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Braving The Wild Arctic Terrain, One Token At A Time

, , , , | Right | July 27, 2009

(A customer asked me to help with the Skee-Ball machine.)

Me: “Is the machine broken or malfunctioning?”

Customer: “Do you know where the skis are?”

Me: “…excuse me?”

Customer:Ski ball. Where are the skis for me to play with?”

Me: “Skis?”

Customer: “As in cross-country skis?”

Me: “This isn’t that kind of Skee-Ball. You pick up the ball and roll it up there.”

Customer: “Then why is there a slope with a ramp on it at the end?”

Me: “For you to roll the ball up?”

Customer: “IT’S A SKI SLOPE! Although it’s kind of… backward.” *examines the machine*


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When Colloquialisms Meet Capitalism

, , , | Right | July 24, 2009

(I’ve just rung up a customer for cigarettes.)

Customer: “I’m gonna zip-zip it.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Zip-zip!”

Me: “I don’t know what that means.”

Customer: *getting annoyed* “I’m going to use my zip-zip card!”

Customer’s Daughter: “Zip-zip? Gosh, Mom! It’s a credit card.”

Me: “Oooh. You can slide that right over there.” *pointing to the card machine*

Customer: “Which button do I press? It’s asking me to pick payment type.”

Me: “…credit?”

That’s Not The Only Thing She Was Scared Out Of

, , | Right | July 24, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling *hiccup!* how may I *hiccup!* help you?”

Customer: *laughing* “Got a problem over there?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, *hiccup!*, I have the hiccups.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, well… DO YOU WANT ME TO GO OVER THERE AND KILL YOU RIGHT NOW?!”

Me: “Um… uh… I mean…”

Customer: “Ha ha ha, I’m just kidding with you. I bet you don’t have the hiccups anymore now, huh?”

Vampires Drink Blood, But It’s The Fans That Bite

, , | Right | July 24, 2009

(A customer in her late teens approaches me in the bookstore.)

Customer: “Hey, do you guys sell the Twilight books?”

Me: “Yes, they’re right over there.”

Customer: “Have you read them?”

Me: “Yes, I have.”

Customer: “Didn’t you just LOVE them?!”

Me: “Well, actually, they aren’t really my type of book, so–”

Customer: *suddenly furious* “Are you f***ing serious?! These are the best books ever written! I’m going to tell Edward to come and bite you and drink all your blood!”

Me: *backing away* “Have a nice day, ma’am…”


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General Housekeeping

, , | Right | July 24, 2009

(A hotel guest walks in with his significant other and approaches the front desk.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Hotel Guest: “You wouldn’t happen to have like, tarps and scalpels?”

Me: “No… sorry.”

Hotel Guest: “Worth a shot!” *returns to hotel room*