(I have “Deaf friendly” on my nametag. After a customer, who is maybe in his fifties, and I have an ENTIRELY VERBAL conversation, at the end of the transaction he stops me directly in the middle of my “have a good day,” and we engage in the following:)

Me: “Okay, have a good da—”

Man: “Can you hear me?”

Me: “Wh… what?”

Man: “CAN YOU HEAR ME WHEN I AM SPEAKING? DO YOU HEAR ME TALKING RIGHT NOW?”

Me: “What?! I can hear you, yeah…”

Man: “You’re not deaf?”

Me: “What?”

Man: “ARE YOU DEAF?”

Me: “Uh, no, I’m hearing. I can hear you right now.”

Man: “But your nametag says ‘DEAF friendly.’ You’re not deaf?”

Me: “No, I know ASL and am also an interpreting student.”

Man: “Well, that’s not right; you should specify you’re hearing. That way people won’t think you’re a… deaf person.”

Me: “I’m confused, I’m sorry.”

Man: “You should write ‘hearing’ on your nametag so people don’t misunderstand your confusing nametag.”

Me: “So you want me to publicly announce my hearing status on my nametag, rather than have me keep my current one, which indicates I can communicate in another language if needed?”

Man: “Well… I don’t know. So you’re NOT deaf, right?”

Me: No, sir.”

Man: “Ok, see ya!”

(This… this is a horror story to put in the books. He was rude about it and was serious about my nametag suggestion… Too funny to NOT share!)

(My AP World History teacher is starting to teach my class how to appropriately respond to our DBQs (Document-Based Question). Specifically, he wants us to be able to give evidence in our writing. To simplify this task in our heads, he cites an example using his gender.)

Teacher: “For example; if I wanted to say I was a male. I would say something like “’I am a male because I have…”

Class: *stunned silence*

Teacher: “…a Y chromosome.’”

Class: *sigh of relief*

(I’m a waitress at a family restaurant. In this instance, I’m waiting on a couple whose food is taking a bit longer than expected — pushing 30 minutes when our normal turn-around is 10. Despite apologizing for the delay and asking how I can help, they’re looking more and more frustrated. The food finally comes out, and it isn’t up to the standards that I like when I serve my food, but the customers are hungry, so I risk it. I take it out to them, and they’re not pleased with the quality of one of the side dishes. I go to get a new one, and the kitchen is in the process of making a new batch. I already know this table is sick of waiting, and they would probably be upset when I tell them they need to wait even longer. I go to give my manager a head’s up. This particular manager is not the best with customer interaction despite being a great team member.)

Me: “Hey, table 16 had been waiting for their food for about half an hour, and when I finally took it out there, they weren’t pleased with the mashed potatoes. I went to get a new order from the kitchen, but they’re making a fresh batch. It’s going to take another 5 minutes. They were already upset with the original delay, I can’t go back out there and tell them they have to wait more. Will you please go talk to them?”

Manager: “If they haven’t complained yet, I’m not going to go talk to them.”

(I headed back out to the table and relayed the delay, visibly cringing and apologizing for the delay; lo and behold, they wanted to talk to a manager. I couldn’t help but smirk as I popped my head back in and told her that Table 16 requested to talk to her.)

(My family has a magnet on the dishwasher that says clean when turned one way and dirty when turned the other. One day, I go to get a snack and find no clean plates. The dishwasher magnet is turned to clean, though, so I pull a plate out of the dishwasher and use that. When I’m done eating, I start unloading the dishwasher. My sister walks in and looks at what I’m doing in confusion.)

Sister: “Why are you unloading the dishwasher?”

Me: “Because that’s what you do with clean dishes.”

Sister: “But they’re not… Oh. Oops!”

Me: *stopping unloading* “Oops?”

Sister: *looking guilty* “I may have forgotten to turn the magnet around.”

Me: *thinking that at least the plate was rinsed* “All right. Help me get the dirty dishes back in the dishwasher.”

Sister: *still looking guilty*

Me: “[Sister]. What is it?”

Sister: “[Dog] may have licked off some of the dishes.”

Me: “Ew! He licks his own butt! I ate off one of those plates.”

Sister: *still looking guilty*

Me: “There’s more?”

Sister: “When I took him for a walk earlier… I swear I stopped him as soon as I could, but…”

Me: “What did he eat?”

Sister: “Some other dog’s poop.”

Me: *leaving the dishes* “Okay, this is now officially your mess to clean up. Excuse me while I go throw up.”

(I wish I could say she was more careful with the magnet after that, but she was not. At least I learned to always check if the dishes are actually clean.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Woman: *who sounds like a little old lady* “Hi, [My Name], do you have fitness books?”

Me: “Yes, we do!”

Woman: “Can you look up some titles for me?”

Me: “Sure!”

Woman: “The first is called ‘Call Me Miss Shapely Legs.’ Now, [My Name], please repeat that back to me so I know you have it right.”

Me: *puzzled by the odd title, but repeats it*

Woman: “You’re not speaking directly into the phone. Repeat it again, please.”

Me: *repeats it again, at this point still feeling sympathetic, thinking the woman is hard of hearing* “I’m sorry, ma’am, nothing comes up for it.”

Woman: “Really? Nothing? Why is that?”

Me: “Because we can’t get it in. It might be an older book, or out of print.”

Woman: “That’s too bad, I can’t believe you can’t get it! Well, the next book is ‘We Made Love Now I Have to Kill You.’ [My Name], repeat that back to me so I know you have it right.”

Me: *says it back quietly, as there’s a line of customers standing right there and I feel somewhat embarrassed saying this into the phone!*

Woman: “I can’t hear you. Speak up and repeat it again.”

Me: *repeats it more clearly*

Woman: “I still can’t hear you.”

Me: *practically shouts the title into the phone*

(Customers and coworkers at the counter are all staring at me and snickering. Lo and behold, this book doesn’t come up either.)

Woman: “Okay, [My Name], how about ‘I Have the Strength of 10,000 Muscular Women.’ Now [My Name], repeat that title back to me please so I know you have it right.”

Me: *gritting teeth, repeats it*

Woman: “You’re not speaking into the phone!”

Me: *convinced I’m being pranked at this point* “‘I. HAVE. THE. STRENGTH. OF. TEN. THOUSAND. MUSCULAR. WOMEN.’ I AM SPEAKING DIRECTLY INTO THE PHONE. NOTHING IS COMING UP IN THE COMPUTER FOR IT. WE DO NOT HAVE IT. I have to go. my boss is calling me.”

(My coworkers never let me live down that a little old lady prank called me.)