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If Only He Could Hear Himself

, , , , | Right | August 23, 2017

(I have “Deaf friendly” on my nametag. After a customer, who is maybe in his fifties, and I have an ENTIRELY VERBAL conversation, at the end of the transaction he stops me directly in the middle of my “have a good day,” and we engage in the following:)

Me: “Okay, have a good da—”

Man: “Can you hear me?”

Me: “Wh… what?”


Me: “What?! I can hear you, yeah…”

Man: “You’re not deaf?”

Me: “What?”


Me: “Uh, no, I’m hearing. I can hear you right now.”

Man: “But your nametag says ‘DEAF friendly.’ You’re not deaf?”

Me: “No, I know ASL and am also an interpreting student.”

Man: “Well, that’s not right; you should specify you’re hearing. That way people won’t think you’re a… deaf person.”

Me: “I’m confused, I’m sorry.”

Man: “You should write ‘hearing’ on your nametag so people don’t misunderstand your confusing nametag.”

Me: “So you want me to publicly announce my hearing status on my nametag, rather than have me keep my current one, which indicates I can communicate in another language if needed?”

Man: “Well… I don’t know. So you’re NOT deaf, right?”

Me: No, sir.”

Man: “Ok, see ya!”

(This… this is a horror story to put in the books. He was rude about it and was serious about my nametag suggestion… Too funny to NOT share!)

Y, What Were You Thinking?

, , , , , | Learning | August 23, 2017

(My AP World History teacher is starting to teach my class how to appropriately respond to our DBQs (Document-Based Question). Specifically, he wants us to be able to give evidence in our writing. To simplify this task in our heads, he cites an example using his gender.)

Teacher: “For example; if I wanted to say I was a male. I would say something like “’I am a male because I have…”

Class: *stunned silence*

Teacher: “…a Y chromosome.’”

Class: *sigh of relief*

Can’t Table That Discussion

, , , , | Working | August 23, 2017

(I’m a waitress at a family restaurant. In this instance, I’m waiting on a couple whose food is taking a bit longer than expected — pushing 30 minutes when our normal turn-around is 10. Despite apologizing for the delay and asking how I can help, they’re looking more and more frustrated. The food finally comes out, and it isn’t up to the standards that I like when I serve my food, but the customers are hungry, so I risk it. I take it out to them, and they’re not pleased with the quality of one of the side dishes. I go to get a new one, and the kitchen is in the process of making a new batch. I already know this table is sick of waiting, and they would probably be upset when I tell them they need to wait even longer. I go to give my manager a head’s up. This particular manager is not the best with customer interaction despite being a great team member.)

Me: “Hey, table 16 had been waiting for their food for about half an hour, and when I finally took it out there, they weren’t pleased with the mashed potatoes. I went to get a new order from the kitchen, but they’re making a fresh batch. It’s going to take another 5 minutes. They were already upset with the original delay, I can’t go back out there and tell them they have to wait more. Will you please go talk to them?”

Manager: “If they haven’t complained yet, I’m not going to go talk to them.”

(I headed back out to the table and relayed the delay, visibly cringing and apologizing for the delay; lo and behold, they wanted to talk to a manager. I couldn’t help but smirk as I popped my head back in and told her that Table 16 requested to talk to her.)

The Truth Is A Dish Best Served Clean

, , , | Related | August 23, 2017

(My family has a magnet on the dishwasher that says clean when turned one way and dirty when turned the other. One day, I go to get a snack and find no clean plates. The dishwasher magnet is turned to clean, though, so I pull a plate out of the dishwasher and use that. When I’m done eating, I start unloading the dishwasher. My sister walks in and looks at what I’m doing in confusion.)

Sister: “Why are you unloading the dishwasher?”

Me: “Because that’s what you do with clean dishes.”

Sister: “But they’re not… Oh. Oops!”

Me: *stopping unloading* “Oops?”

Sister: *looking guilty* “I may have forgotten to turn the magnet around.”

Me: *thinking that at least the plate was rinsed* “All right. Help me get the dirty dishes back in the dishwasher.”

Sister: *still looking guilty*

Me: “[Sister]. What is it?”

Sister: “[Dog] may have licked off some of the dishes.”

Me: “Ew! He licks his own butt! I ate off one of those plates.”

Sister: *still looking guilty*

Me: “There’s more?”

Sister: “When I took him for a walk earlier… I swear I stopped him as soon as I could, but…”

Me: “What did he eat?”

Sister: “Some other dog’s poop.”

Me: *leaving the dishes* “Okay, this is now officially your mess to clean up. Excuse me while I go throw up.”

(I wish I could say she was more careful with the magnet after that, but she was not. At least I learned to always check if the dishes are actually clean.)

Someone Needs To Write These Books

, , , , | Right | August 23, 2017

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Woman: *who sounds like a little old lady* “Hi, [My Name], do you have fitness books?”

Me: “Yes, we do!”

Woman: “Can you look up some titles for me?”

Me: “Sure!”

Woman: “The first is called ‘Call Me Miss Shapely Legs.’ Now, [My Name], please repeat that back to me so I know you have it right.”

Me: *puzzled by the odd title, but repeats it*

Woman: “You’re not speaking directly into the phone. Repeat it again, please.”

Me: *repeats it again, at this point still feeling sympathetic, thinking the woman is hard of hearing* “I’m sorry, ma’am, nothing comes up for it.”

Woman: “Really? Nothing? Why is that?”

Me: “Because we can’t get it in. It might be an older book, or out of print.”

Woman: “That’s too bad, I can’t believe you can’t get it! Well, the next book is ‘We Made Love Now I Have to Kill You.’ [My Name], repeat that back to me so I know you have it right.”

Me: *says it back quietly, as there’s a line of customers standing right there and I feel somewhat embarrassed saying this into the phone!*

Woman: “I can’t hear you. Speak up and repeat it again.”

Me: *repeats it more clearly*

Woman: “I still can’t hear you.”

Me: *practically shouts the title into the phone*

(Customers and coworkers at the counter are all staring at me and snickering. Lo and behold, this book doesn’t come up either.)

Woman: “Okay, [My Name], how about ‘I Have the Strength of 10,000 Muscular Women.’ Now [My Name], repeat that title back to me please so I know you have it right.”

Me: *gritting teeth, repeats it*

Woman: “You’re not speaking into the phone!”

Me: *convinced I’m being pranked at this point* “‘I. HAVE. THE. STRENGTH. OF. TEN. THOUSAND. MUSCULAR. WOMEN.’ I AM SPEAKING DIRECTLY INTO THE PHONE. NOTHING IS COMING UP IN THE COMPUTER FOR IT. WE DO NOT HAVE IT. I have to go. my boss is calling me.”

(My coworkers never let me live down that a little old lady prank called me.)