. I do the thing you’re not supposed to do and start Googling, as I figure I can’t cause more harm by looking things up. The theory I land on is that the bump is actually an inflamed lymph node — which I did not previously know could be that near the surface — reacting to some previously unnoticed infection. This is further backed up when, after about another week, I start noticing some more lumps further under the skin, as well as developing a headache localized to that side of my head. Finally, I make an actual appointment at my regular doctor’s office and explain the whole story to him. He actually stares at me for a moment after I tell the story.)

Doctor #2: “He… he tried to burn it off?

Me: “Yes. So, you know, that particular lump is going to look especially bad, so you might want to look at the others for better reference.”

Doctor #2: “Yeah, I’d better.”

(He comes to the exact same conclusion I did, and further traces the issue to a tooth I was preparing to have a crown put on. I hadn’t connected the two because, while the tooth definitely needs work, it wasn’t really painful so I wouldn’t have thought it was infected)

Doctor #2: “Okay, so… we’re not going to be, you know, giving you any freaking creams for this because, you know, they’re your lymph nodes… I just… God!”

Me: “Yeah, I figured not. Antibiotics, then?”

Doctor #2: “Yes. And we’ll do some blood work too… I just…. He tried to burn off your lymph node!

(I left feeling rather vindicated, and as of writing this up, my lymph nodes have finally started settling down, and my headache is gone. Would have been nice not to have a chunk of my neck burnt off first, though.)

Unfiltered Story #141244

, , | Unfiltered | February 19, 2019

My class was on a school trip when we decided to take a lunch break at the nearest restaurant. I had brought my own lunch but didn’t have anything to drink. My friend offered to get a soda for me. When he came back empty-handed, he related the following story:

Friend: Hi! Can I have a drink for my friend?

Clerk: I’m sorry, sir, that’s not possible.

Friend: But I’m going to pay for it, and everything. It’s just one drink.

Clerk: Sir, one drink- with one meal. You will have to get another meal to get another drink.

Friend: But I’m just getting a drink for my friend!

Clerk: Sir, you can only have one drink per meal.

Friend: But you just gave that man a soda by itself.

Clerk: Sir, please stop being unreasonable.

Unfiltered Story #141239

, , , | Unfiltered | February 19, 2019

(I work in a call center where I take inbound calls to enroll people in our service, as well as provide support to current and previous customers.)

Caller: I recently enrolled with you, but my service hasn’t gone active, so I want to check the status of my account.

Me: (after gathering the customer’s info and pulling up their account) Okay, it seems your enrollment was rejected because we were informed you don’t live at the address you want to receive our service at. I’d be happy to confirm everything and resubmit your information to get your service started.

Caller: Oh…I did move around that time, so I guess I gave you my old info.

Me: No problem! I can definitely get everything updated and corrected so I can resubmit it and get service started.

(At this point, I attempt to start verifying information and correcting the incorrect information that was previously provided, but the caller is being difficult throughout it).

Caller: I don’t understand why my service didn’t go active. I got a confirmation number after I enrolled!

Me: Ma’am, that confirmation number is simply the number attached to the recording of your phone call, in which our computer verbally recites each piece of information you provided about yourself and asks you to verify that we correctly entered the information you provided us, as well as confirming that you are verbally agreeing to be our customer, and that you agree to our terms of service. We had no way of knowing you didn’t actually live at the address you provided us until we actually attempted to establish the service there.

Caller: But I got a confirmation number! I don’t understand.

Me: Again ma’am, that number simply confirms that you have verified that we correctly entered in the information as you provided it to us.

Caller: Someone should have called me!

Me: Ma’am, I apologize that didn’t happen, but I’d be happy to get everything corrected now.

Caller: So you’re saying this is all my fault?!

Me: (no..I’m only thinking it) Ma’am I apologize that your enrollment was rejected, but I’d be happy to correct everything.

Caller: But this isn’t fair! Why are you blaming this all on me? I want my service with you backdated!

(Basically, because the company that she’s currently receiving service from currently is more expensive, she wants our pricing to be retroactive…so she can have our pricing instead for those months…when she wasn’t actually receiving our service during that time and was still someone else’s customer. confused yet?)

Me: …Ma’am, I’m sorry but that’s just not possible.

Caller: Why not?! I enrolled on XX/XX/XXXX date, so I want the agreed price for that time! The other company is too expensive and that’s why I wanted your service instead of theirs!

Me: Ma’am, I’m sorry but I can’t undo the past. They already provided the service.

Caller: I can’t believe you won’t do anything about this! You should’ve called me! Why are you blaming this all on me?

Me: Ma’am, I apologize again and I’d be happy to correct your info so we can begin providing service to you and getting you our lower price.

Caller: I’m done! You certainly did not provide 5 star customer service today and I can’t believe you won’t do anything to help. Goodbye! (customer hangs up)

Me to the sound of a disconnected call: *sigh* You have a great day, ma’am.

Unfiltered Story #141235

, , | Unfiltered | February 19, 2019

I work in a small environmental lab in the Midwest USA. Fish fry season is big here, with newspapers publishing a map to local events every weekend. Part of the popularity is due to the practice of abstaining from any meat but fish on Fridays during the period of Lent, which covers about six weeks from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday. Lent is observed by many Christian religions, particularly Catholics in our area. The vast majority of my coworkers are self-professed Catholics who observe Lenten dietary restrictions. Many others do so out of respect for their coworkers. Others just like fish. I belong to the latter two groups. Please note, we are a close-knit, family-type company. The result of all this is, on any given Friday, someone, usually the boss, has brought enough fish and side-dishes for everyone.
Our break room is only one door down from the main offices. It’s Friday afternoon, and the lovely aroma of fried fish permeates the building.  A customer stopped by to drop off coal samples for testing, and remarked on the smell of fish.
Boss: There’s plenty in the break room. Go fix you a plate!
Customer: *wrinkling his nose* Why does it smell like fish?!
Boss: Well, it is Friday. <District Manager> brought Long John Silvers for everyone.
Customer: That’s disgusting! This is a business! It shouldn’t smell like f****** fish!
Boss: Many of our employees observe Lent, so the only meat they can eat on Friday is fish.
Customer: I don’t f****** care! It’s making me sick!
Boss: Well, I’m sorry about that.
Customer: <storming off, echoes down the hallway> It smells like f****** fish!
There was a few moments of silence, then everyone within earshot started laughing. Best part – the customer heard it and shut up!

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