(I’ve just finished ringing up a teenage girl.)
Me: “Thank you. The bottom of your receipt has a survey. Fill that out for a chance to win a $250 gift card.”
Girl: “Why would I do that when I could just ask Daddy for money?”
Me: “I don’t know?”
Girl: “Exactly.” *flounces off with Waiakea water and Prada purse*
(I work in the footwear department at a store. One day, while I am stocking the shelves, a customer approaches me.)
Customer: “Can you help me find something?”
Me: “Absolutely! How can I help you?”
Customer: “Do you have [Work Boots] in a size 9?”
Me: “Unfortunately, we no longer have those in stock. Would you like me to check online for you?”
Customer: “Sure.”
(The customer and I walk to the nearest computer terminal and do a quick web search. We find the work boots pretty quickly.)
Me: “All right, sir, would you like to place an order for these work boots?”
Customer: “Stop hassling me!”
Me: *caught off guard by his sudden change in attitude* “I’m sorry?”
Customer: *slowly* “Stop hassling me.”
Me: “I’m not trying to hassle you, sir. I’m sorry if I gave you that impression. Does this mean you don’t want the boots?”
Customer: “I would have ordered them if you hadn’t just hassled me!” *walks out*
(My fiancé and I have just completed our first premarital counseling session and are on the drive home. I didn’t sleep well the night before, so I’m not in a particularly talkative mood. It should also be noted that he’s driving my car and carrying the conversation. After a while, the car falls into an awkward silence for a few minutes, then…)
Fiancé: “Brrrr!” *making propeller noises with his mouth*
Me: *looks over at him, baffled*
Fiancé: “Your car has a propeller now.”
Me: “Uh… huh.”
Fiancé: “What? It was quiet in here!”
(I used to work at a call center that was contracted with a health insurance company. As you can imagine, I got a lot of “interesting” phone calls. This is probably one of the more unusual calls I ever took.)
Me: “Thank you for calling [Insurance Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”
Customer: *with a thick Southern accent* “Yeah, can I please talk to the president of [Insurance Company]?”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m unable to connect you with the president of [Insurance Company].”
Customer: “Why? Is he too busy with his coffee break to speak to me? Do you even know who I am?”
Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but I have no way to transfer you to our corporate office.”
Customer: “Well, that’s just silly. Is there anyone there I can talk to?”
Me: “I would be happy to assist you today, ma’am. How can I help—”
Customer: *cutting me off* “No, I don’t want to speak to you. You’re being uncooperative. Can I talk to the president of [Insurance Company], please?”
Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but as I said before, customer service does not have the direct number to [Insurance Company]’s corporate office.”
Customer: “Then let me speak to your manager.”
Me: “All right, I’ll be right back with him.”
(By this point, I’m getting a little frustrated. I grab my manager, and he hooks up my headset to his headset so that I can listen to the conversation. It’s a common practice where I work to observe and listen to a manager de-escalating an issue.)
Manager: “Thanks so much for holding. My name is [Manager] and I’m [My Name]’s manager. How can I help you?”
Customer: “GET ME THE PRESIDENT OF [Insurance Company] NOW!”
Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that. I can help you with whatever you need.”
Customer: *suddenly cheery* “Oh, all right!”
(For the remainder of the phone call, the customer was cheery and cooperative. Turns out she actually had a complicated billing issue that my manager had to send to another department for resolution. We still don’t know why she was so adamant to speak to the president of the company, though.)
(My brother-in-law is over to play fighting games with my husband, and we are all clearing the coffee table so they can have it to put their fight sticks on. My brother-in law picks up my lip balm that was on the table.)
Brother-In-Law: “Is this lip balm from your gynecologist?”
Me: “Yeah, they just have a bunch of them in a basket when you check out.”
Husband: “Isn’t that a little weird?”
Me: “No! They want you to take care of both sets of lips!”
Brother-In-Law & Husband: *horrified looks and awkward laughs*
Brother-In-Law: “I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM MY SISTER-IN-LAW!”
