(Our supervisor is making the schedule for the following week.)

Supervisor: “Monday is my birthday. I’m going to draw a balloon on that day.”

(She draws a small, crude picture of a balloon on the schedule.)

Me: “Looks more like a sperm.”

Supervisor: *grins* “Well, I hope I get that on my birthday, too!”

(My mother owns an apartment building, and I live on the bottom floor while she lives in a room above me. One night I hear a trickling sound. We believe our pipes are leaking and there’s waste-water coming down my ceiling. With it being so late, there isn’t much we can do but shut off the water main, which means leaving our tenants without water for who knows how long. It’s very hot, being just the beginning of summer, and my mom doesn’t want to put anyone out. So, I’m sent to the store to pick up some kegs of water for everyone. When I get there I see that only two are out, and I need three, so I ask if they have anymore in stock downstairs in the stockroom. They do, and the woman working says a guy will bring some up for me. This older, scraggly looking man arrives with a box to open and unload more water, looking kind of miffed that he had to be bothered, while I stand to the side with my wagon waiting.)

Stock Guy: “You know, back in my day we drank from the faucet!”

(It takes me a moment of shock to realize he must think I’m buying these all because I’m “too good” for tap water. When I quickly get over it, I explain in a not-so-kind manner:)

Me: “Well, back in your day, our pipes worked. These are for all the tenants in our building to wash up with and stuff. Otherwise, they’d have mud.”

(The guy looked really embarrassed! Serves him right for openly judging. We did fix the problem the next day, thankfully.)

(I’m a nurse. I’ve been assigned to a young girl who just had emergency surgery to save her life. She has a long incision down her stomach, which will end up as a scar. Her parents come to me about a week after the surgery, but before the wound has closed or the staples have been removed, clearly upset.)

Father: “When are we going to talk about reducing that scar?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but your daughter has barely started to heal. Let’s get her healthy before we worry about appearances.”

Father: “Excuse me? It’s bad enough she has [large birthmark]; now you’re going to add this, too?”

Mother: “What about covering it in Vitamin E oil?”

Me: “Ma’am, right now we’re worried about infections and how well she’s healing. We can talk about—”

Father: “No! You will fix her now!”

(I made up something about talking to the doctor about it and left. I truly pity this child, if that was their concern.)

(I work as an office assistant for a small company. We get a lot of spammy recorded calls of questionable origin. The phone rings and the caller ID is from an insurance company. It looks to me like it may be another recorded message, but I always pick up the phone in case it’s not.)

Me: “Hi, you’ve reached [Company].”

Caller: “Hello? Can you hear me?”

Me: “Yes?”

Caller: *long pause* “How are you doing today?”

(This is a common enough format for recorded calls that I ask outright:)

Me: “Is this a recording?”

(After another pause, he doesn’t respond to my question, and instead starts talking about where he’s calling from. Between the long pauses and ignoring my question, I figure it’s a recorded message and hang up. The phone immediately rings again from the same number. I don’t bother answering it, instead lifting the receiver and hanging it back up. This pattern goes on for some time, at least five times. I also hold the phone to my ear a couple of times before hanging it up and hear the same voice say, “Hello?” and, “Can you hear me?” but nothing unique enough to make me think this isn’t a sophisticated recording. I’ve heard that if you let a recorded call get far enough or even answer it at all they’ll keep calling you. I figure this is a particularly persistent and obnoxious one, and I guess I hope if I hang up on it enough it’ll stop. I probably should just let it go to the voicemail, but I hate letting the phone just ring. However, this pattern is now at the point where I can’t get anything done because of the constant calls. I snap and decide to try picking it up again)

Me: *picks up phone* “Hi, is this a real person?”

Caller: *same voice, but now exasperated* “Yes! I’ve been hung up on several times now. I’m trying to do an employer check for [Company Employee]. Who am I talking to?”

Me: *embarrassed now* “Oh… This is the office assistant, [My Name].”

Caller: “Can you tell me if I am speaking to the right person, or who I should speak with?”

Me: “The directors should be able to help you out. Let me transfer you.”

Caller: “That’d be great, thanks.”

(I was too embarrassed to apologize for hanging up on him so many times. Hopefully he didn’t give my boss an earful about his incompetent office person!)

(I am a lifeguard at a community pool. A man has just come up to me, concerned about another patron.)

Patron: *pointing at the older man who is swimming laps* “Is he dead?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Patron: “He looks like he’s dead in the water.”

(My lifeguard stand is higher than his eye level, so I can see that the man is moving, but this patron can’t.)

Me: “No, he’s alive… I think… Thanks for being concerned with him, anyway.”