Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

The Lost And Take Whatever I Want

, , , | Right | April 7, 2008

Caller: “Hi, I lost my cellphone this weekend. I was wondering if you’d found it?”

Me: “Well, maybe. What does it look like?”

Caller: “It’s a black Nokia; orange on the sides.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but your phone is not here.”

Caller: “Oh. Well… can I come by and just, like, take another one?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “Well, you know, since I’ve lost my phone and all, and it’s not like the phones you have is anyone’s property…”

Me: “Ehm… well… how would you feel if I gave your phone away to someone else?”

Caller: *silence* “Well that would be kinda rude.”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: *more silence* *click*

Tonight At 11: Mom Coats Baby In Semigloss

, , , | Right | April 7, 2008

(Two women walk up with their little babies, still young enough to be carried around wrapped in blankets.)

Lady 1: “How much is face painting for the kids?”

Me: “Three dollars, ma’am.”

Lady #1: “Could you charge us less ’cause our kids are small?”

Me: *looking for her kids, thinking she can’t possibly be referring to the babies* “How small are they?”

Lady #1: “They’re babies!”

Me: *eyes popping out* “Excuse me?”

Lady #2: “We’re HOLDIN’ ‘EM! They’re babies!”

Me: “Um, ma’am, I don’t think I can paint on your infants.”

Lady# 2: “Well, why NOT?”

Me: “Because this is heavy professional paint. It says right on the label, ‘Not for use for children under three years.’ It’ll irritate their skin.”

Lady #1: “So you won’t paint our babies?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I can’t do that. It’s not safe.”

Lady #1: “There ain’t no sign that says you won’t!”

Me: “I should think that kinda goes without saying…”

Lady #1: “So, this means we waited in that line for NOTHING?”

Lady #2: “Y’all should put up a sign or something that says you won’t face paint on babies, ’cause I thought that was y’all’s job.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’ve been doing this for years and nobody’s ever tried to have an infant painted before, so I never thought I’d have to mention it. It’s dangerous.”

Lady #1: “Well, that just ain’t fair! D***, if I knew you wouldn’t do it, I wouldn’t’ve waited in that line!”

Lady #2: “Y’all need to put up a sign or something! I thought this was for the KIDS! Aren’t babies kids?”

Me: “I’ve already explained: it’s dangerous. I won’t do it, and neither will any of my coworkers.”

Lady #2: *as they’re both walking away* “That just ain’t fair. They should have a sign.”

Me: “Have a nice afternoon, ladies!”

(I found out later that, after I left, the women came back twice to different painters trying to get someone to face-paint on their infants. Both times, they were told the same thing.)


This story is part of our dangerous parents roundup!

Read the next dangerous parents roundup story!

Read the dangerous parents roundup!

When All Else Fails, Rephrase

, , , , | Right | April 6, 2008

(I’m selling tickets to a show of the High School Musical Tour.)

Customer: “I already have tickets; I just need meet and greet passes for my two girls.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you have to get those from the PR people in the show.”

Customer: “I only need two, though.”

Me: “I understand, but we do not physically have any meet and greet passes here. You can only get them from the show.”

Customer: *snooty* “I’m from Summerlin, though.”

(Summerlin is an upscale, high-class part of Las Vegas.)

Me: “Let me talk to my manager.”

(I walk to the back, count to ten and come back out.)

Me: “My manager said if you go into the show and talk to the PR people, they should have some for you.”

Customer: “Thank you!”


This story is part of the Theater roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

22 Fun Stories About Musical Theater That Will Have You Dancing In The Aisles!

 

Read the next Theater roundup story!

Read the Theater roundup!

Methinks Thou Hast A Stick Up Thine Arse

, , , | Right | April 5, 2008

(I’ve worked in a convenience store and a computer shop, and I’ve got a little joke about credit cards and a disarming smile and laugh that people seem to enjoy…but this once…)

Customer: “Do you guys take credit cards?”

Me, smiling: “Sure do, but we don’t give ’em back.”

Customer: *very angry* “You’d god-d*** better give it back or I’ll have you arrested on the spot!”

Me: “That was a joke …”


This story is part of the Humorless Customers roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Hilarious Customer Stories When Sarcasm Was The Only Answer

 

Read the next Humorless Customers roundup story!

Read the Humorless Customers roundup!

Math Is Your Friend, Part 2

, , | Right | April 4, 2008

(I used to work at a sandwich shop. We were having a special where you could get four or more of our smaller sandwiches for $2.99 each. Some customers don’t understand the concept of simple.)

Customer: “Do you have any specials today?”

Me: “Yes, you can get four or more 6″ subs for $2.99 each.”

Customer: “Do I have to get four?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Why? I’ll only be able to eat one.”

Me: “The computer won’t let me ring up the deal unless you order four or more sandwiches.”

Customer: “Okay, then I’ll get four turkeys.”

(The customer goes through his sandwich-topping business, and we finally make it to the register.)

Me: “Okay, four 6″s comes to $11.96.”

Customer: “I thought they were only $2.99 each.”

Me: “They are. Four times $2.99 is $11.96.”

Customer: “I think you’re charging me too much. Can I see a receipt?”

Me: *prints a receipt*

Customer: “Your prices are wrong, I know it!”

(I take out a calculator and do the math. It comes out to $11.96.)

Customer: “Oh… I still don’t understand, but whatever!” *pays and leaves*

Related:
Math Is Your Friend