Kid Earns A High Five

, , , , | Friendly | October 16, 2017

(The young son of one of our regulars is the cutest thing. He goes up to my coworker with a pack of cards that we give away for free, as a promotion for a game his dad plays, and he says, in his tiny voice:)

Kid: “Is it okay I took this? It says ‘thirteen plus.’ I’m five.”

Coworker: “That’s okay; we won’t tell.”

(We both had a good laugh at his seriousness. Ah, the logic of a five-year-old.)

This Stay Has Not Been Rated

, , , | Right | October 16, 2017

(A very stubborn customer is arguing with us about the prices changing.)

Coworker: “Sir, since you are changing your stay, the rate also changes because there is a lower rate the longer you stay. If you shorten your stay, the rate goes up.”

Customer: “That is BS! That doesn’t make sense! Who puts these darned rules on the rates?! I was told [rate] and I’ll get it; I don’t care if I do shorten my stay or not!”

Coworker: “That would be our manager who set the rules for the rates.”

Customer: “I already talked to him, and he promised me this rate! Now, are you going to give it to me or do I have to go to your competition next door?!”

Me: “Sir, you are welcome to go there!”

Customer: *angrily takes belongings and stomps off, glaring*

(There are only two hotels for miles around, and both are owned by the same company. My coworker and I laughed about that for hours. The next morning, the hotel next door sent us an email saying only “WTF?!”)

Your Service Is Of Grave Concern

, , , , , | Working | October 16, 2017

(A relative in another state has passed away. My part of the family can’t make the funeral, but an elderly relative asks me to help him order flowers. I call a national florist chain five days before the funeral. I get a wonderful, helpful rep who helps me pick out the flowers my relative wants, and I even pay extra to have the flowers delivered on a Sunday, the morning of the funeral. One hour before the funeral, I get an automated call saying there was a problem with the order and it will not be delivered. I call the number but get no answer, just a recorded message asking me to leave a message at the beep. I get a call back THAT EVENING, hours after the funeral ends. The rep calling apologizes and comes up with some story that they didn’t have the flowers I ordered to even make the basket. He offers to deliver flowers on the next day to the gravesite, instead. I tell him no thanks; I wanted flowers for the funeral. I demand my money back. I am told I have to call customer service on Monday. I do.)

Customer Service: “Yes, ma’am. I am sorry, but we do not deliver on Sunday so—”

Me: “They why did your rep not only promise me he would, but also charged me extra for Sunday delivery?”

Customer Service: “Yeah, I don’t know. But I can have flowers delivered to the gravesite.”

Me: “No. The funeral was yesterday. I wanted them for the funeral. I paid you for a service, and you failed to provide the service. The reason is irrelevant. So, I want my money back.”

Customer Service: “Well now, instead, I can give you a discount on your next order and we will send a nice fruit bouquet to a family member. How about—”

Me: “No, I do not want fruit. I paid you extra to have flowers delivered to a funeral on a Sunday. You have failed to do so; therefore, I want my money back.”

(He starts trying to pass off a partial refund, trying to tell me that he still had to pay for the flowers and the employees. I tell him that’s not my problem and that his employee has already admitted that they didn’t even have the flowers. I keep repeating that I paid for a product, I did not get it, and I want my money back. After more BS, I tell him to forget it; I will call my bank and report this as fraud. He is not happy at all, and tries to cop an attitude with me. I hang up and call the bank. It turns out this national company has A LOT of complaints just like mine; they pull this all the time. I call to file a complaint with the Better Business Bureau, and am told that the company has been thrown out due to the large number of complaints. They have a 98% negative rating on most online sites. They sell huge arrangements, like for funerals and weddings, don’t deliver, and then try to pass on cheap fruit arrangements to the customers. I am afraid to tell my elderly relative what happened.)

Relative: *sighs* “Well, it serves me right.”

Me: “What ever do you mean?”

Relative: “I should have sent a donation to his favorite charity instead. That’s what he would have wanted. Not stupid flowers.”

(We did end up sending double the amount we would have paid for the flowers to a worthy charity. I think it ended as it should.)

Have A Feeling His Buddy Didn’t Pick Up On Purpose

, , , , , | Right | October 16, 2017

(A guest whom I’ve just checked in comes back to the front desk.)

Guest: “Hey, there can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Of course! What can I do for you?”

Guest: “My buddy told me he’s around here somewhere having a beer. Where would that be?”

Me: “Well, there’s quite a few places he could be. There’s a restaurant called [Restaurant] just adjacent to our building. Could that be it?”

Guest: “No, no, no, that’s definitely not it! He mentioned he would be downtown. Any idea where he might be?”

Me: “There’s upwards of 60 bars and restaurants in the downtown area. Why don’t you call your friend and get the name of the establishment? I’d be happy to get you directions.”

(The guest stands at the desk making several unsuccessful phone calls to his friend. He’s now visibly irritated.)

Guest: “He’s not answering his d*** phone! All I want is to see my buddy and wind down with an ice cold beer! Now, where could he be?”

Me: “Like I said, he could be at any one of the 60 restaurants in the area. Without a name of the establishment, I can’t tell you where to go.”

Guest: “Listen here, ma’am. If you were an old man like me and wanted to have a beer, where would you go?”

Me: *I get out a restaurant guide and hand it to the guest* “I’m sure wherever your friend is will be listed in this directory. Good luck!”

(The guest spent the next 15 minutes huffing and puffing in the lobby and fiddling with his phone before he stormed back upstairs to his room.)

In The Zombie Apocalypse They Will Let You Down And Desert You

, , , , , , , | Related | October 16, 2017

(I’m watching “The Walking Dead” with my mom when the main character takes a spill.)

Me: “So, if he tumbles over, does that make him a… Rick Roll?”

Mom: *turns and looks at me, deadpan* “I don’t know you.”

(A few minutes later, after a death fake-out where he ends up saving his lady friend:)

Me: “I guess he’s never gonna give her up? He certainly didn’t let her down!”

Mom: *sighs* “I wonder if it’s possible to un-birth one of your children…”

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