How About We Change His Diaper Too

, , | Right | March 12, 2008

Me: “[University], how may I transfer your call?”

Lady: “Yes, my son missed his first day of class and for some reason the classroom has changed and he can’t find it.”

Me: “He can come into the computer lab and look up his schedule to verify which room the class is located.”

Lady: “He is on campus right now wandering around and no one is helping him. He is already late for class, and it is your fault. Can you go find him and take him to his class?”

Me: “…we don’t provide those services. He can come look at the schedule and then go to class.”

Lady: “Urgh!” *click*

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Da, Is Union of Soviet Socialist Retirees

, , , , | Right | March 12, 2008

(I work every summer in a beach shop in Florida. One morning, a man comes in and buys a beach chair, and returns after a few hours with his family.)

Customer: “I would like to return this chair.”

Me: “Of course. Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “No, I just went to the beach. Why would I keep the receipt?”

Me: “Is there a reason why you are returning the chair?”

Customer: “It’s broken.”

(The chair is soaked with water, coated with sand, and has a hole in the seat from what looks like a footprint on the cushion.)

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but we cannot accept used, broken items for return.”

Customer: “What?! I didn’t break it!”

Me: “I am sorry sir, but without a receipt, it still cannot be returned.”

Customer: “Son of a b****! You hear that kids? This Russian b**** is going to f*** up our vacation!”

Me: “…Russian? I live here.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I hear that accent.”

Me: “…What accent?”

Customer: “THERE! You just did it. No one talks like that in the Northeast.”

Me: “…I’m a Southerner. You’re in the South.”

Customer: “Whatever, you piece of racist s***”

(The man left only after he threw the chair at a clothes rack. Quite the job experience for a fifteen-year-old.)

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How About Smacking You Upside The Head

, , , | Right | March 11, 2008

(A customer comes in after filling his car.)

Me: “G’day sir, pump number four4?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “That’ll be $47.90.”

Customer: “I spilled a bit of gas out there.”

(There is an auto-shutoff feature which the customer apparently ignored and kept pumping.)

Me: “Oh, don’t worry about that, sir.”

Customer: “What are you going to do about it?”

Me: “I’ll just spread some cat litter on it and soak it right up.”

Customer: “No, I mean, what are you going to do for me? Gas is expensive and I can’t afford to be pouring it all over the ground!”

Me: “…then may I suggest not overfilling your gas tank?”

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I Could Not, Would Not, On A Boat, But Maybe A Goat

, , | Right | March 11, 2008

Me: “Hello, [Travel Agency]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hello, I have a question.”

Me: “Sure, go ahead.”

Caller: “Do you offer cruise packages?”

Me: “Yes, sir, we do.”

Caller: “Would that be on a ship?”

Me: “…”

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Sorry, The Teleporter’s On The Fritz Again

, , | Right | March 11, 2008

(A customer phones in to make a payment on their financing account.)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to make a payment on my account.”

(I get the customer’s information and tell them how much their due payment is.)

Me: “And did you want to pay with Visa or Mastercard?”

Customer: “Cash.”

Me: “You have to come into the store to pay cash, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, I do?”

Me: “…”

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